Way back in its first season, The Walking Dead had an episode called “Guts.” In it, Rick, Glenn, and a few now-dead survivors draped themselves in walker entrails to disguise their scent. By doing so they were able to make it through a massive horde of walkers unscathed. It was gruesome, tense, and most of all, smart. Because the plan worked. (In fact it worked so well that for all subsequent seasons, the show had to deal with smartass fanboys asking why the group didn’t just keep barrels of guts around at all times.) I bring this up for two reasons: one, it shows how smart this group can be when they need to be. And two, the last time they were really smart was in the second goddamn episode of the show. “East,” while not the profound disappointment that was last week’s “Twice As Far,” is nonetheless a serious step backwards for the show, and a good argument for the demise of everyone involved (I mean characters; I’m sure the actors and writers are all lovely people).
Before we get to the stupid decisions made in “East,” let’s talk about the one smart decision. Maggie has the foresight to hide guns around Alexandria, so if any invading force makes it to the armory (which has happened in the past), the group won’t be totally unarmed. Of course, then Maggie goes ahead and gets a haircut for the stupidest reason I’ve ever heard: “I don’t want anything in my way.” Do you…do you mean hair? Like, physically in your way? Maggie, you’ve had long hair since season two, and it has never once even remotely got in your way. Look at Daryl – his hair is literally in his way, covering his eyes, and he’s still Annie fucking Oakley with that crossbow. You know what I think happened? The show wanted to mess with viewers, so they came up with an arbitrary reason for Maggie to get a haircut, just so everyone could freak out over Lauren Cohan’s new look, assuming that it spelled doom for Maggie.
Okay, that went a little south. And it’s only gonna get worse. Carol is now firmly on the run, but she doesn’t get far; her tire gets shot out by Saviors just a few miles from Alexandria. I don’t like what The Walking Dead is doing to the character, but at the very least Melissa McBride is committing to the changes, to the point where it’s impossible to tell how much of Carol’s fear is an act or not. I’ll tell you what’s not an act: her sewing a gun pocket into her jacket, which enables her to gun down four men. The fifth is still after her, and one of the few things that “East” does right is not wrap up that plotline.
But what this episode does wrong, it does really wrong. I audibly groaned when Morgan and Rick went to look for Carol, because every second spent with Morgan is a second I could spend doing literally anything else, like, say, punching myself in the dick. Every time he says “all life is precious” I hate the show more, not just for this stupid philosophy, but because they haven’t torpedoed a character this badly since Andrea. I and many other viewers spent season five hotly anticipating Morgan’s return, and now that he’s back I wish to Christ we’d seen the last of him in “Clear.”
And here’s another thing: Morgan is wrong. Provably, empirically wrong. His “let’s talk to them” mentality flies in the face of everything the show is trying to do. Negan is getting built up, on the show and online, as the greatest threat the group has ever seen, and Morgan’s greatest coup would be to reason with this man, which we know won’t happen, because Negan’s handiwork with his bat Lucille is a constant threat. The Saviors know about Alexandria – the men Carol killed even knew where it was, 12.75 clicks away – and best case scenario, they’d end up in the same position as Hilltop, paying tribute to Negan. Which I’m sure would be fine with Morgan, as long as nobody’s pwecious wittle feewings get hurt. And Hilltop hadn’t even killed about a dozen of Negan’s men – does Morgan really think he’ll be able to reason with this person? What unimaginable, narcissistic, delusional hubris.
Speaking of hubris: he has the balls to take roundabout responsibility for Carl living after being shot. Here’s Morgan’s logic: Morgan saves Wolf; Wolf saves Denise; Denise saves Carl. By that logic, Morgan saving Rick in the pilot makes Morgan responsible for every death that Rick has caused.
Daryl and Rosita don’t fare much better. Daryl goes out in a rage to kill Dwight (or, as Abe says in yet another insufferable colloquialism, Daryl “goes ICBM”), only to be followed by Glenn, Rosita, and Michonne. I gotta say, it’s a great idea for Alexandria, currently under threat of attack, to be guarded by Abe, Sasha, and a pregnant woman. Great thinking, guys.
Daryl, after acknowledging just last episode that, hey, sometimes other people have good ideas, is pissed that he was followed. So now we’re back to lone-wolf badass Daryl, which I thought he’d grown out of while searching for Sophia and through his friendship with Carol, but I guess not. He’s the same stupid, selfish asshole we met in season one.
The stupidity reaches its nadir when Glenn remarks to Michonne that they’ve been lucky so far; as if on cue, a group of Saviors announce their presence and take the two captive. Glenn, commenting on your good luck is the Walking Dead version of being two days away from retirement. Later, Daryl tries to rescue the two, but doesn’t check his surroundings, and once more is bested by Dwight. I will give “East” credit for a strong ending, as Dwight shoots Daryl (seemingly in the shoulder) and the screen cuts to black too quickly to tell if Daryl is dead or not. But then, perhaps to reassure Tumblr, or perhaps cognizant of how badly Glenn’s “death” was handled, the show makes sure that Dwight says “You’ll be all right.” No shit. It’s Daryl Dixon.
A Few Thoughts
- With Daryl, Glenn, Michonne, and Rosita now in captivity, they look to be the four most likely candidates for death by Lucille. Obviously I’m rooting for Morgan to show up in the eleventh hour and offer himself as sacrifice (which he absolutely would do), but for as much as this show wants you to think that Daryl or Michonne could die, it’ll probably be Rosita. She taught Eugene to fight and got dumped by Abe, so by the show’s logic, she has officially outlived her usefulness. I don’t take Glenn into consideration because the show already “killed” him once, and I don’t think they’d go back to that well.
- Nice description of Carol, courtesy of Rick: “That woman, she’s a force of nature.”
- Here’s every conversation between anybody and Morgan: “That guy’s bad. He killed a bunch of people.” “But what if he’s good?” Philosophy on The Walking Dead, everybody.
- Everybody’s almost aggressive stupidity brought to mind a great story by Stephen King, “The End of the Whole Mess.” You can find a PDF online through a quick Google search, but I’d recommend just buying the collection Nightmares and Dreamscapes.
About Author
