More than any other Pay-Per View WWE event Extreme Rules feels… Needless. Not just because of the weak match card, but for the overall impact that is has on the WWE Universe as a whole. Sure, it’s the event right after Wrestlemania, but it just feels… Not so EXTREME! For an event named “Extreme Rules,” it feels odd taking away Seth Rollins curb stomp finisher as well as the RKO among other rules. Say what you will about how the curb stomp move looks (it’s pretty brutal looking) but it’s not a very “Extreme!” move of WWE.
So let’s get right to the action and break down the matches that are sure to offer a few “I can’t believe he kicked out of that!” moments from the announce desk.
Bad News Barrett Vs. Adrian Neville
This is nothing more than a filler match in the free “preview show” because Danial Bryan is unfit to wrestle due to legitimate health concerns. I’m probably not the only person saying this, but I really think it’s time for Bryan to retire and worry about his future health. Anyways, onto the match.
Nothing here of any real merit for most of the outing, but the real fun came at match end. While this was a quickly put together match, we did get a pretty impressive, and surprising finish. Adrian Neville pulls out a very cool win that just might set up a nice little back and forth with Barrett. One wrestlers loss (Bryan not wrestling) can be another wrestlers gain. I must also say that I love that Red Arrow finisher!
Kane Spot
Kane gets asked silly questions and does his best audition for the next See No Evil film with some terrible acting. At least the spot didn’t last long.
Let’s officially get the show started! All of a sudden I could really use a Mountain Dew…
Dean Ambrose Vs. Luke Harper – Chicago Street Fight
Fun Fact: Luke Harper is a dead ringer for our managing editor T. Dawson. The match gets under way outside the ring and as far as I can tell a Chicago Street fight just mean no rules, not actually out in the street. Dean Ambrose starts off quick with a half-dozen Kendo stick shots to Harper before taking a seat to… Well, sit until he gets countered for being an idiot, and Harper suplexes him onto the chair. From here Harper goes all Kendo Rage –All of five of you will understand that SNES game reference– and hold scontrol of the match for a good little bit of the match.
Of all the former SHIELD members, Ambrose is the most physical. Sure, it’s usually in taking a beating, but he is always fun to watch. Ambrose changes the pace of the match with a Tornado DDT from the top rope that leads into a vicious running drop kick. He follows up with a Macho Man inspired elbow from the heavens. Harper looks to counter, but Ambrose goes all ballerina and gives a pretty weak looking clothesline.
It’s at this point things go backstage in an actual “Street Fight” and the announce team is quite surprised by this for some reason. I mean isn’t this the entire point of the match? Luke Harper, for some reason, gets in an SUV and takes off with Ambrose in the passenger seat –probably to get more Mountain Dew for the announce team– and the crowd loses all interest. I hate when these things happens as everyone that paid money to see a match live gets shafted. CM Punk chants take over the arena for a bit and I’m already bored, and by the sound of it so is the crowd.
Ugh…
Kane & Rollins Bit
They whine like little kids for far too long when we could be seeing an match. “BORING!” chants ring out and WWE clearly tries to bring down the arena volume.
I agree, BORING!
Dolph Ziggler Vs. Sheamus – Kiss My Arse Match
I can think of nothing more hardcore than a match where the loser kisses your exposed ass. SO… FUCKING… EXTREME!!!
The match begins with a lot of back and forth punches before it heads outside of the ring. Sheamus takes control and has his way with Ziggler for a bit until Ziggler pull a DDT off the ring steps onto the very soft padding. The match moves back into the ring, because that’s the most Extreme place to wrestle, and the crowd is very reserved with the occasional “Boo” chants.
Sheamus says, “You’re going to kiss my arse!” in a way that implies that he is really looking forward to it more than actually winning the match. Things are pretty slow here and I just want Ziggler to win this so we can move on. The WWE really has this thing where if the fans really love a wrestler they will keep him stuck in limbo.
Jesus, it feels like there have only been two or three moves this entire match. Finally, Ziggler gets his second wind, only for Sheamus to quickly regain control. I thought we were long past the point where Sheamus was this towering monster that can’t be taken off his feet. For god’s sakes, Ziggler is a former champion, he is more than capable of standing his ground.
Sheamus revs up his kick, but the crowd isn’t with him and he misses. Ziggler counters with amazing gracefulness and gets the win. I’m really glad Ziggler won the match, but man, was this entire thing so underwhelming as an actual wrestling match. I’m really tired of Ziggler being the joke character and not getting a real push…
More time wasted while Sheamus pouts and Ziggler shows his ass to the non-camera side of the audience. If you wanted to see some Ziggler butt ladies, this isn’t the place for that, even if you paid your money to see it.
