Trevor is out this week, but that’s okay, I have enough opinions on last night’s “The Cell” for the two of us.
Hey, did you guys know that things are going really bad for the protagonists of The Walking Dead? And I’m not saying that as an existential quandary, “The Cell” went out of its way to show us how grim life at The Sanctuary (say it ain’t so, irony survives through the apocalypse?!) can be. Even if you’re a Negan, you’ve still gotta coerce your way into that fried egg sandwich and worn VHS tapes of Who’s the Boss, and even then, that doesn’t numb the pain of watching poor saps Ninja Warrior their way out of a walker obstacle course. Just like the opposite of funny is explaining the joke, the same applies to super villain operations, the more shrouded in mystery, the better. Once you see the man behind the curtain, the illusion is shattered and the big bad quality seems to of lost a bit of its sheen. But we’re here, the Daryl episode, what everyone has been-adhfjkdshfodjksf
Excuse me, I passed out on my keyboard thinking about how dull it was to watch a supercut of Daryl eating dog food sandwiches and listening to the Taylor Swift end-of-the-world equivalent. The horror of Daryl’s monotony isn’t as scary as they want to think, it sure beats getting eaten by zombie or taking one to the dome, or even, listening to some pinche faker with a giant tiger spout his back-of-tea-bag wisdom.
Shhh, do you hear that? It’s the audible groan of having to sit through another The Walking Dead bottle episode. At least “The Well” had the surprising likeability of Morgan and Carol teaming up. Who the fuck gives a single, solitary shit about Dwight (who will henceforth be called Melty Face, or M.F. for short) and his less well crafted version of HBO’s Divorce, with his forgettable wife and Negan? It’s like the writers of this show have been hit in the head with Lucille and completely forgot that there are other, more compelling characters that they spent quite a bit of time getting us emotionally invested in over the course of seven seasons, only to leave them hanging out to dry while we get to know Melty Face and watch Daryl eat shit sandwiches because lest we forgot, things are capital B Bleak. Bitch, please. Show me Tara finding out that not only her girlfriend, but two dudes who ostensibly ‘saved her life’ have been brutally murdered. Now that’s bleak.
The problem with a Daryl-centric episode are that the stakes are even lower than they normally are. Daryl is never, ever going to get killed off, no amount of dumpster-like close calls can change that, he’s a fan favorite and unless Daryl Reedus Rides his Motorcycle season two got greenlit (it didn’t), no boss on TWD is going to let him go. So there’s no suspense if Daryl will join the Savoirs (he might on the surface to survive, but we’ve been shown and told he’s not “I am Negan” material), and he’s not going to have a Beth Slabtown arc because again, he’s never going to die, but he might get M.F. or someone else he’s close to killed again if he tries to stand up for them. But I’m guessing after the headbashing Glenn took, and the polaroid M.F. kindly gave to remind him, he won’t be trying that either. His escape was momentarily exciting and a little tense, but generally meaningless, a literal waste of time. Did anyone else expect Daryl to somehow slide out under door crack, Alex Mac style?
It is too soon though for someone as purportedly evil as Negan to be acting this soft. Isn’t he supposed to be the baddest motherfucker around? He’s got a bunch of totally forgettable white men thinking they’re Negan too. It was charming the first time he forgave Daryl for his transgression of attempted bailing via stolen motorcycle, “but I’m thirsty…for a drink!”, but by the time we got to the unnecessary, long winded explanation about how Melty Face’s face got all melted and Negan confirming he’s banging M.F.’s wife, but only because her hotter sister died, Negan could’ve been anyone. And if I wanted all this sister-wife bullshit, I’d just revisit Big Love.
But my biggest gripe is, despite Negan’s shine to Daryl (“who are you?” “I’m Daryl”, was that a reference to Roots? Cause just don’t TWD), why do we keep being told and alluded to what an unforgiving monster Negan is instead of actually seeing it? I, for one, would be down for a flashback of him ironing Melty Faces mug into what we’ve come to know it as. Sure, you could make the argument that we saw his mercilessness when he murdered Abe and Glenn, but I’d counter by pointing out they were more retaliation versus pure evil – and I’d win that argument too because I was on debate team for three years. So have several seats, thanks.
But wait, I have a theory, and it’s not the one where I say I could probably write this show better than most its staff. It’s about M.F. and his particular brand of benevolence that seems to take hold after he blares “Crying” by Roy Orbison in Daryl’s cell. After M.F. mercy kills his Savior buddy, it’s interesting to note that Savoir Buddy wisely tells M.F., “there are so many of us, and only one of him” about Negan.
I think this exchange did a lot to make M.F. amenable to the idea of overthrowing Negan, but he’s going to need help in accomplishing that, enter stage right: Mister Daryl Dixon. All of this is solidified for alternate universe Harvey Dent when he sees that Savoir Buddy, who he thought he “freed” through death, ended up in the very obstacle zombie pit he was trying to avoid. Don’t you see, it’s symbolism! There can be no escape if Negan is still alive, the seeds are being sowed. Live free or die hard, by a barbed wire bat.
Grade: C+
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