We’ve arrived at the midpoint of Lindsay, picking right up from Oprah’s Long Island real talk. Dina is utterly delighted when the attention turns towards her, PR response on Lindsay ready to go, deny being in denial.
“I was juggling too many balls at once” she tells us, well, technically Oprah. But, come on guys, give her break. Something, something negligent mother and/or ball joke. Pick one.
So, will Lindsay recognize what needs to be done or just excuse it up?
What the hell do you think?
Her life coach, not to be confused with her sober coach or assistant, calls out the fact that she needs to stop talking about getting her shit together and just do it. Something like, 98% of America wakes up before 10am, get it together Lohan. All the while, her Porsche is getting ticketed up on an NYC street.
Speaking of her sober coach, Michael has completed his transition work with Lohan, heading back to LA in the next few days. Says “the system” is place for Lohan to use, she just has to use it. Matt the assistant gets to look forward to losing more of what little hair he has left. In Michael’s wake, Matt has the honor of stepping it up, first step of that: firing the 2nd assistant Hollie for drinking wine in front of Lindsay.
All of this sounds off to a super promising start.
And we haven’t even gotten to the part that has the internet going nuts. No, not her pole dance, jazzercise class – rent I Know Who Killed Me for that. You’re welcome.
Lohan’s career. Or more accurately, what’s left of it.
Complaining to her life coach AJ, Lindsay has yet to meet with New York representation, they don’t care. According to Lohan, she’s been the one whose scored her own roles on the last two films she’s starred in. She makes no mention of the Fallon bit we see her work on earlier. I’m left to assume Lohan is referring to The Canyons and Scary Movie 5, or Liz & Dick? Either way, these aren’t roles to boast about. It ain’t no Parent Trap.
Much like the second time Lohan went to rehab, she cannot stress enough how much she wants to be back on set. AJ continues to gently prod Lohan in the direction of taking responsibility for her actions. You know, the little stuff like, the six stints in rehab and a driving record worst than Mr. Magoo. The silly things that make her unemployable to a studio.
Nah, she insists they don’t care. It’s Lohan vs The World/Press/The Dude Walking Down The Street.
She doesn’t think they wanna fight for her, she’s not a “breadwinner”. Her agent has been around for eight years, that means he’s seen a lot of shit. He knows her. Lindsay voices that there’s a roadblock in her way, which would be HERSELF, but fails to see that .
Not the breakthrough moment anyone was hoping for.
AJ eventually reasons with her – no, she’s not Penelope Cruz, but she is Lindsay Lohan. Things can’t be that hard.
Oh yeah, The Avengers. Lohan flippantly mentions they “cast an unknown” over Lohan for Age Ultron. It could literally be anyone, the guessing game alone deserves its own post. But her solution to all this is the most hysterical, hypothetical business move even the likes of Kanye has ever heard. She wants her manager to fire his entire agency because his agents keep passing projects to Vanessa Hudgens.
Sure thing, said no one in the history of horrible thoughts.
AJ stresses the importance that even though you’re not in big budget movies this second, you need to start with the here and now. And though that’s not saying anything new, apparently, it constantly needs to be said.
The second kicker was naturally saved for the last. The day Michael flies back to LA, stating he “doesn’t want to be the sobriety crutch.” Then throws Lohan directly under the bus, pretty much copping to the fact that he doesn’t think Lohan is sober. Nice! Backstabbing, now that’s why we’re watching.
Maybe what that’s what all his roundabout “transition” talk was really getting at.
Next week, Lindsay has a drink, admits and doesn’t burst immediately into flames!
Join me for another recap of Lindsay!
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