This whole Convergence thing that DC is trying to play off as a real event has already worn out its welcome, and we are only in its second week. So this week I hadn’t planned on dropping “dem bones” on any DC stuff, but then I came across the Vertigo books section and what I found was something really fun and powerful. Strange Sports Stories #2 is an anthology book that collects a number of separate stories that have a tenuous connection to the world of sports. I must admit that I love these kind of books because you know that you are going to get a number of complete short stories and the limitation of page space tends to bring out some really creative writing.
Up first is “Skate or Die!” and it has nothing to do with the crappy NES game of the same name from a lifetime ago. It’s always important to start off strong with books like these and Skate or Die! brings it hard to the pavement (do skate kids still use references like that? Do they still call them skate kids?). The art style is out there, with heavily exaggerated characters with weird anime like looks. The best way I can explain it is that Skate or Die! looks like the weirder segments of the anime FLCL. It’s strange, surreal, and has a whole lot of charm.
Panels are aplenty with upwards of eighteen panels taking up a single page. It feels like something pulled right out of a Frank Miller book from the 80’s, back before everything he wrote was terrible and just Sin City in another form. We follow a skate kid as he perfects a new trick on his own, all the while denouncing the status quo of the mainstream skaters. It’s a blast to see him develop said trick and take the hard knocks that are a part of being a skater. Once he perfects this never before seen trick he takes it to the local skate park to show off to those he thinks are fakes, phonies, and beneath him.
But this is where things for our skate kid fall apart. Up until now we have been rooting for him, agreeing with his “fight the posers,” mentality. Unfortunately, after he shows off his trick and becomes the darling of the skate park, one of those “posers” comes by and nails the same trick after seeing him do it. From here on out the character that we loved turns into a giant douche that believes everything around him is his and has been stolen. Things go beautifully off the rails and our story ends with a Black Hole. Yes, it gets that out there and I love it!
Up second we get “The Patchwork Palooka” that takes us back in time a bit to a Merchant Marine (my dad would love this story already) that is the services boxing champion. Our fighter friend ends up in Taipei looking for some action, but is turned away due to a lack of fighters available. The delirum tremens begins setting in (I don’t know what that is but it sounds nasty and probably requires some sort of expensive salve), but before that can happen an opportunity arises. Our champ and some compatriots head to Shan Wang’s Orchid House, the most dangerous place around and full of all manner of scum and villainy.
This Wang is rumored to be full of dark magic (insert crude joke here) and has his own champion ready to take on our sailor friend. We find that there isn’t any magic involved here, but instead Wang has pulled a sort of Island of Doctor Moreau situation and created a champion out of the best parts of the best fighters around the docks. It’s the kind of thing that’s pulled right from a terrible 1950s science fiction movie -I freaking love it! Sailor boy gets beaten to a pulp before figuring out the monsters weakness. Since he is a patchwork of people and ape, his Frankenstein like patchwork is the monsters weak spot. Think of it like King Hippo in Punch Out. It all ends with Wang’s creations turning on him. It’s all so devilishly delightful and we are already two for two in the solid story department.
The artwork still leans to the more cartoonish side of the spectrum, but the level of detail and emotion that the artist brings out in the story is pretty darn impressive. Why on earth has DC stuck all these talents on a book like this that sadly won’t see many reviews, let alone sales (buy several copies ASAP), is beyond me. “The Patchwork Palooka” is a complete story in only a few pages and is a lot more fun and even a bit deeper than anything going on in Convergence. While the style draws heavily from books like The Goon, it manages to work in its own right and would make for an interesting limited series in its own right.
Next up is “Not Allowed To Play Ball” and this one is a wild one, both story wise and artistically. The whole thing revolves around Cosmic Ball tryouts and two fresh recruits from a small town getting their chance to play in the big leagues. The game is a mixture of all sorts of wild movie sports including, roller ball, the running man, and so on. These two guys are the best of the best and quickly make the cut for a sport on the team, but something is very different about one of these boys. The story hints at one of them being “different” and keeping it a secret from the team and recruiters, but word eventually gets out. After the team share some bonding time in the shower the general manager of the Comets overhears one of the new recruits outing himself.
A team meeting is called and the vets defend our new recruit saying he’s the best player around and that being different shouldn’t matter. The story gets into some deep philosophical back and forth before the general manager decides on kicking him off the team. While he isn’t happy doing it he states that it is necessary because the fans and families that come to games don’t want to see that kind of lifestyle on display. Not only that, but sponsors would pull out and leave the team out on a limb. The whole book is done in hues of pinks with lots of neon colors that lead us to believe one thing. But this is where “Not Allowed To Play Ball” goes well above and beyond a simple story because on the last page we find out the hidden secret. He wasn’t gay at all like we were led to believe (That is where the books makes you look inward to great effect on why we thought he would be in the first place), but instead was the only straight person on the team.
Last up in this anthology is the story “Le Boules Du Mal” that looks ripped straight out of an episode of China, IL. The artwork is wild and the colors have this soft feel that is very unique. It feels like you are reading a watercolor painting and it’s the kind of look that you’ll remember for some time. The whole story revolves around retelling the story of the greatest game of Petanque ever played. I have no idea what that is as I think it French, but it looks to be some form of Boece Ball.
It’s a standard “Devil goes down to Georgia” game against the devil, but the art style is where it really stands out from all the rest. It’s not very long as it’s sort of stuffed in at the tail end of the book, but as a comic story it is as close to a true work of art that you can get. I’d get happy to have any of these pages hanging on my wall or seeing them displayed in an art gallery. Long story short the story ends before we get a resolution, but the mysterious stranger telling the story opens up a case f balls and offers up a wager.
I’m not going to mince words here, so I’ll just flat-out say that Strange Sports Stories #2 is a fantastic book with one of the most poignant stories that I have ever had the pleasure of reading in comic book form. Pick up a copy right now and do your friends and family a favor by picking up some for them as well. Seriously, why isn’t DC pushing this book and instead focusing on that terrible Convergence event. This book is simply comic gold.
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