True Blood is a very silly show, with nothing even resembling consequences or narrative heft. Not once in the show’s previous six seasons – SIX! – has a main character died, even when it would have benefited the story if they did (looking at you, Tara at the end of season four). This is a problem that True Blood tries to fix in its typical tactless fashion, killing Tara off-screen before the credits roll.
Tara’s death comes at the end of the attack by the Hep-V vampires, who at the end of last season were menacingly approaching Bellefleur’s (formerly Merlotte’s) to raise hell at the vampire-human mixer. Between the mixer and the “one vampire for every human” buddy system, Sam is running Bon Temps like a summer camp. Several residents of note are carried away by the H-vamps, such as Holly, Arlene, and Officer Kevin, who rightly points out “Bon Temps has a police force of five, and I’m one of em.” I think Mayberry RFD has a bigger police presence.
Anyway, after the initial attack, “Jesus Gonna Be Here” hangs a sharp right into Subplot City, which is actually a good choice because the episode takes place over the course of little more than a day, and checking in on so many characters saves us from prolonged periods with, say, Jessica, whose subplot amounts to little more than a staring contest.
Bill and Andy go to find the H-vampires’ nest (which they do, almost immediately), only to find it empty. They’re then accosted by scared, angry townsfolk who want to exact revenge on Bill because fuck it, he’s a vampire. They’re led by a man named Vince, who challenged Sam for the mayoral seat, and it looks like True Blood‘s final season is going to focus on the dangers of mob mentality and groupthink, because Vince is already prepared to shove a gun in the sheriff’s face and demand to know which side he’s on.
Sookie is reading everybody’s thoughts, and they’re all pretty much slut-shaming her, calling her a “vampire whore” and thinking that the attack could have been prevented if she could just keep her legs shut. (Now, Sookie is a grown woman and what she chooses to do with her body is her business, but she has slept with no less than three vampires. I went to high school with a guy who dated two freshman during his senior year, and to this day people make jokes about him being a pedophile. I don’t know where I was going with this.) For all True Blood‘s faults, you have to admire the show for not taking pains to make Sookie particularly likable; at any given moment she might be my least favorite person on screen (and now that Tara’s dead, she might be my least favorite person on the show). To wit, she storms out of Bellefleur’s, sick of everyone’s venomous thoughts, and then WALKS HOME IN THE DARK PAST A DEAD BODY AND THROWS HER CELL PHONE INTO THE FOREST BECAUSE SHE’S CRANKY. Angry or not, that is selfish, childish behavior – Sookie, this is literally minutes after a vampire attack, goddamnit.
Okay, quick rundown of what’s up with everyone else:
1. Willa escorts Lettie May home, and Lettie May continues to be THE WORST. Being her vampire buddy is like drawing PLO in the Army, I bet.
2. Pam is searching for Eric, and when we see her she’s in Morocco, playing vampire Russian Roulette with wooden bullets. And people are betting on it? Ugh, I don’t care. I’m so sick of Russian Roulette being used to show how far someone’s fallen.
3. Jessica guards Andy’s remaining half-faerie daughter against a vampire who wants to eat her. There’s no way that Jessica and Adelaine won’t become friends (or, since this is True Blood, lovers), but Deborah Ann Woll makes the most of subpar material and is reliably the best actor on this show.
My problem with “Jesus Gonna Be Here” was mainly the writing. The episode was directed by Stephen Moyer – Vampire Bill! – and he did a capable if unremarkable job. But the script by Angela Robinson felt stilted, and everyone’s delivery felt like they were reading a script written by a fan. And this might be a weird thing to pick up on, but the way everyone said “fuck” came off like it was shoehorned-in and unnecessary. Here’s an actual passage of dialogue:
JASON: I’m gonna fuck you. And you’re gonna fuck me back. We’re gonna fuck. So fuck! For fuck’s sake!
Haha, what? Kudos to Ryan Kwanten for delivering that with a straight face.
True Blood is never going to be the best show on the air – nor is it trying to be, to its credit. It’s the TV equivalent of beach reading, and while that doesn’t grant it a pass in terms of lackluster execution, it does give it a little wiggle room.
A Few Thoughts
– I don’t know why Sam always turns into an adorable Border Collie when he could just become an eagle or an alligator or an elephant. I guess dogs are cheaper to rent and easier to train
– Alcide’s haircut suuuuucks
– Say what you will about True Blood, but damn, that is a good credit sequence
– LOL at Arlene’s over the top accent. “You can’t kyill me, I hyeav kyeeeds!”
About Author
