Dang, I didn’t know you could be gagged by an episode that was predominantly set up, but here we are, paying shade to that dead whore, Lady Bunny. Top six territory is always the best/worst part of the Drag Race season because the fat has been trimmed, and the lack of sleep and glaring reality TV lights start to wear thin, but it looks as if we may have to welcome someone back to the fold who isn’t gonna win this thing anyway. And just when my reviews were getting down to three pages instead of four and a half. But I’m getting ahead of myself, we still have a roast to get to.
We re-enter the werkroom, Latrice-less, and I’ll let Monique explain her reasoning as to why, “I didn’t keep Monet because she’s my friend, I love the bitch, but not that much”. Facts are facts America, and this show remains Not RuPaul’s Best Friend Race…Manila!
Speaking of old girl, Manila, I know this is high stakes, and it’s been very well established that Latrice is your best friend, but you do not need to work yourself into this state to convey your point. Conversely, Monet, you cannot be gagged that Manila would’ve sent you home. You…you knew she would’ve, if given the chance. Manila has been as honest (while delivering a good storylines, producer-wise) as she can be; she was upfront that she didn’t prescribe by the ‘report card’ method and reserved her right to be a shady bitch if she wants to. There isn’t much else to dwell on here. Unless we want to keep talking about how Manila acted like Latrice literally died when she will be back among the living by episodes end. PHEW, okay. Moving on to the maxi challenge.
The roast of Lady Bunny! Monique, having won last week, chooses the order of the eulogy procession thusly:
Monet opens, followed by Trinity, Monique, Naomi, Valentina, and Manila as the closer.
Other than discovering Monet has crashed a funeral, which is iconic, we hear more from Manila. This time she’s trading in crying for playing dumb. The only explanation for Manila, apparently a world renowned actress now, must be that she is trying to tape for the sequel to The Wife because she out here trying to convince us that: 1. She’s not funny 2. Lacks confidence in herself 3. Doesn’t want to go last. Truly, watch out Glenn Close because this is the bitch you should worry about coming for Oscar, not Lady Gaga.
Once the Ru-olgy order is set, we’re finally blessed with a Ru werkroom visit! Usually a good indicator of who will do well (or not) in a maxi challenge. A majority of Ru’s time spent with the All Stars are who were the strongest and weakest in the challenge; Monet and Manila, and Valentina and Trinity, respectively.
Two interesting tidbits about Valentina are gleaned during this visit. 1. She’s worked and been on tour with Lady Bunny…so she must know well enough. And 2. she doesn’t consider herself a comedy queen, which like, duh. Does anybody think that of her? (and thank you editors for the reminder of Valentina’s roast of Michelle Visage – why she didn’t opt to go the character route again is…baffling); it’s pretty well established Valentina considers herself a star, not a comedy queen, and I appreciate Valentina for staying in her lane (aka not attempting to be funny).
Trinity, who we are also helpfully reminded bombed the Michelle roast, tells us this is her last hurdle to right the wrongs of her season, and boy howdy, does she not do that. Which is surprising because she is very funny, but ultimately succumbs to her inner saboteur. Even just riffing with Ru, Ru tries to point Trinity in the right direction by mentioning Trinity and Lady Bunny are both from the south, so it could be a possible source of a joke Trinity is so desperately searching for, and Trinity quickly lobs the joke back, “it’s not funny because we’re probably actually cousins” – BITCH THAT IS GOOD, USE THAT! Ugh, Trinity, I just wanna reach through the TV and save you from yourself. Besides her runway, her other saving grace is Ru clearly loves her. RuPaul hardly ever gives runway snaps, and Trinity got one this week, so I dunno how to feel.
Manila, for all her producer spun anxiety over being last, makes Ru laugh the hardest and loudest during her walk through. What was that about how you didn’t know if could make it through this challenge?
Anyway, these sluts get to have a private joke workshop with Cecily Strong and I’ve never been more jealous in my life. Which is why I was doubly upset that mostly all of Cecily’s wonderful advice to Valentina was totally fuckin’ lost on her. Clearly Valentina doesn’t give a shit about comedy because anyone who is even remotely interested in it lives for performers like Cecily. Woof, but Trinity wasn’t able to much of anything with her time other tell two confusing, long winded jokes about…how Lady Bunny is ugly…question mark? Cecily can barely give feedback and everyone kind of loses. On the other hand, Naomi’s runthrough goes better than her performance, it would seem nerves (and nervous giggles) get the best of her when she finally gets on stage in front the judges. Lastly, which I’m sure she complained about, Manila. She breezes through her jokes like a complete pro, even her cutting room floor jokes are solid. Manila, girl, do you have exec producer credit on this show yet? The storyline production continues to jump out.
Now, as Monet aptly puts it, to get to “that big, bloated bitch in that box”, Lady Bunny! It was very dainty of Lady Bunny, even in death, to cross her legs. There is a first for everything!
