Hoo boy, this was a tough one to get through, guys. The major problem of Scream Queens is becoming more apparent every week: Chanel Oberlin. Emma Roberts does fine work with the character, but – actually, you know what, to hell with that. Roberts is a decent actress, but to say she’s doing “fine work” with Chanel is to imply that there’s work to be done with Chanel at all. Chanel is an over-the-top grotesquerie, whose sole purpose on the show is to spout hateful invective and keep her voice at screeching level the entire time. (Pity poor Roberts’ vocal cords.) The schtick is wearing thin, and the most disappointing part is that Scream Queens has made damn sure to eliminate Chanel as a suspect, so we already know that we’re robbed of her reveal and downfall. If anything, she’ll end up saving the day, sidelining Grace once again. The show is in love with Chanel as the idea of some kind of campy Bette Davis bitch, but it’s just not working. Five episodes in, that’s a major problem, and it’s compounded because everything in “Pumpkin Patch” that didn’t involve Chanel was actually not bad.
The search continues for Zayday, and Grace continues to be stymied by Dean Munsch’s intransigence. All Munsch does is shut down the campus – or at least she says she’s going to, but then seems to soften it with “Halloween is canceled”? Not sure exactly what’s going on here, but at the very least Jamie Lee Curtis kills her delivery of “Sorry not sorry.” She’s the diva this show needs, not Roberts. This ruins Chanel’s plan for her pumpkin patch fundraiser concert. (Side note: she insists on a an exact replica of the hedge maze from The Shining. Nothing about Chanel makes me think she’s seen The Shining; she seems like someone for whom horror begins and ends with The Grudge or something equally PG-13 and forgettable. Although this being Scream Queens, her favorite horror film is probably Audition or something along those lines. This side note got away from me.)
Anyway, the investigation into Zayday’s kidnapping works for the most part because it isolates the cast members who are still interesting to watch, i.e. Grace, Wes, Gigi, Pete, and Denise Hemphill (if Niecy Nash has taught us anything, it’s that you always refer to Denise by her full name). The Chanels were a good idea that, five hours in, has run its course. Their behavior is all over the place, and – goddamnit, every time I try to write about “Pumpkin Patch” I end up bitching about the Chanels. They’ve gone from eating cotton balls, which was absurd enough, to having “pretend lunch,” which isn’t nearly as funny or satirical as writer/director Brad Falchuk thinks it is. Moreover, their characters are all over the place. Chanel insists that Chanel No. 5 dress up as Mary Todd Lincoln for Halloween, because No. 5 is crazy. Um, what? When have we seen evidence of this? We’ve seen her be mercurial and impulsive, but she’s a goddamn 19-year-old girl, so that’s kind of understandable. If anything, Chanel No. 6 (nee Hester) is the crazy one. And what’s up with No. 3? She bails Chanel out of prison, after helping to put her in there in the first place. Why would No. 3 be giving her the fuck-you stare (refer to the banner picture) if she was on her side the whole time? Also, the earmuffs thing is getting old. Holy shit, I have so many complaints about the Chanels. Deep breaths, Trevor.
The above paragraph notwithstanding, “Pumpkin Patch” wasn’t a complete disaster. The investigation, as I said, moved the episode along nicely, even though this was a slower installment, at least by Scream Queens standards. It was a nice touch that Zayday engineered her own escape, and the Red Devil’s lair was suitably creepy, never minding the ham-fisted Silence of the Lambs reference the show insisted on making (although I will say that the shot backwards up the shaft, showing just how far down Zayday really was, was pretty effective – that, and the appearance of a little dog we never see again).
And I guess that’s what makes Scream Queens so alternately frustrating and compelling. There are some genuinely good ideas at play here, and the revelation that Gigi is in cahoots (#cahoots) with the Red Devil was a nice one, if a little telegraphed by her letting him escape. What this show needs is less Chanel, and more…well, everything that isn’t Chanel. Sorry not sorry.
A Few Thoughts
- “Every pumpkin in the patch is artisanal”
- “So Gone Girl“
- Hey, Scream Queens finally got a credit sequence! And it…kinda sucks. Which is doubly disappointing because American Horror Story regularly has one of the best credit sequences on the air
- Chad Radwell having slept with every woman on campus (add Denise Hemphill to his list of conquests) is actually a good running joke
- “We were high-fiving!”
- “It’s the Red Devil, let’s bash his car!”
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