We’re on “Part Three” of Lindsay on OWN and I’m starting to feel a lot like Oprah, cut the damn bullshit already. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stick it out with Lohan for another five ‘parts’, watching her beleaguered team of people whom she barks at like Regina George is upsetting, not in a entertaining way.
This show has been anything but gritty, cool, or normal. I’d really like to stop hearing Lohan’s excuses and victim blaming against the world for her problems. I don’t necessarily want the drama, but I don’t want the sober, bitchy picture that’s being painted.
Lindsay is finally in her apartment, what could go wrong? When you’re Lindsay Lohan, basically fucking everything. At any given moment. Can you tell my goodwill from ‘Part One’ has evaporated faster than Lohan used to be able to say, “Vodka/RedBull”?
“Part Three” focuses on her sad-sack assistant Matt, who does literally everything for her and all he asks of her is 10 minutes a day. Literally. This doesn’t happen. I know the total sum of my belongings would fit in Lohan’s shoebox but honestly, how many fucking people do you need to unpack an apartment? I legit feel awful for every single person on her “staff”, her problems are theirs, at all times. Doubtful compensation and benefits make up for the glitz of being “employed” by Lohan. Between her crazy family and how utterly unreliable Lohan appears to be, you can send the trainwreck to rehab as many times as you want, aint’s gonna take the trainwreck out of the girl.
Another focal point of last nights Lindsay was her lack of grasping the idea of proper communication with others, in which she doesn’t end up looking like the asshole she probably is. She doesn’t even pretend to try to meet people halfway, too busy chain smoking in her apartment.
BAIL MATT, BAIL!
With only seven out of the twelve shooting days complete, Amy Rice and crew are stranded outside Lohan’s apartment building. Lindsay sends Rice a text, she’s not shooting today, she feels that they have footage of her. Ultimately, Lohan ends up conning the crew into becoming her design/unpacking crew – production money well spent.
Look if you’re gonna bail, bail early. Don’t string along people along, with their lives in the balance if you’re not committed. Lohan is a person who’s been in showbiz since childhood, shouldn’t she know that by now?
Finally, Oprah’s scheduled check-in with Lindsay – it was a bulk of the trailer, for good reason . Upon hearing about Lindsay’s recent behavior, Oprah is none too pleased, she’s okay with letting the whole project go cause Oprah don’t half ass shit. In the car, Oprah laments that, “this is exactly what everyone said would happen”. Well Oprah, you were wrong about the Million Little Pieces guy too.
She cops to the realization that maybe there just really isn’t much going on with Lindsay. Yes Oprah, this has been more painful than actually reading A Million Little Pieces.
“Real pain and the work happens when stuff gets churned up” Oprah continues, it’s probably the lack of internal churning that’s been dragging down the show cause I’ve yet to see it. Lohan seems to be in the same place as before, her tools or ability to learn from past mistakes, glaringly absent.
Oprah offers Lohan a sincere way out, and if anyone wants best for you, it really is Oprah. She’s a businesswoman, she’s not trying to waste anyone’s time, or personally derail anyone’s healing. “YOU’RE A PROFESSIONAL WOMAN” – OPRAH
She goes on to reiterate much of what I said, which makes me feel better about my mogul aspirations.
Maybe Lohan is just a bigger pain in the ass sober cause she’s more aware of who she is and where she is at all times. Hard to say.
After what feels like longest talk of all time, Lohan agrees to cowgirl up and be there for shooting, what her contract 100% says and that’s what she’s getting paid for. No golf clap for her.
All she needs is mediation in the morning, or something.
Hearing Oprah’s bleeped out Fuck was pretty much the highlight of this entire episode.
Join me next week for another annoyed recap of Lindsay!
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She’s young I think shell turn it around