It’s been like 10 minutes of prancing around in the ring doing nothing. Shaemus gives a low blow and forces Ziggler to kiss kiss side butt.
Seamus asks, “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!” The crowd responds, “Not really.”
NEXT MATCH ALREADY!
The New Day Vs. Tyson Kidd & Cesaro – Tag Title Match
No, I will not download your cheap Mortal Kombat mobile knockoff, WWE. I’m actually excited for this matchup, if only because I support anything that pushes Cesaro. Why is this man not your top guy WWE, WHY! Cesaro and Kidd always look like they are just going to the gym when they come out and I love it. I do love that WWE is doing a lot to really build the tag division again as its been really weak over the past few years.
Kofi and Kidd start things off and show off their athletic abilities. I dig Kofi, but man, New Day is really killing my love for him. Tyson Kidd pulls off a weird rope reversal only to lose hold of Kofi and see Big E enter. Cesaro comes in and we see the two big men go toe-to-toe. Cesaro catches Big E in mid air –This man is a freaking beast– and throws him around like a sack of potatoes. Kofi tries to set up some weird double team only for Kidd to lay them both out. Natalya looks sad, because you know, wife and all.
Kidd gets schooled by New Day and we see Kofi give him a brutal looking drop kick in the corner. Big E comes in and goes for the slam, only for Kidd to get his second wind and tag Cesaro. The big man enters again and destroys Kofi. Cesaro looks great, but Kofi counters the big man only to get caught flying from the top rope. Cesaro follows up with a sick suplex off the top rope and Kidd give the splash to top off the tank. We finally have the first match on the night people. Glad it’s in the tag division!
Things head outside for a bit before Kidd gets the New Day only for Cesaro to save him at the last second. New Day looks in control with Kofi going for his Paradise, but gets caught in a Sharpshooter. I love that move, but Big E comes in and saves the day. Cesaro goes for the swing to close the match, but the ref get distracted. And.. Holy shit, New Day gets the pin to win the match. Very surprising indeed, if undeserved.
While not Extreme in any sense of the word, it was a very good match.
Harper Vs. Ambose – Continued
The car comes back from their date in the park, or whatever two men that hate each other do for thirty minutes in a car together. I guess this match is back on, even though classic WWF would have followed the two with cameras, but that’s apparently a no, no now. Harper and Ambrose toss a dozen chair into the ring from the chair repository that is the underside of a WWE ring. Ambrose takes a power-bomb onto said chairs and we almost see the end of the match. Harper then stacks six or seven chairs on Ambrose while the crowd chants ECW. Amborse pops up and lays out Harper onto the chairs following it up with Dirty Deeds not onto any chairs, because you know, that’s FUCKING EXTREME!!!
Ambrose gets the win, but for all the theatrics it was pretty bland, especially after that really fun tag match.
John Cena Vs. Rusev – Chain Match for the United States Championship
Cena always gets his way, so odds are he walks away with the title. Cena enters and things get strangely loud, almost as if WWE is using canned applause.cheers because the crowd looks pretty apathetic. I can’t tell who gets the bigger boos. Cena or Rusev?
We get a winner when one wrestler touches all four corners of the ring in succession. The difference between a Russian Chain Match and a regular chain match is that this one is EXTREME! The match gets going only to see them play tug-of-war. I wonder who is in charge of turning on the lights? It a slow start with each wrestler not using the chain in any real way.
Rusev finally uses the chain like a pulley and unloads a number of kicks on the champ and as Bradshaw explains “this” is Rusev’s match because he would know, I guess.”Let’s go Cena” chants are followed up with “Cena sucks” and the match continues. Cena finally gets the upper hand and takes Rusev into the post a few times, but only gets two lights turned on before Rusev counters with a back heel kick. He continues using the chain very lightly as a makeshift boxing glove before whipping him with the chain. Rusev gets three lights only for Cena to roll out of the ring and we get another tug-of-war. The champ loses the back and forth and Rusev heads to the top rope because that’s totally in his move-set, only to get pulled down by Cena.
The crowd is bored and the crowd chants, “We want Lana,” before Rusev sends her away. Now this match has suddenly become a little less interesting. Cena takes advantage of the distraction and gives the Russian a five-knuckle shuffle. Rusev counters with an Accolade only to see another counter into Cena’s hold. The champ proceeds to hit the posts and gets three before Rusev rolls out to end the momentum and reset the lights. Rusev locks in the Accolade and Cena breaks out of the move, because once you negate the move, it now becomes not as effective from that point on.
