Christ, I hate the internet of things.
So, every year, Mozillla puts out a list of gadgets that’s judged by a panel to figure out how much of your loved ones’ data the damn things will happily give away. They call it their “Privacy Not Included Buyers Guide”. And they rate it, in part, based on any breaches or scandals the given producer of the device has had over the past year. Therefore, it’s not surprising to see companies like Amazon and Facebook at the top of the list. And even then, some pf these items make no damn sense.
The judges rate the items using the following scale: Not Creepy -> A Little Creepy -> Somewhat Creepy -> Moviebob’s obsession with Lindsay Ellis Very Creepy.
For example: Nintendo Switch? Not creepy. Fitbark 2? A little creepy, but your dog doesn’t have a bank account or anything (that you know of…). Peloton Bike? Somewhat creepy, if the ads didn’t tip you off. Google Home? Very creepy, get it out!
I suppose my favorite items on this list are the ones that are most baffling. Sure, that smart watch is probably sending all your data to China and Russia; you kinda expect that. It’s, as usual, the dumbass Internet of Things shit that really gets me. My favorites are probably toys like the Ubtech Jimu Robot Kits. Why does it need all of that access? Also, why do you need a smart litter box for your cat? What the fuck is your cat or dog going to do with a fucking companion robot?
But the best, the crown jewel of this empire of shit, would have to be the KidKraft Amazon Alexa 2-in-1 Kitchen & Market. $300 for a fake kitchen that inexplicably has Amazon Alexa functionality included. Why?! What purpose or good can come of letting your kids play with something that’s connected to the internet? And the real kicker is that you have to buy an Alexa device separately for it! From Mozilla’s page:
Looking to teach your five year old about shopping and cooking at a very young age? Who better to trust than Amazon’s Alexa? (We can actually think of a whole bunch of better options to teach young kids about shopping than Amazon’s Alexa, but roll with us here.) KidKraft has paired up with Amazon’s Alexa for this $300 wooden kitchen and market set complete with self-checkout, working smart scanner, fridge, freezer, and even a smart faucet. Plop an Alexa smart speaker (sold seperately) in the middle of the kitchen and that, along with a bunch of RFID sensors, will play with your kids. We’ll give them this, potentially training kids at an early age to buy stuff (while hanging out with Alexa) sure feels like a solid business model. We’re pretty worried about the privacy implications of this though.
What could happen if something goes wrong
The biggest privacy flag for us with this toy targeted at kids ages 3 – 10 is that it is hard to get any information about the KidKraft Alexa skill because the Amazon skill store does not require a privacy policy. So we are unable to tell what data this might collect or how the voice interactions might be used. Amazon does say that child-directed Alexa skills cannot promote any products, content, or services, or direct end users to engage with content outside of Alexa; sell digital or physical products or services, or collect any personal information from children. Which feels like everything could be ok. We just aren’t able to confirm that. Couple that with the fact that we were unable to tell if this product meets our Minimum Security Standards and we have to warn, this Alexa-driven toy could come with *Privacy Not Included.
Wonderful, just wonderful.
Source: Gizmodo
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