Margaux and I bid farewell to another frustrating, inconsistent season of The Walking Dead.
Trevor: How typical of The Walking Dead to play it so safe when it needed to blow the doors off. “The First Day of the Rest of Your Life” took about forty minutes to get going, and that death was telegraphed from moment one (still the show’s worst impulse, in my opinion), but all that being said, I didn’t hate it the way we hated, say, last week’s episode. There were some strong moments here, and that battle at the end was pretty decent. How did it work for you?
Margaux: I wanted to hate it strictly because the title shares the name with a Bright Eyes song, but out of all of their finales in the last few seasons, this was the one that lacked the most tension. Which, at the risk of repeating myself, was their number one problem in the back half of the season. The action scenes, which tend to be the strongest part of their finales, were edited a little confusingly, hard to follow at times what was happening. And worst of all, no one was murdered. Notice how I didn’t say “died,” I said murdered. Because we’ve had this promise of this merciless big bad Negan, who is supposed to be so unpredictable and unforgiving, except, he’s a bigger dummy than Rick. So, I wouldn’t say I hated it as much as I was disappointed in it. Like most of this season, it would’ve been more impactful six episodes ago.
Trevor: “Disappointing” is a good word. Take, for instance, the flashbacks with Sasha and Abe. The first time it happened, I thought it was effective, because, well, I didn’t expect to see Abe. I’m easily pleased. But by the second, third, and then fourth time it happened, I was totally over it. And don’t get me started on Sasha’s dream about Abe dying – it totally undercuts the random brutality of his death in an attempt to make it more MEANINGFUL. Now it’s like he’s fulfilling some dumbass prophecy (“fulfilling a prophecy” is one of the cheapest storytelling techniques you can use, in my opinion). At least we didn’t hear any of Abe’s stupid colloquialisms.
Other than that, it was another overlong episode that didn’t need to be as long as it was. We spent a lot of time establishing that Hilltop and the Kingdom are getting ready to fight, but we’ve been establishing that all goddamn season, so we really don’t need to see them physically moving towards Alexandria. I think we can figure it out. (Also, I know Jerry and Ezekiel love the medieval cosplay, but was Jerry carrying an actual banner? God, go to hell, Jerry.)
Margaux: I’d say the best part of the first Sasha flashback was it made me legitimately believe we were in a Jacob’s Ladder scenario, I was engaged for two full minutes trying to parse out clues, but you’re completely right. By the fourth time we watch Abe and Sasha rehash their burnt to a crisp conversation WE’VE ALREADY HEARD BEFORE, it adds absolutely nothing new to either their characters or relationship, I was checked out. I just don’t understand why Negan felt the need to put her in a coffin as sort of prop comedy, bargaining chip when he already had Rick by his all-time favorite word, balls. And other than the in-the-moment shock value, Sasha’s turn into a zombie makes her death feel even a little pointless.
Trevor: Here’s the thing: yes, since Sasha didn’t kill anyone (except some random Savior), her death was definitely pointless. However, I will admit to liking the imagery. You know I’m a sucker for surreal imagery – I talk about it in almost every review – and seeing a brand-new coffin in a world where no one gets buried was just weird enough to be interesting. And when I figured out what she was doing with the poison Eugene gave her, I got a little excited. Not because I thought her plan would work, but because I appreciated the ingenuity and sacrifice. Sasha was a cool, if sometimes frustrating character, but she went out on her own terms, and I think Abe would have appreciated that.
Margaux: Fine, I’ll allow it.
Trevor: Let’s talk about the junkyard gang and their leader, Jadis. At first I liked them, but now they kind of bug me because civilization only ended a few years ago and they’re already back to talking like cave men. Did you anticipate their betrayal? (Consider that a rhetorical question.)
Margaux: To a certain degree, yes. I didn’t think they’d be the ones to rat out Alexandria (or did fucking Dwight do that?) to Negan. But you know what? I think Rick deserved what he got, it was another half-cocked plan and he’s been overdue for a bullet to the gut for his fucking hubris. I did laugh very hard though when the Trash Cult rolled up on bicycles that bullies from 80s movies ride to terrorize schoolchildren, and FUCKING GARBAGE TRUCKS! It feels so good to laugh again.
Trevor: I’m glad you found that as funny as I did, them piling out of garbage trucks like henchmen in BMX Bandits or something. I like that Rick was willing to blow up Eugene, but the more I think about it, why the fuck wouldn’t he have been? Everyone in Alexandria hated that guy – probably why he fits in so well at Sanctuary – and he was with Negan for about 24 hours before switching sides. I’d blow him up too, just on principal. Although, I did like the moment when Rick asked “Where’s Negan?” and Eugene responded “I’m Negan.” Eugene has said that before, to other Saviors, but saying it to his former leader is a solid way to show just how much of the Kool-Aid he’s had.
