When you’re faking your way through Prince-dom, what’s the quickest way to confirm speculation without saying anything at all? Poorly photoshop a picture of yourself and your bro-lo el cunado “William”; leave it in plain view of your date, in a totes casual manner, and abruptly exit the room to take a wee. Then just wait for it, cause bitches removed from society with only the topic of who their mysterious suitor is, go cray for this kind of stuff. Seriously.
I Wanna Marry “Harry” is doubling down on turning this pauper into a full-on wannabe ginger Prince. Honestly, the less Ma-Harry verbally contributes to this venture, the better. This weeks episode “My ‘Brother’ William”, wasted no time in gently throwing the latest rouse in Crown Suite winner Karina’s face. And because all of the remaining contests constantly want to assert that they aren’t “dummies”, Karina asks Ma-Harry about the most subtle question she can think of, in regards to DAT PHOTO, “is that you and your brother?”. Even though nearly all the remaining women will swear up and down that they don’t care if he is the Prince, that they just wanna know who he is, lose their collective shit over the news Karina shares. “I MADE OUT WITH PRINCE HARRY!” someone squeals out. Can’t you feel the love tonight?
The next day, the ladies are summoned for a date in the horse stables. Chelsea and Maggie are picked for a romantic horseback ride with Ma-Harry; the rest of the bunch get to romantically clean out the stables because even though Ma-Harry is aware this show doesn’t automatically make him a real Prince, he still wants a lady-friend that isn’t scared of getting her hands dirty. Most of the chicks relegated to scooping up poop are disgusted, there is one person though who is taking all of this to heart and for that reason, is the most unintentionally depressing “character” (since we’re liberally using quotes anyway), and prize goes to Kelly.
If Kelly isn’t tearing herself down in the looks department, she is feverishly picking up those stables like it is her legit job, her thinking is this: the greater volume of literal horse crap she picks up enthusiastically is bringing her that much closer to Ma-Harry’s arms. Oh girl, stop.
Elsewhere, Chelsea and Maggie should be having a romantic post-horse-ride lunch with Ma-Harry but escalates to unhealthy fraught levels when Chelsea calls out the worlds most obvious fact, Maggie likes to live her life like everyday is Spring Break. This sets off a chain of events that result in Chelsea excusing herself from the show, due to the amount of bullying she ends up being the receiving end of for a bulk of this episode. This was actually kind of sad moment because out the group, Chelsea really seemed like the most down to earth person there. Plus, who will teach them to twerk now?!
And speaking of dissention in the ranks, Anna Lisa vocalizes her disbelief, not falling for the helicopters or AARP security team. Wanna know why she doesn’t think it’s Prince Harry? His nose. YUP. I mean, kudos to her though, I don’t think I could pick my nose in a lineup, and me and my nose are LIKETHISSON.
To cheer up the ladies and distract from Chelsea’s departure, Ma-Harry throws a classy Garden Party, wiffle ball included. But Ma-harry is feeling conflicted (again), this time about Karina(er); “lying to someone you don’t know is okay. Lying to someone you’re starting to have feelings for is…wrong”. Don’t worry, they still get a lot of make out seshs in this episode, to the cargain of the remaining broads. But Ma-Harry has every right to be feeling paranoid, during the Garden Party, he steals some alone time with Anna Lisa. Bad move, bro.
Anna Lisa doesn’t go easy on him in the slightest, asking a ton of question to a anxious-sweaty Ma-Harry. Thankfully, he remembers the old deflection tactic of: ASK HER QUESTIONS. Phew, bullet dodged for now. Yet, Anna Lisa still isn’t quite sold on any of it, thinking he doesn’t have enough freckles to be the real Prince Harry. I don’t know what kind of high res photos she’s been looking at but all these questions are gonna get her sent home. And they do, but you don’t want me to skip over the hot tub, truth-or-dare they all play together, do you? Oh, you do? Fair enough.
So, despite Chelsea eliminating herself earlier, Ma-Harry still picks two women to bring into his make-or-break lair, Anna Lisa (duh) and Kelly. Anna Lisa’s skeptical ass gets sent home so that Kelly’s dreams can come true. And Jesus, when Ma-Harry asks her stay in the Crown Suite, THE NOISE SHE MAKES. ONLY DOGS SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR THAT. “This is the best time of Kelly’s life”, true dat Maggie and Lord help all these women when they find out the truth.
Next week, The Butler “officially” spills the beans on the obvs. The higher the climb, the more hilarious the fall, right?
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