The Walking Dead is almost over, and Margaux and I are suffering from a bad case of senioritis.
Trevor: This fuckin’ show, I swear to God. Just when it makes incremental improvements – “Say Yes” managed to be a solid episode about the show’s worst character – it takes ten steps backwards with a dog like “Something They Need.” I think it’s summed up best by Sasha’s first meeting with Negan – why show a fight scene when you could describe it? That’s what people want, endless childish dialogue! The Walking Dead mindset, in a nutshell.
Margaux: “Something They Need” was so painful at times, it made me nostalgic for season two on the farm. But one of the few redemptive qualities of this episode is how they seemed to find some sort of middle ground cutting between different storylines. Although it’s kind of late to find this sort rhythm in the penultimate episode. One thing that is absolutely unforgivable this season as a whole, there hasn’t been a glimmer of stakes or tension, just “Rick is broken” and now, “Rick wants to fight.” Everyone falls into line the way they’re supposed to, no matter how puzzling the logic behind their decision is. Case in point: Tara. Rick’s bench must be fucking bleak if they’re sending her in as lead negotiator.
Trevor: Weirdly enough, the Oceanside stuff…I didn’t hate it. I found it hilarious that Tara’s promise was so important to her that the show built an entire episode around it (the aptly titled “Swear”), and she broke it at the first chance she was given to do so. And you know me, I’m a sucker for interesting imagery, and I kind of liked seeing the group (I keep wanting to call them “the gang,” Sunny style) as an attacking force, and I can only imagine how goddamn weird it must have been for everyone to realize they were being robbed at gunpoint by a priest and a kid with one eye (speaking of which, when is Carl going to transition from bandage to eyepatch? It’s been a while).
Margaux: They spend so much time agonizing over the dumbest minutiae, we couldn’t trace Tara’s sudden change of heart beyond her spilling her stupid guts to a fucking baby? Goooooo fuck yourself, Walking Dead. You’re so busy being in love with Eugene’s cowardice, you shat all over a more interesting plot. They must have pulled double overtime on “Something They Need” to make some of the women we regard as truly badass to look like total fools. Sasha and Maggie, namely, but let’s start with Mrs. Abraham.
So Sasha isn’t dead, and to add insult to injury, we don’t even get to see her attempted Rambo-style assault on the Savior compound. And it took a while, but Walking Dead finally got around to using rape as a plot device AND to define a shitty villain they’ve all but neutralized on camera.
Trevor: Yeah, that was an unnecessary scene; on the one hand, I like that Negan doesn’t allow rape at Sanctuary, but on the other, I don’t need to see a woman in peril just to advance a male character’s development. We’re back at fuckin’ Slabtown with Beth and Daryl if that’s the case.
Margaux: Oh give me a fucking break, you totally fell for it! Negan is a benevolent overlord because he looks down his nose on rape, LIKE EVERYONE SHOULD? And you think being “married” to Negan isn’t rape? Just because she ain’t screaming no doesn’t mean it’s consensual.
Trevor: No, I think it’s the exact same. Don’t try to paint me as pro-rape or pro-Negan when I’m trying to agree with you, haha.
Margaux: I’m not. People love to demand credit for the shit they should already be doing. And this little character trait they decided to keep from the comic books makes even less sense on screen, which no matter what you wanna spin it, is still a form of sexual coercion for Sasha.
Trevor: Negan is definitely all over the place. I like Jeffrey Dean Morgan, but he’s not given a lot to work with, especially with that idiotic dialogue. “Lady nuts” is a stupid-ass phrase, but it’s regrettably in character for someone who used the phrase “pee pee pants city” when we first met him. I haven’t read this far in the books, but I know that “fuck” is one of his favorite words, which obviously he can’t say on AMC, so did they just replace it with stupid garbage? That’s…a bold choice, I guess.
Margaux: Can we get rid of Negan’s obsession with balls? First Carl’s balls, now Sasha’s “lady balls” (which is just 8th grader fucking writing right there). Not only are balls literally the least tough part on the human body – you wanna be anatomically correct, call them vaginas; vaginas beat the shit outta balls anyday of the week. Since Negan made silly putty outta Abraham and Glenn’s brains, they’ve done a lot to make him seem like a complete fucking idiot. Why is he trying to poach people from Alexandria? He’s not the fucking CEO of a tech startup, he’s supposed to be the scariest motherfucker this side of the Mississippi, and so far all he’s done is not very much to make me believe in that. Negan says a lot of boring shit he thinks is important.
