This week RuPaul revived some dead whores we thought we’d been rid of for a good old fashion Lip Sync For Your Life deathmatch. Henny, I cannot break down this many bitches by myself anymore, it was a long three day weekend. So I brought in reinforcements! Meg Hayes is a hilarious performer, podcast host (check out Vicious Cycle season 1 on iTunes!), and Drag Race superfan. After years of us cackling over our favorite queens and death drops offline, she’s guesting today, live and online! Let’s get into this “LaLaPaRuZa” gig, if you please.

Margaux: MayHay! Thank you for helping me break this episode down because let me tell you, I am as annoyed as Trinity to have to seemingly start from the beginning.

Meg: Yaaaay! Happy to be here. Ahaha, Trinity is speaking truth to Drag Queens this season. Also, Monique said this was the Gay Superbowl, and though I believe that title is usually saved for The Oscars, I will allow it just this once. This shit was Legendary. Leg and Dairy too, because ya know, Naomi and Latrice.

Margaux: Yeah, I’d say it was less Gay Superbowl, and more Drag Olympics because how many times did we hear queens say “I do this for a living” when they found out they’d have to lip sync battle one of the returning queens to keep their spot? The lip sync off was riveting entertainment, don’t get me wrong, but all the producer drama at the front was a bit tired. Even Gia didn’t seem to have it in her to stir the pot. Her weak attempt to get in Trinity’s head was quickly shut down. Although these sorts of episodes tend to have all them wanting to “prove” something (again), the only person who seemed legit pressed was Latrice and it wasn’t very cute. Especially the way she came for All Stars 1. Fuck Chad’s drag, right?

Meg Girrlllll the things I have to say about Latrice…I am soooo conflicted about Latrice!! I LOVE her and think she deserves the crown. And if someone could just be given a crown like they hand out honorary awards, it would be THE Chunky yet funky Kween. But this isn’t Harvard. This is RuPaul’s School for All-Stars. She has to turn it out to get the crown. And she always shrinks in these competitions and self-sabotages. She gets in her head and forgets how fierce she is. She didn’t turn it out for the Snatch Game or the Jersey Justice. She got shaken by the other girls which seems to be a trend. She needs to figure out how to ignore then and be herself. This happened in her season AND All-Stars S1.Ok let it just be stated that everyone loves Latrice because she is a GEM of a human. “Started from the bottom now we’re here” was written for and about her, and she is a true professional, show(wo)man and lovely human. And she is like a walking bosom that welcomes people in and gives them love. Ugh it’s hard to even question her but girrllll if this is what it takes to light her fire LET IT BE DONE!

Margaux: Well put. This isn’t about arguing how talented Latrice is, she has a big fanbase and sells out shows, facts are facts. BUT I think Latrice thought she could coast on through to her honorary crown due how well received she is in the drag community, and I think was a huge detriment to her. I think the lip sync between her and Monique was closer than Latrice thinks. If I’m being honest, I’d probably of given it to Monique if I had to pick (they both did great and I was happy to go back and rewatch their lip sync without the anxiety of knowing one of them would have to go home at the end). Honestly, Latrice’s runway look did live her to talking head bravado. She looked like present day Tonya Harding, why the 90s figure skating outfit?? And those boots…were not it.

Meg: Those boooots. They were a throwback to the fugly ass black boots with the worn heels she wore during her season.

Margaux: Why on earth would she bring them back?! They were questionable the first time, and now, with more money…we need a shero.

Meg: Dear Goddess in Heaven. And AGREED about the lip sync. I’d have given it to Monique as well if there was no choice to keep both. She slayed that shit up down and sideways. And she kept her wig on, well sort of. At least we didn’t see her bald head. She looked beautiful and somehow made a bright orange wig work. I am very excited about Monique this season. Now can we talk about Naomi Smalls going fucking horizontal?!?! I’m sorry is she secretly Kate Hudson with that yoga shit?! That lip sync was epic.

Margaux: I think Naomi’s lip sync was my favorite; her look lived up to the inspiration for her name – if they got runway critiques, I’m willing put on money on them gagging over it – and she knows how to work her brand into her performance in a way that is nothing short of impressive. Gia clearly picked her because she thought she could beat her, but Gia’s ten pounds of hair and gold dress reveal could not secure her the win against Naomi – would’ve also helped if Gia knew all the words too. I truly do not understand why everyone is sleeps on Naomi. I know she’s not the funniest queen (she’s never claimed to be) and she is not super over the top, but the same thing that happened to her in her season, around this point in the competition, this bitch like fully powers up and slays a challenge that makes everyone sit up and go, “oh damn”. Or, in Monique terms, fully goops them.

Meg: Is or Isn’t Monique working for Gwyneth Paltrow?!

Margaux: I might spend $400 on a sweater from Goop if Monique was a brand ambassador. That’s the only way Goop will get my money.

