And we thought only the hot ginger Pit Crew member was an engineer. But this week RuPauliday saw a masterfully engineered story arc with what has easily become my favorite challenge ever on this show. Not only is the determination of which eliminated queen comes back get stretched out for them to earn it, in a way RuPaul has never done before on this show. But even our obsessive over analysis of every moment could never have predicted conjoined drag queens! It’s so beyond what we ever expected that this is one for the ages, and so good we can’t blow the wad prematurely, so let’s drag this out shall we Margaux?
Margaux: Ginger barely got to enjoy her shared win with Kennedy before her face turned the most sour I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure if this is the best place to start, but the look on Ginger’s face as RuPaul brought out EVERY eliminated queen was on par with Pete’s devastated face in Mad Men’s botched Peter Pan cookie meeting.
Samir: Yes!! And they were TOTALLY toying with us because Trixie came in first-and you got the sense that even as this was happening months ago, the producers knew EVERYONE was going to assume she was coming back. And after we saw the Snatch Game portion of her audition video as “Anne Frank” that Trixie unveiled online recently, who could honestly doubt us? We didn’t even get a single snatch of conversation about Kennedy’s tying with Ginger for the win the previous day. We just got right to the parade of all the forgotten queens entering the workroom to the horror and consternation of everyone who has survived.
Margaux: Oh right, but speaking of Kennedy, she won the Orange is the New Drag mini-challenge, le siiiiigh. Look Kennedy, you ain’t never gonna top Ashy Larry, YOU JUST AIN’T. And I’m super annoyed that that’s all it apparently took to deem her the winner and puppet master determining the pairs for the Conjoined Queens challenge. To accurately quote Katya, from the JUMP, pairing Tempest and Jaydin together looked EXACTLY like Larry Bird perma-butt fucking Raven Simone. That team was cursed from the moment they were haphazardly thrown together, it hurt to watch.
Samir: Yeah, I was getting quite a bit of schizophrenia with the representation of Kennedy in this episode-Schizophr-ennedy we’ll call it. She thought she was being clever with the way she paired everyone else up. She even screwed her friend Ginger by pairing her with Sasha Belle, but then actually seemed concerned for her when Ginger was visibly deflated by the daunting task of carrying Sasha through this challenge. But that led to the epic LSFYL. The twist was that the winning team, of remaining and eliminated queens, would effectively bring that queen back into the competition. Would anyone ever forgive Ginger for bringing back Sasha to send someone else home? Then, the rest of Kennedy’s pairings actually went really well! And it was touching that she still felt that sisterhood with Jasmine Masters, I was touched by her devotion to that friendship, but then they were the least creative of everyone in the end, AND weren’t on the bottom!
Margaux: Kennedy and Jasmine’s final runway outfit was so predictable, and of course Kennedy wouldn’t pick someone who could potentially outshine her and, alternately, wouldn’t contradict her or ask any hard questions. Which is why they ended up with what looked like the budget, boring version of Trixie and Pearl’s ingenious getup.
AND I can’t tell you how satisfying it was that Pearl, who took Trixie out initially, was the one who brought her back. I’m sure a little TV magic had to go into making it look as smooth as it did, but it warmed my heart, and made me laugh so much – BEST REALITY TV SHOW TWIST EVER.
Samir: It was not lost on Pearl, who even said how perfect it was that she was the one to send her home and to bring her back. I don’t think Kennedy was expecting that, but what did she think she was going to accomplish by pairing them? Their runway performance, as the conjoined beauty queen and unfortunate-looking sisters, was so gut-busting I can literally watch it again and again, and again and again and again. “Hello distinguished panel of judges!” In fact the arc that brought this together was so flawlessly completed. it’s hard to believe it wasn’t planned, but that would have been some SERIOUS maneuvering of the elements to do that. I actually just pictured that moment when Professor Quirrell’s hands burn as he touches Harry Potter at the end of The Sorcerer’s Stone movie and screams “What magic is this?!” because it was all so mind-blowing to me.
