It’s so much worse than I thought it would be.
Well, the trailer for Sonic the Hedgehog came out. And you know what? Jim Carrey’s doing his thing again, and it’s great. And aside from that… just… goddamn.
0:29- Sonic sez “Gotta go fast”. My spine begins to separate from my body. I feel the chill hand of death oncoming. Also, the entire trailer is set to Gangsta’s Paradise. You know, as opposed to something that might be, I don’t know, thematically more appropriate.
As a side note, Sonic has some kind of electrical effect. No doubt Chris-chan will take note of that.
0:50- Jim Carrey will probably be the best thing about this movie. Side note: G.U.N. truck? G.U.N. truck.
1:20- Behold as a meme (not to the movie’s benefit) is born. Christ, Sonic’s just looks worse the more you look at him.
1:30- James Marsden keeps winding up in this sort of situation. Don’t know why.
1:58- Why the fuck do rings allow Sonic to make portals? Did they just go “Hey, that’s how it was in Sonic 1&3, right?” Should be Chaos Emeralds; everyone knows they can pull that kind of bullshit.
2:03- “Has a Genesis”
I want to fucking die.
2:08- ZA WARUDO! Toki yo tomare! KURAE! Mudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamuda! MUDA!
2:23- Giving him a child’s trench coat and a fedora and saying he’s a little person would be less uncomfortable than NOT!child abduction.
2:43- SnooPINGAS usual, I see.
So yeah, everyone’s been dunking on it. With some of my favorite hot takes coming from Paige (PeachSaliva):
Did nobody learn from Sonic 2006?! IT’S WEIRD AND WRONG!
Status: Destroyed.
I’m gonna be forced to see this movie, aren’t I?
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