For every thing that Scream does right (and it does do some things right; the show isn’t completely boneheaded), it does way too many things wrong. This can be chalked up to idiocy. Or laziness. Or obviousness. I guess there are a few issues with this show, most of them stemming from the fact that at any given time, it seems as though the writers and directors don’t care all that much.
First of all, let’s talk about the way that “Vacancy” treats Audrey, who at any given time is Scream‘s best character (she faces occasional competition from Noah, Brooke, and absolutely no one else). Audrey is smart enough to embark upon an increasingly elaborate, season-long killing spree, and smart enough to kill her accomplice, so why the hell is she hanging on to the message that the killer – now calling Audrey “partner,” in a nice touch – left pinned to Jake’s body? Oh, I get it: obviousness. Remember, from before? Noah is going to find that message in three episodes, if not sooner. There’s no other reason for her to keep it apart from narrative contrivance.
And what the hell was she thinking going into that storage unit to begin with? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good thing (for her) that she retrieved the message, but she was also wearing fingerless gloves and didn’t bother to check to see if there were, I don’t know, two goddamn cameras. Luckily, when Noah arrives at the unit, it’s unsurprisingly empty, which is as good a reason as any to quote The Simpsons:
Scream has a serious man problem, in that every male on this show is howlingly stupid. In a way, it’s a nice inversion of the stale horror movie trope wherein women are presented as flighty morons who have an expiration date as soon as they’re introduced. But holy shit the men in Scream are stupid.
Like Eddie, aka “Eddie Kruger,” the hapless desk attendant at the motel. Here’s a guy who listens to a true-crime podcast, calls himself “Eddie Kruger,” and doesn’t think to run away when he sees a room draped in plastic. Have you never seen Dexter? Enjoy the corkscrew in your neck, dumbass.
And that’s not even mentioning Emma’s dad, who has no purpose here. He admits to past abuse, in a clumsy nod to The Shining, but none of the moments with him and his daughter land. Probably because his purpose as a character is already incredibly transparent: he’s a red herring. It’s already being discussed, with Audrey pointing out that, hey, it’s a little suspicious that your dad returned and people started dying, huh? So in a few episodes, Acosta will arrest him, and then he’ll be exonerated when someone else dies.
That’s the one thing Scream does surprisingly well: cast suspicion on everyone. It’s not through any innovative storytelling techniques, mind you, but rather because everyone on the show is way too obvious as the killer. Emma’s teacher, the one who recorded their conversation? Way too obvious. Eli, Keiran’s cousin, is too creepy to be guilty. Ditto for Gus, who is now being build up as Brooke’s new love interest, but who also takes the time to warn Noah that continuing his investigation might get him hurt.
So, Scream‘s version of a whodunit is basically everyone acting like a killer, in order to draw suspicion away from the real killer. It’s nothing novel, but it’s mildly entertaining, which sometimes is good enough. I just wish the show would try more. And harder.
A Few Thoughts
- Killer Prediction, Week 3: Zoe. See my last paragraph above.
- For some reason I find it funny that Tom Everett Scott was in Dead Man On Campus, and is now in Scream. Not sure why. Also, go watch Dead Man On Campus.
- What the hell kind of car does Audrey drive? It looks like a beat-up old Volvo, yet she can still talk through the speakers?
- There was legitimately a six-minute commercial break. What the fuck.
- I really do like that all the episodes this season are titled after horror movies.
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