Due to popular demand, and sheer necessity, Meg Hayes joins me to unpack this twisty, turny, and straight goopy All Stars finale.

Margaux: Meg! Thank you for helping me break down this finale because it is A LOT. Sure, you can expect the Super Girl Group challenge, which is frankly my favorite part of the All Stars season, and you can expect some kind of twist, but DOUBLE WINNERS? Did Ru want to fully snatch everyone’s collective wig, or do you think she truly couldn’t pick between the two?

Meg: Oh boyyyyyy, that was such a let down. You and I discussed this earlier, but it seems that this Finale was an overcorrect from the gag worthy All-Stars Season 3 upset. For those who were living under a rock or too depressed by Trump’s America to watch, Shangela had the crown snatched from her by the shady queens who had been eliminated earlier in the season. The queens picked Kennedy Davenport and Trixie Mattel to lipsync for the crown, leaving all of us to say…really bitch?! I love Trinity and Monet, and they both worked their ass off this season. But Ru, just pick a damn winner. You’ve had to choose between Latrilla and Rujubee, you can handle this.

Margaux: This is something Dame Brian Moylan at Vulture touched on ahead of the finale airing, how the over saturation of Drag Race, but specifically, cranking out these All Stars season annually, dilutes not only the brand – majority of the queens were from seasons nine and ten, you literally just saw them – but can only produce an unsatisfying ending. Too many come into All Stars with a preconceived notion; whether it’s the “thing” they’re trying to prove/correct from their season, or having a big, defensive following, it forces the show to basically put the tender feelings of the audience first, instead of creating a fun and compelling show. Ru’s “double winner” stunt was a way to placate fans and stave off internet death threats. I mean, the amount of hate Naomi got from eliminating Manila alone was staggering and disturbing, especially from a community that is, mostly, inclusive. All Naomi did was give us good TV, regardless of anyone’s personal feelings, which is how this game should be played, but if you’re always worried about how it’s gonna look, that isn’t going to produce anything but lackluster shit like this goddamn ending! I honestly can’t tell if I’m more annoyed at Trixie (who, I like a lot! Just didn’t think she should’ve won!) for last season, or at VH1 for milking All Stars for all it’s worth.

Meg: Omg reading that article right now and I’m just yelling AGREED every few minutes. Everyone read it. Margaux and I could create 6 part podcast on our feelings about the  All Stars format. In short I’ll just say no more queens sending each other home. I don’t care about the segment of each episode where they beg to be kept in the competition. And I cannot stress this enough, BRING BACK DRAG U. If Ru wants to sit and watch the chosen ones (Latrice, Raven, Raja, Juju, Manila) work their shit out… let them! Hire them! That shit was fun! Watching Ru’s face when Manila and Latrice went home was like she was being stabbed in the back. It was as if she orchestrated this premature All Star season just to give one of them the crown.

Margaux: SO VERY THAT!! Ru looked visibility disappointed when Latrice (both times) and Manila went home. If you want to orchestrate giving them a crown, then do that! Drag Race fans go absolutely bonkers for those two bitches! This is also not the first time people have invoked the name of Drag U as the better bridge between Drag Race seasons, and I can’t help but agree more and more. Especially with VH1’s budget. Like, you guys just have $200,000 laying around? If so, I think there are some show ideas we could pitch them…

Meg: YES! We’re continuing our campaign to be hired as writers for this show. Also agreed with Ms. Moylan on the fact that these queens JUST finished their season.There were way too many in this season for me to even care about. Us old bitties that have been watching for awhile, we care about the Delta’s and Nina Flowers’ of the world. Ru should just create another successful show around them. I would watch all the damn time. Queer Eye is wildly successful. People love to watch gay men dress people up. And guess what? The gay men have the agency this time. Ru has built this empire from the ground up. So monetize that shit! UGH girl I could go on and on.

Margaux: Well, before I get too off topic, there is a Queer Eye-like show coming to…I believe TLC with Thorgy, JuJu, Bebe, and Alexis Michelle. So there’s that! The Drag Race impact is undeniable, and I know a lot of the queens who come back to All Stars think it’d be nice to win, but have their eyes set on better bookings, increased budgets for shows, and growing their following, so not winning All Stars isn’t tragic in the slightest. I must reiterate how talented all of the contestants are who return to Drag Race. Full disclosure, ahead of the finale I was Team Everybody Black (trademark Issa Rae) mostly because every time they flashed on the Hall of Fame graphic, you’re like “wow, just a bunch of white, blond bitches”.