Margaux: Surprisingly, and I’m not sure if Kennedy is awake enough for this to be a conscience thing on her part, but she ended up pairing several queens together who might’ve played a role in them being on the eliminated side of things. I’m talking about Katya and Kasha, who really do make a funny pair – wonder what old timey movie Kasha was inspired by to come up with, ‘conjoined at the vagina’.
Samir: A Tale of Two Twats?
Margaux: HA! As Bob Ross says, the key to courage is a swollen vagina.
Regardless, their Atlantic City hooker outfit was pretty amazing, and even though Kasha didn’t end up coming back, I think she redeemed the shaky note she went out on. For…whatever that’s worth.
Samir: Redemption was a common theme here-I got something more out of Kennedy, Kasha did well with Katya, Sasha earned redemption with the LSFYL performance, Max learned something from Violet about creating a loving a look without a gray wig, Violet’s warmed personality is noticeable to the queens who’d left. And we learned even more about Tempest DuJour, that she (like me) has a devout Mormon mother, only her’s forced her into gay conversion therapy. The conversations between the queens was moving again this week, and I’m so glad that despite all the criticism for RPDR being too savvy this season to be heartfelt, we got this moment again to remind the world of the lives that drag queens and gay men experience through discrimination.
Margaux: No T, No Shade, but I always find the moments of the queens bonding over the shared (sometimes not so pleasant) experience of being gay men – drag or not – never to come across as contrived or cloying, though I’m sure the editing and placement of the clips can sometimes come across that way. Nonetheless, it never stops being shocking what religion thinks is okay for parents to do to their child. Hopefully Tempest got to opt-out of his Mormon mission.
Samir: Wouldn’t you have loved to have seen Tempest in drag as your missionary with a Book of Mormon for you? Hello, my name is Elder Tempest DuJour.
Margaux: HAHAHA Elder Tempest just has a ring to it! I think that would of gotten me to finally open my door with a true smile on my face.
Samir: It was tragic that Tempest would be right back up on the chopping block as soon as she came back. But as you mentioned earlier, they were doomed from the start. And the unfortunate choice of how they were conjoined made their LSFYL more difficult. Of all the queens, I think Ginger/Sasha and Katya/Kasha had the most original ideas (conjoined at the nipples and conjoined at the va-jay-jay). But the shock of Ginger being on the bottom gave us the opportunity to see both that her team’s idea was better suited for the lip synch AND what kind of performer Ginger is.
Margaux: For what it was worth, Ginger/Sasha’s conjoined-ness and the lip synch song choice really worked in their favor (Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now”), though I can’t say ANY song would of worked in the favor of Tempest/Jaydin, but I still hoped they would pull SOMETHING out, some sort of Hail Mary to even attempt to compete on Ginger/Sasha’s level, yet the Larry Bird/Raven Simon-ness of it all just killed any energy they tried to bring. The height mis-match and butt-fuck position was good in theory, just not in execution.
Samir: They were still entertaining, but Ginger and Sasha gave us the best lip synch all season, and I can’t imagine any other episode this season is going to top this. That’s something else I could watch endlessly until my eyes bleed from lack of sleep. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the sheer craziness of the maxi-challenge this week. Do the words conjoined twin drag queens make any sense when you say them out loud, or write them down? I bow to you RuPaul. We got insanity, tragedy (the elimination of Jaydin) and elation (the return of Trixie) all wrapped up into one perfect package that rivals the Pit Crew’s modeling of Justin Case underwear. In essence, LIFE!!!
Margaux: I feel a little silly for asking, but, what’s your blinding star count for this week’s “Conjoined Queens” episode hunty?
Samir: Isn’t it obvious? 5 stars and a conjoined vagina.
Margaux: With a side of Trixie’s “Anne Frank” impression. Gawd, I’m living for that Anne Frank selfie she takes in her audition tape. WELCOME BACK MISS MATTEL!!!!
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