Trevor: You nailed it earlier this season when you said he’s more effective if we see him less. I hadn’t thought about it at the time, and now it’s all I can think about. A few episodes ago, we only heard him in snippets from a walkie-talkie, and that was a much more effective way to keep him present but also off-screen.
How did the ending work for you? It’s something we’ve predicted for a long time, but honestly the show is such a master class in ineptitude that I’m surprised they actually followed through one a plot thread.
Margaux: Much like Enid’s opening line to Carl (“do you think about the people you killed?”), I openly laughed out loud when Daryl went full junk yard dog on Melty Face.
Trevor: He sounded like the Tasmanian Devil. I’m surprised he didn’t just start whirling around.
Margaux: I think that not only is Dwight’s face melted, he’s also two faced. I don’t trust that prick, he’s already fucked up Daryl before. And it begs the more interesting questions, why now? Especially after Negan’s “little bird” ratted out Alexandria, this timing is too perfect. But this show isn’t good enough to have M.F. be a double-double crosser.
But when Rick told him to kneel, and M.F. actually started to do it, I really wished Rick would’ve intoned, “now suck Darryl’s dick.” THEN, ONLY THEN, would I respect this show for finally understanding what it is: zombie apocalypse Oz.
Trevor: I never thought I’d say this, but Austin Amelio’s performance as Dwight has kinda grown on me, and in spite of myself I’m interested in this development (which, again, the show has been telegraphing for some time now).
Margaux: YOU GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW AND THINK ABOUT YOU JUST SAID TO ME.
Trevor: But I can’t get that invested, because the season ends next week, and we know they’re not going to kill Negan, so expect a whole lot of talking. Granted, Halt and Catch Fire’s season finale was an hour-long meeting, but it was fucking riveting because HaCF is a much better show.
Margaux: Comparing TWD to HaCF is like comparing bird shit to gold. Makes no goddamn sense.
What do you think about Eugene officially committing to being a Negan? He’ll only be there until the tides turn, and I really hope Rosita or Sasha murders him.
Trevor: Honestly, I’m into it. I was hoping the show would go that route with Daryl, but it doesn’t have the balls to do that. However, someone had to turn, and Scott Gimple knows that no one will really miss Eugene. So it’s an economic choice, but it also gives Josh McDermitt more to do; he can still be grating, but he’s able to stretch a little more, and I think it could help the character in the long run. God, speaking of shallow rosters, here I am all wide-eyed, going “Think of the potential for Eugene!” What the hell.
Oh, and the episode didn’t look bad. There was a shot of Eugene in Sasha’s cell where all you could see was his face, and I thought it was pretty great. But it makes sense; “Something You Need” was directed by longtime Breaking Bad DP Michael Slovis.
Margaux: That explains why the pacing was the smoothest it’s been in this back half of the season. But good directing is only as good as the script, and per usual, it was poorly written. For people who’ve known each other for seven seasons, they sure don’t talk like it.
Before we take this Old Yeller out back and put it outta its misery, what do you think Gregory’s idiot savant in charge this week? I can’t believe he contemplated to attempt Maggie’s murder – who, with a fucked up uterus, could still him on one-handed. And after his pointless hem-and-haw, he turns out to be so fucking inept when it comes to killing a mostly rotted zombie. Is The Walking Dead trying to shoehorn in some attempt at social commentary? Dumb-evil, leader Gregory? Cause they should maybe quit that while they’re ahead.
Trevor: I haven’t thought about it that much, I was too busy laughing at Maggie immediately throwing Gregory under the bus by telling Hilltoppers he’d never killed a walker before. So there was another casualty there: Gregory’s credibility. You wanna talk stars?
Margaux: As far second-to-last episodes go, I’d say this was a pretty shitty showing that did nothing to drum up any excitement for the finale, or build to anything for that matter because I bet all out war doesn’t even happen by the end of next week’s episode. This show is too still hesitant to strongly delineate that Rick is just a nicer version of Negan, which we’ve discussed at length is what would take this show from night time soap opera to actual golden-age-of-TV-drama. Just think how much more interesting this episode would’ve been if Tara died at the hands of some Oceansider, or Sasha fucking slit Eugene’s throat. But The Walking Dead is always a better show in your head than what you see on the screen.
2.5/5
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