Meg: YES!

Margaux: Alaska and Chad are like different sides of the same plastic surgery coin, and I try to picture Shangie’s face over Trixie’s, so it was due time. But to circle back to our initial point, this double win felt like an overcorrect for last season on Ru’s part. If All Stars 3 hadn’t gone down the way it had, Trinity would’ve won, full stop. Even though I do believe Monet beat her overall in the challenge and lip sync (their runway looks were both iconic for them), Ru wanted to give it to Trinity, she’s been clearly smitten since she complimented Trinity on the runway (something as rare and elusive as Michelle giving you compliment) during the “Roast” episode. It was solidified for me when Ru interviewed her for “What’s the Tee”, Ru thinks very highly of Trinity and must see herself in her, plus Trinity is not one for excuses which is RuPaul’s biggest turn on.

Meg: I think Trinity is a true professional. She’s crisp and clean and a highly talented person. I can see that. I agree with you though that Monet won the final challenge. And dear god I was like “please do not let us get to three black queens in the top and none of them gets the crown”. I suppose Trinity won the most challenges, but only by one. Monet would’ve tied her with this win. Also as I told you before, when Monet did a cartwheel and had to pull down her jorts so she wouldn’t chaff I was like, “my queen has arrived!” I felt very seen. So I wanted Monet to win mostly because we have the same body shape. We all have our criteria!

Margaux: I like Trinity a lot, I think she is a capital S Star, but Monet came back to All Stars and was the queen I’d heard about in her initial season. Monet (and Trinity too) has an effortless charm that wins you to her side, it’s why she won Miss Congeniality! You just like her, it’s as simple as that.

Meg: I also think Trinity has the same issue that De La (Ben De La Creme) had in her season. She’s so crisp and perfect that you sometimes miss the vulnerability. Monet wears her heart and personality on her sleeve, which I love.

Margaux: Monet doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve like Monique does, which is really who I wanted to win! But that’s honestly just my standom.

Meg: You’ve loved her from the beginning. I thought of you when she made it all the way. And when she fainted in that neon orange wig.

Margaux: Haha thank you! I’m happy she made it the top four, and she should be proud. All Stars was real tough this season, and I think Monique had a great turn. but have to agree with the judges, when up against Monet and Trinity, she’s not at their level. At least, not on the runway. That bitch is funny as hell, and when the lights turn on, she is ON and can turnt the party. But Trinity and Monet in the top was a good showdown.

Meg: Agreed. Reminds me of Sasha and Shea. I think Monique should win most improved. I mean let’s recall some of her lewks from her season. I believe stapled hems were involved. NO SHADE, I used to do that in high school when my skirt started to unravel.

Margaux: As someone who made her own clothes in high school because I thought I was more punk rock that way, I get the stapled hem. THOSE WHO HAVEN’T BEEN THERE CAN CAST THE FIRST STONE! But Monique had some stand out lewks this season, her Puss in Boots realness last week was drop dead perfect. But Monique had some trip up on All Stars too, which is honest about. I think Carson put it best, she’s an important part of the Drag Race story, and she’s grown a lot, and will keep doing so. The 300 pound, seminary school Monique who wanted SIX KIDS was a REVEAL. That was my personal twist of the season.

Meg: Yes! Can someone write a Boy Erased style story about Monique doing gay conversion by day and drag by night? I would watch. Also….THE GOOP OF IT ALL. Give this woman a talk show. If Gwyneth was secretly paying Monique to shout out the Goop brand, I would have more respect for Gwyneth. I also loved Ru being real with her in the “Best Judy” episode. When she called her initial defensiveness when receiving critiques but also highlighted her beautiful heart, I thought “Yes! That’s why we love her.” Monique is completely genuine.