Rusev gets three lights, but Cena nails the AA. Both wrestlers are now on opposite ends of the ring and each begin to tap corners. Three lights each, Cena nails an AA –Which I’m pretty sure stops the momentum and should reset things– and taps the fourth corner to retain the title. It was an okay match, but not very EXTREME. So far this is WWE Pretty Normal Rules 2015.
Roman Reigns Bit
I’ll admit that Reigns is getting much better on the mic.
Nikki Bella Vs. Naomi – Divas Championship
I don’t know much about the Diva’s division, mostly because WWE doesn’t feature them much outside that silly show, but I do like Naomi. We get a recap of the Naomi and Paige altercation, but with the internet we know Paige isn’t out of action, but working on a holiday movie. I guess “career threatening injury” could technically describe what happens when you make a WWE film.
The match gets going and I have to say that Naomi has some killer light up boots. That’s not sexist, I really think they are sweet and would totally love some. That match gets started and we see some quick back and forth. Naomi looks to botch a weird ring rope maneuver, but i can’t be sure. Bree won’t stop screaming and it’s beginning to really annoy my enjoyment of this match. The match moves outside the ring with Naomi finally shutting up Bree before tossing Nikki back into the ring.
Nikki turns things around with some impressive acrobatics and lays Noami out with a huge slam. She gets the two and Naomi tries to end end only to get a very slow looking two count. The match continues with some great moves that are impressing the hell out of me, only for Bree to start screaming again. Niki connects with a flying spin kick off the top rope, but can’t get the pin. I’m not sure here, but the ref breaks things up because I guess he forgets that it’s Extreme Rules, or because female wrestlers aren’t allowed to do the extreme thing? I really hope it the former and not the latter.
Niki pulls off her finishers and retains the title.
Rusev Bit
Rusev yells at Lana in Russian only for her to go see the Authority afterwards for some reason.
Roman Reigns Vs. Big Show – Just a random Last Man Standing match
How is Big Show still a thing, let alone big enough to near headline a pay-per view? I have a feeling that WWE is going to have Reigns go through all the old guard one by one before seeing Brock (not the Pokemon gym leader.. Although I can’t verify that) again in the ring. So far, aside from the tag-team match and maybe that fun Diva’s match, Extreme Rules just sort of feels like an extra long episode of RAW.
It might just be my own imagination, but people don’t seem to be patting Reigns on the back as much anymore as he walks through the crowd. The match gets going and we have a winner when one wrestling can’t get up before a count of ten. The “You sold out,” chants begin as Big Show gains the upper hand only to see Reigns take things outside. An hour into the show and we finally see a table come out from under the ring only for Big Show to put it back? Seriously?
Big shows gets rid on another table only to get a kendo stick to the back. At this point I’m going to just call this WWE Extreme (but only Kendo Sticks… Sometimes) Rules. Reigns regains some control only to get a fist to the chest as he flies off the top rope. Reigns gets back up and snags a chair and lightly taps Big Show before finally giving him some serious whacks. He pulls a nice DDT on the Big Show right onto the chair and the count only gets to seven. Reigns is really determined for a table and pulls out two of them just to be safe.
Big Show takes advantage of the downtime and nails a Knockout Punch, but Reigns gets up by eight, because this is a pay-per-view and the people don’t take just one finisher. Big Show goes for a Choke Slam, but Reigns counters with a Samoan Drop through one of his many tables. Unfortunately, Big Show rolls out of the ring and gets back on his feet. Reigns takes a big old spear, but gets up at the eight count. Big Show goes to the top and drops the knees that actually look like they really connect. Thank goodness for the plastic armor Reigns wears. Big Show then goes to the top again, because now he’s a high flyer and this is his audition for Lucha Underground. He gets dropped onto his nuts for the trouble.
Big Show again goes up because fuck all with that common sense shit, and Reigns tosses him to the mat. Reigns lands two Superman Punches before being caught in a Choke Slam that sees Reigns get slammed to the outside through two tables. It’s finally the first time something EXTREME happened all night. The refs slows the count to a snails pace before Reigns gets up at the nine count. Big Show is now clearly frustrated and picks up both steel steps and sets them up again next to the announce table, because… profit?!?! The JBL chants begin (love it) and Big Show tosses himself through the table set up in the corner after missing Reigns.
