Oughta go great with the overpriced stand.
I, uh, pretty regularly shit on Apple. At least, in my personal life. But I don’t think I’ve done so quite as hard publicly as I did with the damned Mac Pro monitor stand. But I’m pretty sure CJ knows what’s up:
Because the good people at Apple weren’t done charging you exorbitant prices for simple shit that just happens to match the exorbitantly priced shit they’re selling you. Because if you want your Mac Pro to have wheels instead of regular feet, that’s going to run you $400. For wheels.
I could just start crapping on them in the traditional way. But my creative juices are flowing. So instead, I’m going to upsell you on why $400 (which would normally be, like, car tire money) is a goddamn bargain for these little modern marvels that’ll let you move your computer tower around a little bit.
See, Apple is well known for their absolutely brilliant design, especially when it comes to fragile glass rectangles. But these aren’t just your everyday wheels, no sir. They actually reinvented the wheel. Reinvented the goddamn things! They found a shape that, while it looks round to the eye, is actually more efficient at rolling. So now we can kiss our filthy peasant circle bullshit goodbye! Thanks Apple!
But you can’t just make such a revolution in rolling technology out of any old terrestrial shit. Apple provides only the best. That’s why they sent every smug, societal reject that ever worked in an Apple Genius Bar™ to fly to Pandora and get some unobtanium. Those “geniuses” went about cramming late-model iPhones up the ass of every motherfucking blue longcat alien they saw, and got unobtanium for the wheels.
And I know you’re just thinking of the axles right now. Well, that’s simple: Hobbit pinky-toe bones. They’re the only thing hard-wearing and yet refined enough to work in such a high-performance piece of tech. You might mourn the deaths of some of Middle-earth’s most quaint and friendly creatures, but fuck ’em. They were standing in the way of progress. With their Hobbit holes and second breakfasts and shit.
And so now you see why those wheels? Worth every penny. Even when the thing has some sort of problem and Apple charges you the cost of the entire fucking computer to replace the whole unit over what might well be a simple fix to a repairman with a functioning brain stem.
Source: Gizmodo
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