Margaux: What about Naomi? I have been vocal from the jump, mostly because I ended up re-watching her season right before All Stars, don’t sleep on her! Naomi might come across as a shrinking violet in large groups of loud bitches, but that’s not a reason to count her out. Her lewks all season were very high level drag, some of her performances were pretty good, she got some good sound bites, and it was fun watching her pull some trade during dance rehearsals when she knew full well she wouldn’t win this thing. But I think her verse on “Super Queen” sums her up perfectly, I don’t think you said anything of substance, but I sure enjoyed watching you do it! Her jumpsuit was 2001: Space Odyssey realness.

Meg: Naomi going full horizontal was the best lip sync moment of the season. She is brown cow stunning. Except the skinniest fucking cow you’ve ever seen. I could stare at her legs all day. She has everything Milk wishes she had.

Margaux: A DRAGGING!!! But also, you’re totally right about Milk vs Naomi.

Meg: A world where Naomi could be a legitimate model is a world I want to live in. She’s like a baby Raja. I really enjoyed watching her and gained more respect for her hustle and drag overall. Can’t believe she was 21 on her season and made it to Top 3. That really says something. I’m excited to see her grow.

Margaux: Definitely believe we’ll be seeing a lot of Naomi in the future. She’s made the top 4 both times she’s been on Drag Race, and it’s not for nothing.

Meg: Can we please talk about the one and only Manila Luzon who SHOULD’VE been in the Top 3 and may have snatched the crown? That toga was hideous and she may have deserved to go home for that. But Malina is a star. Her drag is maybe my favorite out of anyone’s. It’s whimsical and happy and sunny and makes me want to eat pie. Mostly because she dresses up like fruit every chance she gets. She has heart, talent, vulnerability. She’s shady and sweet. And her lip syncs never leave you disappointed.

Margaux: Look, I firmly believe if you don’t like Manila, you are dead inside, but her not winning isn’t going to hurt her career long term. For fucks sake, she hit pause on her busy schedule to do All Stars, but she committed the cardinal sin of reality competitions, don’t reveal your secret plan! People hold onto that shit, and they will one hundred percent recall it when it’s between you and someone who is weaker than you. Did she deserve to go home for being distracted by her very attractive husband? No. But getting stabbed in the front by a purported fan is like a nice ending to the Selena story. Manila in the top 4 could’ve/would’ve/should’ve changed the outcome of the winner, and to bring it back to Gwen Paltrow, in a Sliding Doors scenario, there’s a Manila in a different color wig is sending Naomi home and taking this thing all the way. But that’s not how to it shook out, and really only validated Brian Moylan’s point of needing to shift All Stars back to a more rarefied TV event that happens every couple years instead every year like some neighborhood block party.  So now we have five queens in the hall of fame, and I never thought about what they “bring” to the Drag Race community, but I think Monet and Trinity are both great additions, even if getting to this point was a bit awkward.

Meg: I think it’s a good time to pause the All Star train and bring us at least 3 more seasons of Drag Race. And hire Brian Moylan as a producer. That bitch has good ideas.

Margaux: Before we sign off, I need to call out the editing of the winner getting crowned because it was BAD. It was stilted, bizarre, and Ru’s Skype’d in voiceover sounded like it was coming from the bottom of the ocean. Did you watch Monet and Trinity’s reaction to their double win? Trinity is personification of gooped. Bitch, I would be too. But Trinity gets happier when she realizes she doesn’t need to share the prize money, thrifty ass queen.

Meg: Hahaha, she is forever a businesswoman. I did not notice that edit. I was just pissed the fug off. Also the bullshit of the three Queens saying they were going to pick the winner and then it was a joke?!? Give me a RuVeal or give me nothing! If the producers want to make RuVeal a thing, they need to work on making the RuVeal’s work.

Margaux: The fake out that Chad, Alaska, and Trixie would determine the winner was not a RuVeal anyone wanted and to even joke about it got my blood boiling. Let’s learn some lessons from the past, shall we? Any parting All Stars thoughts?

Meg: The season was enjoyable and safe. If I could make a show with Alyssa, Alaska, Bob, Bianca, Rujubee, Latrila, Jinxy and Raja, I WOULD. But I don’t have that kind of power. Ru has built a beautiful empire and I die for seeing people at the top of their profession kill every week. That will never get old. But we’re not asking for All Stars every year. We’re just asking to see these old queens in any context.

Margaux: And if they could get Lizzo back as a judge or mentor or something, that’d be the cherry on top.

Meg: And her flute lololol.

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