Alright, you watched it too, let’s rapid fire read these roast queens:
Monet – the glasses gag was a strong start, and her joke, “category is: Ben Franklin fucked the Michelin Man”, slayed the room. She didn’t have to hit us with the Valentina joke, but she did because she’s Miss Congeniality. And, as the judges later point out, had the most “hard jokes”.
Trinity – I loved her look, end of list of things I loved. It was tough, especially since she kept that the too long Viagra joke. Manila is right, she should’ve done the roast as Caitlyn Jenner.
Monique – I loved that she did a character, a bitchy reboot of The Sister Act. Valentina not getting the joke or the references to cultures outside her own doth not a personality make, and quite frankly, are starting to come across as ignorant. Although Monique’s boob gag worked the first couple times, the bigger reaction she got from the crowd, the longer it went on, and I think a couple good jokes got lost in the process – so pour one of for them. But overall it was fun, and different than what everyone else did
Naomi – thank God she looked beautiful because her N64 joke didn’t land as well as it did in rehearsals, and yes, Naomi’s sole punchline “you’re old, slut”, was by and large fine, but again, gets less funny with each time she told it. The uncomfortable/nervous laughter did not help matters.
Valentina – why she started her set by asking Ru if she could keep her sunglasses on, when she didn’t have especially have to, only made her unfinished eye makeup more confusing. Was that…a bit?? Mostly, it set the tone for Valentina’s set: mess.
Manila – this bitch, acting like she can’t possibly close out the roast, then she shows up with a black umbrella, sees Lady Bunny and recoils. COME ON, HO. She crushed that closing spot, as if she’d do anything less.
At the end of the roast, Lady Bunny, much like Jesus, is resurrected to briefly turn the tables on the queens she doesn’t know because she only works with the ones who tend to win. Only to die again in the most perfect way, slowly laying back down while saying, “Miss Bunny…Miss Bunny”. May Lady Bunny, and Miss Vanjie (Vanjie…Vanjie…Vanjieeeeee) REST.
Category this week is: Angelic White. Let’s roast these not so innocent angels.
Monet channels Young Drag Pope, and it’s a hit. Best she’s ever looked on the runway, coupled with her her performance during the roast, is the level everyone expected of her since her season. Trinity clearly knew she didn’t do so well, love a queen on the chopping block with something to prove. Again, Ru never pays compliments on the runway, and Trinity got it. Eat it. Monique’s look was a little too costume-y for me, but her face looked gorgeous. Shady of Ross to point out the blinds, pun intended. Naomi…you can’t help but bow down to this Prince homage. This was not a performance, she was embodying the spirit of Prince with that look. Valentina’s dress, compared to everyone else on the runway, was a big safe yawn. And Miss Manila, she looks good as a blond, but she and Trinity had similar looks on the runway, and hers was also more costume-y than I typically like, but the hair pulled it together and kept her from being compared to Trinity.
During and after judges critiques, I think we really began to see the seams on Valentina. When so many of the All Stars challenges tend to revolve around the subgenre of “make Ru laugh”, it’s starting to look like the best thing that happened to Valentina on her season was leaving early. At this stage in the game, we’ve seen all she can do, she showed everything in the first two episodes and now I’m a bit bored. It’s the same face, the same gig, and she doesn’t seem too interested in growing or changing, and that’s fine, but go be in Rent already!
Now is the part where things get pretty twisted sister, so, hang onto your wig. First, Monet and Manila are in the top and everyone else in the bottom. At the very least, Monique should’ve been safe. But fine okay. I’m sure the producers were thrilled that Monet and Manila were lip syncing against each other, but unfortunately for them, all the tension had fizzled by the time the song rolled around. Really, the issue seemed to be how to eliminate one of the four remaining queens. Manila does have a point when it comes to the report card method, everyone’s GPA averages out, so how should they decide? Valentina is delusional because she thinks she’s crushing, and honestly, I think she should’ve gone home this week. But should she go home this week? Naomi “growing and learning” every week which is not enough either, but is it enough to send her home?
Monet and Manila’s lip sync to “Jump to It” was so fun and a complete breath of fresh, especially after all the tears. It was two pros who were like, “fuck it! Sending someone home is gonna suck either way, so let’s try to get some money for our troubles”. If I had to choose, I’d give it to Monet, mostly because I hated Manila’s lip sync outfit. What in the Spirit store hell was that? Before Manila can cry anymore tears, we get…TWIST TWO! (Number one was that everyone who wasn’t in the top, was in the bottom). Both Manila AND Monet win, but does that mean they are both sending a different queen home? NO because there is a THIRD TWIST! No one goes home! And did you think your Friday night would quietly conclude after that? DEAD WRONG, FOURTH AND FINAL TWIST! THE ELIMINATED ARE BACK! Like duh. Who didn’t see that coming? Here’s why I hate it…it’s basically filler. No one in the history of RuPaul’s Drag Race has come back from being eliminated to win it all, and no offense to any of the new-old queens, it’s not gonna start now. Mostly, I’m interested in someone going home, not more people showing up. Hopefully these queens have returned to send someone home, I’d be into that! Bitch, what is the tea indeed.
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