Margaux: I really wished Rick would’ve put one between Eugene’s eyes, he was the last goddamn person that should’ve tried to talk down Rick. He has no people skills or spine, why is he still here? Another cautionary tale? Ugh. Judging by Negan’s line of questioning near the end of the episode, there’s a faint whiff of distrust of Eugene. In other “how is this motherfucker still alive?!” news: Melty Face. Junkyard dog Daryl should’ve heeded Tara’s advice and killed him when he had the chance because it turns out, much like Eugene, he has no loyalty. What a shock, it’s only taken four or fives times for them to understand this asshole isn’t to be trusted. Ever. I guess that’s one more thing the Alexandria’s have in common with Saviors, they don’t know how to capitalize on moment even if it’s fucking gift wrapped for them. Ultimately, I think what I’m most mad the finale didn’t accomplish was killing off fucking Melty Face.
Trevor: One of the funniest things about season 7, to me, is watching your hatred of Dwight grow with each review as mine lessens in turn. And to be clear: I have no idea why. I agree with every single one of your criticisms. But for whatever reason, Austin Amelio has grown on me. Please don’t ask me to explain this.
A big problem I had with “The First Day” is that it undercut any tension achieved by Rick’s group momentarily losing the battle. Negan says he’s going to kill Carl in front of Rick – fine, that’s plausible if unlikely. Then he says that afterwards he’s going to cut off Rick’s hands, and the show lost me. I knew there was no way that would ever happen (not on this show at least; Game of Thrones would have done that in its first twenty minutes), so as soon as Negan made that threat I found myself wondering “How are they going to get out of this one?” To be fair to the show, they got out of it awesomely. When Shiva the tiger jumped into frame, I let out an audible “Hell yeah,” which is something I didn’t think this show could make me do anymore.
Margaux: Well, I’d argue the show undercut any tension earned after the Trash People turn on them because why on earth wouldn’t Negan take this moment to shoot Rick? Any possible answer/excuse you could come up with will alternately paint Negan – a villain – as a coward or a moron or both. And any attempt to say that they’re doing a commentary on something deeper is obviously a joke since this show regularly writes dialogue like “Here’s not here.” So yeah, they were never going to kill Rick, or Carl, or chop off Rick’s hand(s) because that’d be a CGI nightmare (which is already something they show a tenuous grasp of – I barely registered it as a tiger at first, as much as it was an orange, furry blur), but mainly because this how decided long ago Rick and Carl cannot die. At least, not right now. So with the battle won for Negan, all he can do is make long, meandering speeches about how scary he is until something actually more scary than him can happen.
Trevor: That’s a very good point. It’s like someone was off screen making the “stretch” motion to Negan, so he just had to vamp to kill dead air until the cavalry showed up. “The First Day” ended pretty much like I expected it to, with the Saviors officially at war with everyone. That sounds like an exciting season eight, and it another show’s hands it might be. But this season has pretty effectively killed my hopes. (We’ve been very harsh on an episode that wasn’t, by a long stretch, the worst of the season. Just wanted to say that before we wrap up.) Do you want to talk stars? You know the drill, episode first, then season.
Margaux: I did want to point out two quick observations/questions from Hilltop. First, Gregory’s gone, presumably to snitch to the most underrated character on the show, Simon. With Maggie taking charge and leading the Hilltoppers to fight in Alexandria, is Gregory just going to defect to the Saviors? Also, baby Judith sighting. Did she get dropped off there after Negan played house with her and Carl?
Trevor: When I saw Judith, I legitimately thought Maggie had given birth and there was a time jump, because I had no idea who the fuck I was looking at.
Margaux: Fair. I only assumed because she looked similar to the last baby who played Judith. How fucking old is this kid anyway? They need a time jump soon.
Trevor: Jump to a few years from now when they’re off the air! Hi-yo!
Wow, so I guess that’s as good a segue as any to circle back to rating this heap because what’s the point if we can’t rate this show on a scale of 1 to 5. Starting with “The First Day of the Rest of Your Life,” as a general rule of thumb for The Walking Dead: less is more. A little fat trimming – to this episode and season – would’ve helped things, but that’s not the reality. Reality is, it wasn’t terrible, but once you have time to sit with it, it doesn’t age as well. 3 stars. This season though, HOO BOY. It was…tough to watch at times, maddening and frustrating, especially when everyone is telling you to watch Big Little Lies and you’re stuck watching this nighttime soap opera that thinks it’s a drama. Cutting back on the gore, the only thing that is truly unfuckupable for this show, was a big mistake because when they rely on the sentimentally, it gets exhausting and worst of all, boring.
“The First Day of the Rest of Your Life” grade: 3/5
The Walking Dead season 7B grade: 2/5
The Walking Dead season 7 grade: 3/5
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