You know what Scream Queens is pretty good at? Comedy. You know what it’s so-so at? Horror. Maybe that’s why “Seven Minutes in Hell” was so much more successful than the Chanel-o-ween two-parter. The slumber party structure was a smart way to combine the show’s worst elements (the Chanels) with its best (pretty much everything else). Who knew that a bottle episode would be the secret to Scream Queens gaining some of its mojo back?
So Zayday and Chanel tie for the presidency, which of course turned out to be part of Chanel’s plan to keep herself alive. It was kind of a let down to find out that Chanel voted against herself, because instead of maybe letting her gain a shred of humility, SQ goes all YAASSS QUEEN instead and makes Chanel the smartest one in the room. Again. This is a problem, as I’ve said before and will say again, because of our two main characters, the show is enamored of one (Chanel) and indifferent towards the other (Grace). There’s no objective storytelling on display here.
I know I get off track when talking about the Chanels, but that’s because they’re, well, kind of pathetic, and the show devolves into histrionics every time they’re on screen (tellingly, Chanels No. 3 and 5 have their best scenes when apart from No. 1). We finally get some backstory on Chanel No. 3 in “Seven Minutes” – apparently she lacks the part of her brain that lets her feel things, and she wears earmuffs at all times because she’s afraid a crazy ex will make good on this threat to cut them off her head. This is lazy characterization, flat out. Saying No. 3 doesn’t feel anything is a half-assed way to justify Billie Lourd’s one-note performance, which has grown more annoying as the show has gone on. Knowing that Lourd’s mother is Carrie Fisher, and that Scream Queens is her first real acting role, does little to make one think better of her. If anything it smacks of nepotism, and No. 3’s backstory comes off like dismissive hand-waving. “Billie’s going to do a lackluster Daria impression for the duration of the season, and if you don’t like it, too bad, cause it’s canon.”
So it sounds like I’m being pretty hard on this episode, but overall it was more successful than it wasn’t, and there’s exactly one reason for that: Chad Radwell. In the past, Chad has been an inconsistent character, but so have a lot of people on this show, so I’ll give Scream Queens a break for growing pain. Glen Powell has managed to find the sweet spot that still eludes Emma Roberts: Chad is, on the surface, despicable, as he openly returns to Chanel because it’s better for the Dicky Dollar Scholars if he dates popular girls. But Powell’s delivery is somehow both self-aware and oblivious, and his commitment to the part is admirable, as you can see when he repeatedly explains the rules of Truth or Dare, each time with increasing vehemence. Plus, he actually cares about his friends, with the possible exception of the recently departed Roger (to Dodger: “We all agree he was holding you back. No one misses him”), which is a nice way of humanizing him. Powell is far and away the MVP of “Seven Minutes in Hell.”
The reason Powell’s performance is so essential to the success of this episode is that not a lot actually happens. Sure, people die, but no one who the show will really miss. So RIP, I guess, to Dodger, Caulfield, and Sam (in regards to Sam: I won’t miss Jeanna Han’s wooden performance, but I will miss the scenes she had with Chanel No. 3). Fox touted this as the “bloodiest Scream Queens yet,” but all it’s really done is show how deceptively low the stakes are. For someone hell-bent on killing Kappas, the Red Devil has only taken out one actual sister (Chanel No. 2); the rest have been pledges or characters we only knew for an episode or two. There’s no serious sense of peril, but I’m willing to forgive that if the show remains at least as entertaining as this.
A Few Thoughts
- Slumber parties, according to Zayday: “Some experimental lesbianism and secrets are revealed”
- “There are exactly zero wangers here”
- Hester was being incredibly obvious. Lea Michele as Neckbrace was good, as Hester way too campy
- Chad throwing the bat and Chanel’s phone at the Red Devil was a great touch, as was him slowly unzipping in the background while the group stood around Sam’s body
- “Red Devil, coming in hot!”
- Everything about Chad’s “Douche” playlist was a wonderful gag, from the title, to the fact that the first track was “Tubthumping”
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