Both men get back up at eight and Reigns capitalizes with a spear . Another long count and both men once again get back up as the crowd is taking selfies. Big Show heads to his home built contraption only for Reigns to hit him with a huge running spear through he barrier. Big Show catches Reigns on the announce table, but Reigns nails an insane spear across both announce tables off the steps. The crowd give a few well deserved “Holy Shit,” chants. Roman Reigns is really earning and working this match. Big Show gets back up, but Reigns pulls off something I’ve never seen before by lifting up the announce table and dumping it on the Big Show.
That was a damn impressive match with an ending that will easily make the highlight reels. Now I know why Big Show re-built the ramp near the announce area because it was the only way Big Show could climb up there. Good match, and Reigns is showing that he is building toward that main-event status. He still has a little ways to go, but this is what he needs.
Random Bo Dallas Thing
Bo Dallas is no Rock on the mic, but he is pretty funny. Also, why is Ryback always so hungry? He wears a shirt that says hungry like he is some homeless person. I also have to mention that every wrestler finisher now has the same ridiculous wind up.
PLEASE, WILL SOMEBODY JUST FEED THIS MAN.
Rusev Bit
Rusev gets another match at Payback thanks to Lana. It will be an “I Quit” match which means Rusev is looking to take some time off to do something else.
Randy Orton Vs. Seth Rollins – Steel Cage Match
I know I have no say in anything, but I really hate the look of the WWE Championship belt. I wish they still had the old World Heavyweight belt in play, but that’s just me. Anyways, Cage Matches are always weird to me. I mean the idea is cool, but the cage seems to always make watching it live kind of a pain in the ass. Also, I have to note that this cage seems to only be a little higher than the chain link fence that keep kids in school. I remember the cages being quite a bit bigger, in fact I remember them being huge -Mankind Vs. Undertaker anyone.
The match gets underway and Rollins quickly scuttles up the fence to get out. He of course gets caught and Orton takes control. He tosses Rollins into the cage, but Rollins uses the leverage to once again try and work his way up. Orton sees this and pulls him down, belly first onto the mat in a thud. Orton springboards Rollins and once again Rollins tries to scurry up the cage. I feel I’m going to run out of words for climb very quickly here. Rollins gains control and orders Kane, who is outside J-chilling, to open the door so he can bail, but is caught by the viper.
The back and forth continues without either man having the advantage. Randy tosses Rollins into the cage, Rollins tosses Randy into the cage. It’s a pretty even match, but so far lacks the punch it needs. I don’t know if it’s just the ay the match is being paced, or if the last match just stole the show. Both men make their way up the cage, but Rollins tosses Orton to the mat. Instead of bailing, he drops a knee before going up. Both men once again climb up and straddle the top post while exchanging blows before safely helping each other climb down. I just don’t see Randy winning this match under any circumstance as he already has twelve championship runs a with the company.
Rollins makes his way over the cage, but Randy catches him by the hair, pulls him back in, and superlexes him onto the mat. J & J security comes out, even though the rules say that can’t be there (FUCKING EXTREME RULE BREAKING!) only to have Kane keep them from just walking in. Rollins once again makes the climb as he has been on the offensive, but Orton yanks him down, catching his buts square on the ropes. Of course, instead of bailing he shows of for the crowd because that’s what a guy with 12 title runs knows is the smartest move. Orton then goes for the RKO, but changes things up and nails a Pedigree, mocking The Authority.
More standing around by Orton which –And you won’t believe this– gets him caught and taken out. Rollins tells Kane to open the door and makes his exit on to be caught by Orton and slammed with a back-breaker. The cage door is still open, but as Orton tries to leave, Kane closes the door. Rollins sees his chance and lands a flying kick, but misses Orton and clock Kane. Kane now get all flustered and slams the door on both men and enters the ring because EXTREME!!!
Kane makes a B-line for Rollins, but is distracted by J&J and choke slams them. Kane then looks like he will slam Rollins, but at the last second grabs Orton and choke slams him instead. Rollins goes for the door, but Kane grabs him and choke slams the champ. Kane then tosses Rollins on-top of Orton hoping for a win, but Orton kick out, making Kane even more pissed. Randy gets up and drops Kane with an RKO only for Rollins to then RKO Orton and escapes the cage. I’m going to guess that the RKO was only “banned” for Randy Orton. All in all a pretty boring and needless match.
And that’s a wrap! All in all it was an okay event at best, and it doesn’t really do much storyline wise other than to finally put over Roman Reigns. AT least in that regard it did what it needed to do.
About Author
