WWE Roadblock, better know as “We Need An Excuse To Have Brock Lesnar Wrestle Thanks To His Contract” came and went, and outside a stellar Tag-Team match everything fell into place how we all figured it would. But what is the point on an event like this if we don’t even get a single surprise? Not even a little Hornswoggle-sized one.
WWE Tag Team Title Match:
The League of Nations vs. The New Day
The New Day is the perfect way to kick off the show as they have a way with the crowd, especially when then pull out the official Booty O’s cereal. No word if we are going to see these in stores, but expect them at your local Dollar Bazar a week after they do. You can see them right next to the rack of Gilberg shirts.
The match itself served its purpose, that being giving The League of Nations something to do. I mean what else can WWE do with a group of decorated champions? Wade Barrett looked fantastic, so it’s shame he is planning on leaving the company soon if things don’t change. Barrett actually managed to get what should have been a clean pin over Big E, but sees the ref distracted by Xavier Woods. This allows Big E to recover and pin Barrett for the win. Oh, and Sheamus did stuff, but nobody really cared.
Winners: The New Day
Chris Jericho vs. Jack Swagger
The match that people have been waiting six-years for is finally here. It’s unfortunate that nobody in the crowd gave a damn. Still, Jericho is absolutely fantastic on the mic, even more so as a heel. How many Canadian wrestling legends would openly mock his home country in this day and age.
The match was “solid” and showed off the talents of both wrestlers, but it does nothing for either wrestler in the grand scheme of things. Although there was a brief few minutes there where it looked like Jack Swagger would get the win. Hell, they even mentioned that Jack Swagger was a former World Champions, something that WWE likes to avoid like the time David Arquette won the big gold belt.
Jericho get the win and Bradshaw got so annoying that I had to mute the television for what felt like five minutes. So pretty much like every event where he gives commentary.
Winner: Chris Jericho
WWE NXT Tag Team Title Match:
Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady with Carmella vs. The Revival
I don’t watch NXT. I know, I’m sorry and a terrible wrestling fan, but I hate digging through the WWE Network for anything outside of a big event. But this match sure did send a clear message to the WWE Universe, and that is that NXT is the #1 promotion within the company.
Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady look like crazy people –in a good way– and really got a massive pop from the crowd. “The Revival” also get some love, but all I can think is that these two look like they are related to Trevor Murdock in some fashion –in a bad way. This was a great match with some amazing spots. Did you see Cass launch Enzo out of the ring onto The Revival? It was damn impressive.
The Revival get the win with a big Shatter Machine, but both tag teams looked amazing and in a single match made the entire WWE tag division look like amateurs. Yes, I’m even including The New Day in that statement. Hey, WWE! These are the sort of talents you need to be pushing.
Winners: The Revival
WWE Divas Title Match:
Natalya vs. Charlotte
I love Natalya and think she deserves another Women’s Title title run. I’ll spare you my thoughts on the Dollar Tree Stacy Doll accessory that is the Diva’s Title, but you can read between the lines. While I do love Nattie, there was just zero chance that she was going to get a win so close to Wrestlemania.
Sure, she nailed the Sharpshooter to a great many cheers, but you just knew that Charlotte would pull something to win. At the very least we can be happy that Charlotte didn’t get a clean win, so there is hope that this may in fact be a new push for Natalya. Plus, it’s been a really long time since I’ve watched a Diva’s match that had some “Holy shit!” chants from the crowd.
Winner: Charlotte
Handicap Match:
Brock Lesnar vs. Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper
Bray Wyatt is awesome. He has a great gimmick and nails the creepy, supernatural angle that is so rare in this modern age of wrestling. Still, if there is one thing that you can count on Bray Wyatt for it’s to lose any match he’s in at any big event. The man can win on Raw and that other show, but nobody cares when you can’t win when it counts. WWE seems to love to push and then quickly bury Bray for some reason. He’s about as effective on PPV events as Doink The Clown was, well, ever.
At least we got a match with Brock Lesnar, and I still posit that the only reason Roadblock was created was so that fans got to see Brock wrestle before Wrestlemania, since his contact lets him skip TV appearances whenever he wants. Bray makes a grand “spooky” speech about being pals with the devil and that he’ll win, but he scuttles out as soon as the bell rings, leaving Harper to take a trip to Suplex City. Hell, Brock took him there some eight freaking times. At least Harper can cash in all those frequent flyer miles now.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
Sami Zayn vs. Stardust
Sami Zayn is great! He had a fantastic run in NXT and made a lot of commotion when he hit the main WWE roster. Then he got hurt and has been out of action for some seven months. Fans, even his Canadian ones, seem to have given him a lukewarm reception upon his return. I like the guy, but I have trouble with his ring gear that makes him look like Spark-plug Holly the 2nd more than anything.
Stardust is another character that I love, but this match just felt a little flat. The two do go the distance and have a lot of back and forth moments, but something felt missing from the match. It lacked the spark that turns an average match into some really special. Still, it’s good seeing Zayn and better seeing him get the hard-fought win over Stardust with the Helluva Kick. A few more good matches and I think he’ll find his groove again. Fingers crossed
Winner: Sami Zayn
WWE World Heavyweight Title Match:
Dean Ambrose vs. Triple H
The man that married well… Err, sorry. The King of Kings, HHH comes out and does his best to look ten years younger than he is as he enters the ring. Ambrose walks out and gets a massive pop, but I’m sure management was deaf to all the sound being made. The two lock up and the match for the title gets off and running. HHH was always second bananas, so it must really tick him off to hear all the pops Ambrose gets whenever he lands a move.
Ambrose goes all Three Stooges for a bit before HHH takes control of the match. There were a few good spots, but it really feels like Ambrose was “helping” to carry HHH a bit, as Ambrose wrestled a little less crazy than he normally does. Ambrosia Salad manages to turn the tides and get a clean three-count, but as this is WWE it gets turned over because of rule… One, second; let me look it up. Ah, here it is! Rule 48085 states that “WWE can negate a three-count whenever the hell it wants because we just make up the fucking rules to best suit us; see Royal Rumble Eliniations for best examples of this.” What a weird rue!
HHH turns the tables thanks to getting time to catch his old-man breath and takes things outside. The announce table is stripped and Ambrose goes flying off the barrier hoping to nail HHH, now laid upon the table, but things don’t go as planned. He crashes through the table and just barely makes it back into the ring on the nine count. HHH then nails a Pedigree for a win. Nobody is surprised and people are left wondering why they stayed in to watch this instead of getting all this on RAW. Oh, yeah! That Brock Lesnar bit.
Winner: Triple H
Bump In The Road 2016 comes to an end and everything is left feeling pretty “meh” about the whole thing. At least it was a good advertisement for NXT Takeover, which I’m more excited to see than Wrestlemania at this point! I now leave you with the only Roadblock that really matters.
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