‘Part Five’ of Lindsay was another episode where the highlights were, 75% unpacking and 25% passive aggressive attitude. Barring the revelation that her perpetual tardiness and failure to adhere to a shooting schedule is because she’s fallen off the wagon again, methinks her actual downfall is the fact that her acting is no longer convincing. If Lohan still considers herself an actress, which she repeats so much on this docu-series it should be a tee-shirt, this show is turning out to be nothing but the nail in coffin of her career.
Lindsay pays lip service to the view shared by nearly every producer in Hollywood, she’s a “flight risk” to any production she’s involved in. The problem is, Lindsay does nothing to refute her long resume of being a problem child on set, she’s been called out by everyone from Georgia Rule studio heads to the New York Times to friggin’ Oprah. People don’t forget, especially when there’s lots of money at stake.
Big O’s heart-to-heart from two episodes seems to be gone with the wind, Lohan is doing anything but “cutting the bullshit.”
Waiting for her furniture to arrive, Lindsay cleans out her overstuffed wardrobe – it’s so packed, if homegirl didn’t have clothes, her apartment would be bare. Conveniently, Lohan lives above a consignment shop and like most broke 20 somethings, brings her stuff to sell. “The whole focus is to leave stuff, right?”, AJ wrongly asks Lohan. What the hell is Lindsay gonna do with all the room in her closet? NOT fill it right back up with clothes?
Like most addicts, trading one addiction for another, Lohan shops till she drops with her Mother, Dina. And since Dina isn’t an enabler, she’s talking her out spending the cash she needs, right? Lohan is broker than a med school student. Nope, like a depressing Choose Your Own Adventure book, Lohan chooses to buy clothes, trying to cobble together more stuff to trade to the shop so she can afford new designer digs. The scene eventually plays out like a desperate person begging their dealer to spot them, “just this one last time”. Not taking $4500 cash in hand, which most people who don’t have money and no prospect of job would do – Lindsay says feh to your rules, society.
But I see what you’re doing here Oprah, foreshadowing.
The only thing Lohan does a convincing acting job of is pissing off everyone around her, who are trying very hard to help her. Yes, her sober coach is back in LA but she still has over worked and downtrodden assistant Matt and AJ the Life Coach. All the good-hearted help in the world still can’t stir Lindsay out of bed before noon, shooing out the crew on a scheduled production day, overwhelmed by the harsh reality that moving fucking sucks. After two hours on the sidewalk, AJ returns to tell Amy Rice and Matt that Lohan has agreed to do what she said she would. Why these conversations are being had, is beyond me. Back upstairs in Lindsay’s apartment, we meet her “friend” Liam, who is going to help unpack. His help is invaluable, he sits on the balcony, trying on ugly hats. That’s not all, among all her crap, she’s still missing couches, other furniture, and a box of bedding. This is what happens when you never handle a single thing in your life yourself.
Leading up to Lohan’s “career advancing meetings” in LA, AJ plans to have Lohan stay with her for the week, while Lindsay meets with producers and agents. AJ also set up something for Lindsay with the Sony Executive introduced to her earlier in the episode (the one that made her cry and pray on the phone). Sounds simple enough, how long till it all blows up in her strangely altered face? Not long.
“If I’m left to my own devices, I do the right thing on my own” “At dinner the other night, your Mom told me you’d been drinking.” AJ pulls zero punches, straight up calls out Lindsay on the empty bottle of wine she found in the trash, the day after her Mother ratted her out. Lindsay instantly denies it, oh-so offended that she got called out on camera, even though ya know, again…this is what she signed up for.
Brief aside, is it me or does Lohan say “cam-er-ahhh” like Jenna on 30 Rock?
Since Lindsay is like, so totally not mad at AJ, she leaves for LA for the week and never makes good on the plan they had agreed to. Oh and of course the trip wasn’t filmed, why would it be? It’s not like Lohan was partying the entire time and not doing anything she said she would. When she finally confesses to her (doubtful) single glass of wine, it’s pretty boring. We were promised honesty and realness but all we’re getting is acting. Poorly at that.
Long story short, she jumped into a relationship right after rehab, they weren’t on the same page, aka he was drinking in front of someone freshly out of recovery. Excuse me while I roll my eyes into the deep recesses of my head, everyone is dumb in this situation – there are no winners.
Week to week, the amount of evidence that Lohan doesn’t truly want this, stacks up more. If you’re really aware you’re on your last professional leg, you don’t get up 30 minutes before your scheduled meeting with Sony, that you never even try and make it to.
Instead of holding herself accountable for the botched trip, Lohan refuses to film or see AJ. Leaving Matt, Rice, and AJ to rightfully bitch about her on the sidewalk. After venting, AJ realizes that Lindsay is simply an inconsiderate person and quits. Sorry AJ, Lindsay isn’t ready to do the work, you’re gonna be waiting for some time for that “I’m Ready Now” phone call.
How will Lohan celebrate her continual self-sabotage next week? Partying with some Russian. Uh, duh.
Join me next week for another recap of Lindsay!
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