Genre: Stealth, Indie
Developer:HYPH-N
Publisher:Danvik FHS
Platform: PC
Release Date: May 6, 2019
Price: $6.99
Sometimes I have no idea how these games come across my desk. It’s like the people around here are on the lookout for weird games for me to play like it’s some sick experiment regarding my mental health. Well, I’m totally fine and in control; isn’t that right magic talking turtle that lives on my desk.
Saint Hazel’s Horsepital is weird. You play as Hazel, a horse, who sneaks into a human hospital to save your horse friend who also snuck into the hospital because they figured people doctors were better than vets. Look, this isn’t some BAFTA nominated writing, but you pretty much know what you are getting with something like this.
You don’t buy a game about a horse sneaking into a hospital because you are looking for the next Meta Gear Solid title. You buy a game like this because it looks funny and you have a few extra bucks in your Steam wallet from all those cards you sold off. Thankfully, Saint Hazel’s Horsepital is actually a fairly competent stealth based video game. Weird, I know, but sometimes a game with a silly premise can work; or at least that’s what the turtle on my desk tells me.
Gameplay is super simple. You just walk (trot?) around each hospital floor and avoid the doctors while completing basic tasks for NPCs on each floor. Maybe you bring them their teeth, give them some coffee, flip some switches, or save them from from being pulled into a hell dungeon. Yeah, things can get pretty weird.
Because you’re a horse, walking around will make noise, but you can go into sneak mode to reduce you noise output. You can pickup up items with your tongue to unlock doors, move objects around, and place traps for the doctors. But it’s not all stealth as you can attack doctors by knocking them out from behind.
The stealth system is simple enough to understand quickly. Each enemy and camera has a cone of vision that you need to stay out of. If you do get caught it’s not an automatic game over as you can choose to run, possibly leading them into a trap, or fight them off and lose some life. You can then recharge your life-bar by picking up pills because, you know, you’re in a hospital and horses loves pills.
There isn’t much more to the game than that, and that’s okay. What Saint Hazel’s Horsepital really does well is know it’s own limitations. The game knows something this basic is there just for a few laughs and you can finish the game in around 3 hours. Just when things start to wear a little thin the game comes to an end and never overstays its welcome like other indie games.
The graphics here are silly and colorful and you’d be surprised with the variety in levels you’ll get to play through. This isn’t your normal hospital and stages quickly take a turn for the bizarre heading to a dungeon and factory. The story gets equally bonkers to match new stages, but in the best possible way. Saint Hazel’s Horsepital isn’t going to win any awards, but the laughs and fun it provides while it lasts is worth the price.
That said, it isn’t perfect. The camera loves to reset itself at random, and while it never led to a death, it does get really annoying. I figured my controller was broken until I realized the game was just glitching. There are other times when you will, or enemies, phase through walls or you’ll pick up items and they will float in the air not letting you use them.
Saint Hazel’s Horsepital is a silly game and sometimes the glitches you encounter will have you questioning whether they are features or actual bugs. But even with a few bugs the overall experience works and if the team can fix them it’ll be an even better experience. It’s a dumb game is the best of ways and I can recommend it for those looking for something a little different.
“A few annoying bugs hold it back, but Saint Hazel’s Horsepital is still a lot of silly fun”
Final Score:
2.5/5
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