Meg: Either way, bitch should be paying her for all these brand shoutouts. Agreed about Naomi. She is a queen to be taken seriously. And truthfully she is stepping up her comedy game this season. I really liked her on Jersey Justice. Is that what we’re calling that crazy ass excuse for a challenge? Can we please write for this show and give them better ideas? I dunno. It was good I guess and I loved hearing the accents, but the best part was Ru doing his tracksuit wearing alter ego. Michelle was so downplayed she could’ve been from Long Island.

Margaux: Every season I beg RuPaul to employ me to write bits for Drag Race, and once again, I am brutally rebuffed and we have to sit through these painful improv exercises. I mean, I get it, Ru can literally do whatever she wants on the show that bares her name, but I have to say, “LaLaPaRuZa” was kind of a hot mess and I loved it. I like to see these queens do what they do best, which tends to be lip syncing, but I thought these head-to-heads did one thing effectively, they highlighted why the remaining queens are rightfully still here. I almost felt bad for Jasmine having to go up against Trinity and her legendary ass, by the end Jasmine looked winded. But I will give credit where it’s due, both of Jasmine’s looks, her dead bitch look and her runway jumpsuit, were both really great and the most glam I’ve seen her look in a while. But yeah, as Jasmine said herself “I’m shaking my little padded ass”, and it just doesn’t have the same effect as Trinity’s surgically enhanced one.

Meg: Agreed. If anything this was a nice mid-season reminder that these queens are talented AF. It reminded me of the magic of the show. And if anything, I’m kind of disappointed in the producers and writers for not doing more things like this to showcase their talent. I mean my god, Naomi and that lip sync is what dreams are made of. And those moments are what keep us coming back. The Coco sleeve twirls, the Roxy wig reveals, the Alyssa high kicks. If you think about it, the best moments have almost exclusively been lip sync or runway related.

Margaux: Exactly! That’s why all the hubbub around the werkroom leading up to the main event felt so repetitive. Did we really need to go over Valentina vs Farrah again? Not really. Their lip sync was fun enough, but poor Farrah, I have never thought she was cut out for this show. Not because she’s not talented, but because she seems very sweet and tends to let outside factors affect her negatively. Somehow she can’t seem to channel what people find charming about and surface it during her performances. This time it was because, I felt, she was completely overwhelmed by her outfit and if over enunciating the words is half the battle of a lip sync, not being able to see your mouth because your fucking wig is in the way, well, that’s not great, girl.

Meg: I thought that lip sync was closer than Valentina and her self-proclaimed “coconut head” realized. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Valentina. I love her insane prancing every day in the werkroom, and the fact that she lives in her own world. But she needs to be a little more anchored in reality so these queens don’t snatch the crown from under her. She is gorgeous and charismatic as hell. And she definitely has what it takes, but sometimes being that confident can turn into overconfidence and the other queens will be ready to pounce.

Margaux: I really have no choice to believe Valentina when she says that when she feels a fantasy, to her, it becomes real. I dunno, the spirit of delusion didn’t seem as strong with Valentina this episode as it did last week. But I think she is very much on the bubble, especially if she doesn’t bring it now that there’s an extra queen in the running. Do you think Latrice is going to make it to the end?

Meg: Oof. The only way Latrice will make it to the end is if she realizes that this crown is not as good as hers. She can still be the most respected and cherished queen in the game and not have a crown. My god think of all the other queens in this boat. Alyssa. Manila. Shangie. Nina mother fucking Flowers.

Margaux: Well, Shangela was straight fucking ROBBED her All Star season, no offense Trix.

Meg: At this point even Ru agrees with that. Love Trixie, but it’s true.

Margaux: For whatever it’s worth, I think Ru has learned her lesson this season. Keeping Monique was the first step of undoing All Stars fan backlash.

Meg: Absolutely agree. Ru remembered Who’s the Boss this season. And the only thing better would be bringing Shangela back in the finale and just giving her the damn crown scepter. Also, too many blondes in this All-Stars Hall of Fame!

Margaux: Yeah, every time they flash the graphic of the All Stars Hall of Fame it always looks very…white. No shade! But before we wrap this up, I’d be remiss not to point out how much fun Ru seemed have during LaLaPaRuZa. I wrote in my notes at a certain point, “is Ru drunk?”. Especially during the runway jokes, her cat sounds as Valentina slinked down the runway made me laugh pretty hard. She was letting LOOSE.

Meg: Ahahaha. She was having a ball.

Margaux: Any closing thoughts you want to leave us with? Predictions?

Meg: Well, Michelle was wearing green which means the end of days is coming. Monique is making me laugh with all of her shazams and goops and nonsense. She is the one liner queen of this season.

Margaux: She is the Dorinda of Drag Race.

Meg: And with immunity and multiple lip syncs, I am very excited for what the rest of the season has in store. I truly feel it is anyone’s game. And I feel reinvigorated as a long-time fan of the franchise. These multiple All Star seasons has me skeptical, but if it means legendary moments like the ones we saw today, I’m there for it. #naomigoeshorizontalbitch

About Author