I have no clever analogies this time. You won’t find anything about cheersing weebs or awkward sexual encounters here. Oh no, I’m dedicating myself to nothing but facts and empirical analysis in this article. Fact one, dueling is still legal in Paraguay so long as both parties are registered blood donors.

See? Facts. Fact two, the new trailer for Netflix’s The Witcher is beautiful. I don’t tell untruths. That is a bonafide, registered fact; sure as Kim Jong-un’s got no butthole. Now, in the interest of being fully truthful, it ain’t Gal Gadot beautiful. It’s more like Susan Boyle mid-song purty. If you only look at one bit of it, it isn’t stunning, but as a whole, it’s something to get excited for.

The trailer has illuminated quite a bit for those keen to the story of Geralt, Yennefer, and Ciri. We now have somewhat of a timeline. In this short, two-minute trailer we see Geralt dinging some home runs off King Foltest’s daughter’s head, Yennefer fighting with Djinns and hunchback-ism, Ciri meeting the Dryads of Brokilon Forest, and the battles of Cintra and Sodden.

All these events take place in the first three official books. For those un-privy to the ways of Andrzej Sapkowski, the author started the books as a series of short story articles for a Polish sci-fi magazine called Fantastyka. Those brief tales evolved into The Last Wish and The Sword of Destiny, which supplied most of the world-building for the Cirilla chapters that followed.

As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, the world of The Witcher is dense. There’s a lot of leg work that needs to be done to set up the political and socio-economical climate. That’s where this first season is likely going to focus. Back story and the state of the world.

I’ll do my best not to reveal any spoilers, but be forewarned; my best doesn’t count for much. Let’s break it down scene by scene, shall we? In the beginning, we see Geralt fighting an imposing bipedal monster in a dusty corridor. A crowd of people with torches gather around as he marches away angrily.

You can see him facing the same creature multiple times throughout the trailer. This beast is, without a doubt, King Foltest’s daughter who was cursed and turned into a Striga. It’s the contract that brought fame, or infamy, to his name. To those who played the first game, she was the purple Blanka-looking thing with the droopy boobs in the opening cinematic. For those that read the books, it’s the very first story of the series.

The fact that the Striga is so prevalent throughout the trailer leads me to believe that it will be a significant plot point. Perhaps, more prominent than it was in the books. Couple this with the fact that there are only two supernatural monsters shown, and I’d say there’s reason to believe that monsters aren’t terribly prevalent in the Netflix world, which is a good thing.

In the games, every turn reveals another Nekker nest or Drowner pod, but monsters are actually quite rare in the books. It’s why so many folk accuse the witchers of being conmen and crooks who prey on the simple and superstitious. I hope that this scarcity of monsters is indicative of how impactful each encounter will be.

Shortly after the Striga, we get a taste of the Dryads, a race of elves found deep within Brokilon Forest. I mentioned Ciri being captured by them in my last article, and it stands to reason that my theory was correct. The Dryads play a major part in introducing the concept of destiny, the most prevalent theme in the series.

They also act as the catalyst that sets Ciri apart from the rest of humanity. I’m not sure how I feel about their overall design. If I’m honest, they look more like Game of Thrones’ Children of The Forest than elves, but we’ll have to wait and see.  

After Brokilon Forest, we see images of a deformed Yennefer, looking like she got popped by Tyson in his prime. In the source material, Yennefer is, in fact, a 100-year-old hunchback, but she uses powerful spells to hide her afflictions. I’ll bet that Susan Boyle reference makes more sense now, huh? I’m only kidding Susie, though your voice has cast a spell on me, you lovable goof, you!

Interestingly enough, there’s only one instance in the first three books where her real appearance is mentioned.  There’s a moment where Geralt sees through her magical illusion, but it’s more of an aside than a main plot point. Judging by the amount of hunchbackedness we see in the trailer though, I’m assuming they’re going to flesh this concept out quite a bit more.

Perhaps that’s what the character needs. Yen is a bitch. Plain and simple. She’s a bitch in the books and a bitch in the games, but for reasons I know but don’t want to spoil, Geralt still loves her. Maybe this is how they allow the audience to love her as well.

Peppered throughout the trailer are depictions of large-scale battles. I can say with confidence; these are the Battle of Sodden Hill and The Slaughter of Cintra. Both events are incredibly defining to our cast.

Without being spoilery, The Battle of Sodden Hill was one of the most revealing events regarding the state of the Lodge of Sorcerers, and The Slaughter of Cintra becomes fuel for Ciri after she meets Geralt. They act as symbols for the political state of the world and mankind’s indifference to the philosophical “other.” No jokes in this bit. When you read that shit, it is depressing.  

Then we finally hear Geralt’s voice. Now, in my last article, I said this was one of the things that could make or break Cavill’s portrayal of the character for me.

We’ve all grown to love the gravelly Doug Cockle’s voice for the role, but coming out of Cavill, that much grit and grunt could be jarring. Ultimately, I’m glad that he lowered his register slightly, but didn’t go the Christian Bale route of imitating a wood chipper.

There’s so much more in this trailer that I could write on and on about. It’s the very reason this article is coming out a whole week and a half after the trailer’s release.

We see a glimpse of Yennefer shooting a lightning bolt at, what I can only assume is, a Djinn; we see Ciri exploding in a ball of teenage angst and elven chaos, we see Calanthe dying, Yen playing dress up, Geralt ripping through a group of people in the streets, and a giant Kikimora in the swamps.

It’s so unbelievably dense in content that it would take me forever to expand on everything thoroughly, so I’ll leave it at this; I’m letting myself get more excited than I intended to.

When I heard that Netflix was going to be adapting the books into a series, my initial thought was, good luck! But having seen the trailer and listened to the interviews, I’m starting to swing around to the idea. Maybe I’ll be let down, who knows, but if the quality and intensity of the trailer is any indicator, I think we’re all in for a treat. 

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