Every time a new generation of video games consoles comes around there is a lot of hype for each platforms fans. There are magazine pieces, TV features, and online articles and videos showing off just what the new consoles are capable of.
And while it is true that new consoles mean more power and better technology, that first batch of game releases tend to be average at best and glorified tech demos at worst. Making video games is hard, and making video games with little info on the machine, often little help from the console maker, and working with brand new tools makes for “interesting” game outputs.
And while today we mostly see last generation games ported over with a slightly new paintjob, back in the day that wasn’t the case and we got some really bad attempts to ape off a new console generation. With that said, let’s jump into some of the worst launch games for some classic consoles!
- . Knack (PS4)
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It’s Knack baby! This PS4 launch title, while not a bad game, is a very generic one that fits the bill as tech-demo that got fleshed out into a full game. Your character is made up of tons of blocks, circles, and triangles that you control. It’s fun to see and shows off the graphical power that the PS4 has under the hood, but as a game it simply falls flat.
A boring story, bland writing, a character that can’t jump all made for a pretty shallow and forgettable experience. Knack sort of feels like Sony trying for a new mascot for the PS4 not realizing that console mascots died generations ago. Knack has become such a joke that Sony even turned off comments on the original game trailer above.
- . Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy (Jag)
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The Atari Jaguar has a wonderfully mismanaged story behind it. Those that built it say Atari screwed them at every turn and that they were only a few tweaks away from making it a legitimate competitor during its original release window. And while the Jaguar did release it only had a launch tile of one single release in Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy.
Cybermorph was a pack-in title, so if you went into your local game shop to snag a Jaguar during launch, Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy was your only option. And with a box cover featuring two humanoid jaguars next to a five-year-olds attempt at a logo, you know the Jaguar console doesn’t have long to live.
The game itself is a side-scrolling shooter and was rushed in order to have something out at release time. This meant the small team was working with still evolving development tools and people with little to no experience making games. Still, the games graphics were praised at the time (the bland and empty background weren’t) but the gameplay was panned for being too slow, simple, and easy.
- . Universal Studios Theme Park Adventures (GC)
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The Nintendo GameCube was a fantastic little piece of kit that had loads of classic titles that still hold up today. Its launch in the UK came with everything from Japan and America, meaning you had tons of great launch titles to choose from. Sonic Adventure 2, Star Wars Rogue Squadron II, Luigi’s Mansion, Super Monkey Ball, and even Tony Hawk 3.
It’s a great launch lineup with even more AA titles being pretty solid. Now imagine that your parents say they bought you a GameCube and picked up and game along with it for being such a good kid. Then imagine that instead of any of the games I listed above, you parents picked up Universal Studios Theme Parks Adventure. Now imagine yourself crying yourself to sleep.
Universal Studios Theme Parks Adventure is a garbage game that literally has you picking up garbage at Universal Studios theme park because apparently buying a child’s ticket comes with janitorial duties attached. The game features a number of bland and boring mini games based on Universal properties. It looks bad, plays bad, and reeks of lazy cash grab.
- . Angry Birds Star Wars (PS4)
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I love the PS4! It’s one of my favorite consoles for all the fantastic games that came out for it and all the cool things it could do from streaming to VR. That said, it’s launch games featured some real stinkers and Angry Birds Star Wars is one example. This “FREE” mobile game that was released for Android and iOS got the console treatment for reasons that escape us.
Maybe on the Wii I could see the idea thanks to motion controls, but a full $50 console release for a mobile game that people paid, at most, 99 cents for is pretty disgusting. Imagine getting a PS4 on launch and your parents pass up on Call of Duty, FIFA and Madden, Battlefield 4, inFamous, and more in favor of fucking Angry Birds with Star Wars birds.
Buy it for the Apple device in your pocket for 99 cents, or spend $50 to play it on a big screen? I could understand if this were a download only game for a tenner, but it’s not. The only reason this came out is to trick parents into picking it up because they heard of the game from a friend in the office. It actually makes me sick whenever I see this at GameStop on the used rack.
- . Orphen: Scion of Sorcery (PS2)
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Man, Sony really doesn’t come out look great on this list. I promise it wasn’t intentional and the next list will focus more on other console makers. Still, Orphen was so bad it simply couldn’t not make the list. The real problem is that this is Sony’s new console, a console follow-up to the PS1 that featured dozens of legendary RPG titles, including the masterpiece that was Final Fantasy 7.
So, when the PS2 releases and you see that it features an RPG at release, chances are you are going to scoop it up, even when Tekken Tag and SSX are sitting right next to it on the store shelf. What you get was an action RPG where the characters yell every single attack that they do, a bland and boring story, dull conversations that feel like they last an eternity, and an overall game that’s clunky and not at all challenging.
In the end you have a forgettable RPG that lacks much of any replay value and has pretty much been forgotten to time. Meanwhile, those two other launch games that I mentioned are still talked about today for being some of the best of their respective genres, and ones that people still pop into their PlayStation 2 consoles to this day.
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