We’re going into week two of reality dating competition, I Wanna Marry “Harry” and our remaining bevy of ladies don’t seem super phased by still having the identity of “Sir” kept from them. Surely they’re preoccupied with figuring out how to take down Crown Suite winner Rose and not all that worried about whether or not this guy is like, royal or something? Cause like, love!
Welp, among the eleven women who remain Kim, who told Camera last week that she’s under the impression Michael Jackson is alive, is a little skeptical of the whole affair thus far. “They wouldn’t let all these crazy girls around Prince Harry, that should be…like, a law.” Ya know, when it you say it out loud like that, it’s amazing how you’re still sticking around.
Must be the flashy helicopter, arriving for all the non-lucky contestants to watch Ma-Harry and Rose get whisked away to their fairytale date. And before you ask, yes there’s lobster eaten on a beach and Rose does her best Harriet the Spy investigating. This romantic setting is amped up by Ma-Harry’s “security team”, some retired grip guys in suits, checking their iPhones. It helps seals Ma-Harry’s clunker of a come-on to Rose, “a date fit for a royal” or some such cliche. She all but rips her pants off right then and there, no lobster needed.
But for dude who consciously agreed to lie and deceive these women, Ma-Harry ain’t shy about getting his judge on. He tells Camera that he thinks Rose acts kinda slutty for a chick on a date with a royal. Which I think might be British dry humor, yeah? Anyway, good thing he’s only posing as a royal, so who cares if she’s slutty. Get it while the getting is good, you dirty liar. Ma-Harry and Rose get their mack on in the water, if for no other reason than Ma-Harry wants her to stop asking questions he cannot answer.
To continue the illusion that Ma-Harry is “important” but have the girls guessing, and not think about whether or not this is part of the shows built-in budget, they keep the stunts coming. When Ma-Harry gets some alone time with aforementioned Kim, he’s rudely rushed away mid-sentence and driven off dramatically. Basically, it looked like he placed one of those phone calls you make to a friend to bail you out of a boring date, but whatever. It worked, at least on fun-lush Maggie, who refuses to think she’s “just some American ding-dong.” for being here.
Thirty-three minutes into I Wanna Marry “Harry” and the ladies vying for “Sir”’s affections are still guessing his name, not weird at all to be enamoured already AT ALL. Must be becuse they’ve verified via Rose, the security team is “rill” and “not for show” guaranteeing he’s of “royal status”, like a Duke or something. Thanks for clearing that up Nancy Drew.
Ma-Harry, being the “sporty” guy he is, invites the ladies for a decidedly English date: Cricket and Tea Time. Being resident Queen Bee For Now, I mean, Crown Suite winner – Rose splits up her fellow contestants into cricket player and tea time prep crew. This causes tension – duh.
The events that follow are by-and-large boring, Ma-Harry teaches the unathletic cricket team how to play in their Rockford Peaches get ups. After lobbing balls at his possible paramours, Ma-Harry politely entertains the Tea Time Crew, smartly avoiding Rose’s inquisitive nature. He’s struggling with figuring out if any of these women truly-duly like him. Which, why waste your time on that when you could be making out with more of them under false pretenses? That’s the point of the show, right?
Before Ma-Harry sends one lass home and give a new IT girl her break to spend the night in the Crown Suite, they must sit down a forced-awkward, formal dinner.
Maggie eats food she’s never heard of before like, oysters and washes it down with generous glasses of wine. Mind you, these were not small pours of wine. As Maggie proceeded to get white-girl wasted, the others within earshot watched in horror. There’s always one, didn’t a chick throw up on the first night of Flavor of Love?
Anyway, at the poetic stroke of midnight and based mainly off the “glint in their eyes”, Ma-Harry gives Kim the key to the Crown Suite. And in all reality, she’s probably be his best bet if Ma-Harry doesn’t fuck it up beyond the simple premise of their meeting. Homegirl seems super sweet and just wants someone to buy her drive thru, it’s no wonder she does a 180 the second the key touches her hand. Pretty sure she’s on the fast track to Stockholm Syndrome doe.
Someone has to go home and Ma-Harry chooses Andrea cause, “he doesn’t know her”. Waddup pot, have you met kettle? Though Andrea leaves the mansion in tears, mainly fueled by her competitive nature of never losing, she might not of won fake Harry’s heart but she does win best parting line. “I’m not really…attracted to uh, a ginger with bad teeth” – BOOM, YOU JUST GOT SERVED MA-HARRY.
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