Hey, remember that anal retentive robot samurai dick Drift? Showed up, had two Mini-con sweatpads? Swore a Wookie life debt to Bumblebee? Well, he’s baaaaack.
So Russell gets chewed out on the football field by one of the other kids. Hank tells him he has to stand up for himself, and convinces him to chew out the other kid for throwing way too high for him to catch. It works and he akss her how he can pay her back. She just tells him to pay it forward.
So he decides that Grimlock was the most likely to get pushed around for some reason. But Grimlock pretty much lets him in on the secret that big guys don’t exactly get pushed around all that much. Then an escape pod lands right in the middle of all of their prison containment pods. You know the drill; Metroid probably got you used to it anyway.
Turns out Jetstorm decided to crash land on Earth after a recent incident with his master, Drift, because he handed him his sword the wrong way around or something. Russell has his opportunity to pay it forward when Drift Finally shows up… which he does. Also, Springload and Quillfire get set free.
Springload still talks to inanimate objects, and Quillfire decides that having a meat shield partner might keep him out of jail. So he tricks Springload into believing that the spirits talk to him and that he knows the way to Doradas. Easily fooled, Springload goes off with him, and they eventually reach a (surprisingly not automated) military base. They watch as a big, badass experimental laser tank rolls to a halt and the soldiers get out. Mr. Anarchist convinces crazylegs that the spirits want them to boost the tank.
The Autobots, meanwhile, soon come to the realization that they have escapees, and Bee asks Drift to accompany him. He barks an order at Jetstream, but Jetstream defers to Russell having already decided to serve him. Russell decides that, while chewing out Drift for being a dick to his pupils is satisfying, Jetstorm is trained to work with Drift. They all hit the road and chase after the stolen supertank.
On the way, they realize that there’s a small military convoy ahead of them. Denny and Russell decide that impersonating an officer is a good idea, and pull up next to the head of the convoy. Their ploy works because Fixit hacked the radio, and convince them to pull back in favor of letting them handle the theft.
We finally find out why Jetstorm left; he polished Drift’s sword clockwise instead of counter-clockwise. This convinces Russell that getting on the giant alien robot’s case is a good idea. Not that he could accidentally step on Russell or anything.
They eventually catch up to the tank, which kicks off a pretty good running battle. Unfortunately for the team, the laser tank is hardcore. As in, it can make so much boom happen at once that just thinking about it would get Michael Bay to half chub. As in, it can cause a rock slide.
Drift decides to draw the tank’s fire while he orders his mini-cons to damage its treads. His demands to Quillfire and Springload to come out of the tank and fight like samurai are answered with laser blasts, one of which knocking him out. With help from Grimlock, Jetstorm and Slipstream manage to drag him away from becoming a road waffle. Unfortunately, Grimlock’s handhold on the tank breaks off, because they just don’t build them like they used to.
Drift eventually comes to, and starts being an asshole to his pupils again. Russell finally chews him out over this, convincing him that maybe he should listen to them from time to time and stop treating them like shit. They tell him their plan, and he tells Bee and team to take care of the weapons while he puts it into motion. They go about wrecking what’s likely billions of dollars of taxpayer money. Drift leaps on top of the tank, and his students leap inside.
Since Springload and Qullfire are two different types of crazy, all the Mini-cons had to do was dodge their attacks. Springload hits Quillfire, Quillfire finally botches a lie, and the two fall to infighting. Springload whiffs with a tongue strike, hitting a control panel and electrocuting himself. Jetstorm and Slipstream toss the Decepticons out of the tank. A falling piece of armor traps Jetstorm’s leg as he tries to leap down. and he just manages to pull himself free before the tank explodes, because they do that when you smash the wrong panel.
With the Decepticons caught and things patched up between Drift and Jetstorm, Bee wishes Drift a safe trip back to Cybertron. Drift has decided, however, that it’s more important to stick around here so that he and his students can learn more about this “teams work” Bee’s always going on about. Haha, unwanted permanent guests.
I honestly felt that tank battle was awesome. It’s not often that they get to connect with sword strikes anyway, even though they’re robots and Standards and Practices should allow it. And now Drift is going to learn how to get what he wants without being a dick!
Final Thoughts:
– I honestly can’t wait for Steeljaw to start playing those two. You can already see how it will happen!
– Fuck your creepy lawn gnomes, Denny. They’re nothing compared to the might of William Shatner.
– SAMURAI. CAR.
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