This month has seen a number of European PC games get the remastering treatment. This time we get GODS Remastered, an update to the classic game from the days of the controller-less Amiga. It’s a hands-down classic European title by the legendary Bitmap Brothers. But most people reading this probably remember it from its DOS release back in 1990.

[perfectpullquote align=”right” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=”14″]Developer: Robot Riot

Publisher: Robot Riot

Genre: Action

Platform: PC [reviewed], XB1

Release: Dec 3, 2018[/perfectpullquote]

The concept is a simple, as were most games in the age where the Nintendo Entertainment System was still the main player. You join a nameless warrior, who I’m pretty sure is Hercules if I remember right, on a dangerous journey through four worlds to defeat the Great Guardians who have stolen the homes of the gods. As a reward you will receive immortality and a place in the eternal hall of fame (leader-boards).

This is a classic 2D platformer in the style of so many other DOS-era games. And, if I’m being honest, that’s not a great thing. I grew up on DOS games, more so than home consoles, since my father always had an up-to-date machine for work. My childhood is full of memories of Commander Keen, Duke Nukem, Star Trek 25 Anniversary, Wing Commander and more.

The PC was ages beyond anything that the NES and Master System could do, but one thing that DOS never really did well was traditional 2D platformers. For every Commander Keen there was, well, GODS. You wanted smooth platforming controls you went to home consoles; you wanted graphically advanced games of any other genre you stuck to DOS.

So, GODS Remastered sits in a very weird spot. We have to start asking how far back should we go when putting together a remaster of a game as well as what it should entail? On the surface I was either expecting a port of the old DOS title (that game is nearly impossible to play on modern machines), or an updated game with modern graphics and design. Well, we sort of get the former in this release.

GODS Remasted, much like R-Type Dimensions that I reviewed last month, lets you switch between the original pixel-based graphics and the new modern ones. It’s neat jumping between the two to see the changes, but chances are you are going to stick to the classic GODS look for a couple of reasons. The main one being the remastered graphics look uglier than absolute sin.

The modern graphics are some of the worst I’ve ever seen and look like some cheap, amateur, mobile title from years ago (Fun fact: it’s on mobile too). Updating the game into full 3D on a 2.5D plane had real potential, but it’s squandered here as it usually is every time its been tried. Everything looks and feels unnatural, almost like you are playing with action figures and not some warrior of old.

Movement is stiff and clunky with animations hindering any enjoyment the original provided. What’s really funny is that if you swap to the original pixel-styling, the game looks and plays far better. GODS was never a smooth game, noted for its stiff European gameplay, but it worked okay at the time. Playing platformers on a keyboard was a thing that we look back on fondly but are so much better off without now.

This modern treatment just makes the game look and feel like some college kids final project in their animation and programming class. It’s ugly, bland, and a joyless affair in the modern mode. I wasn’t kidding when I said the game looks like one of those early mobile games that featured super stiff character animations.

There’s a new soundtrack to enjoy but this isn’t enough to make up for the terrible claymation-like visuals that leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. Thankfully, the classic pixel style is still as pretty as ever. 2D pixel graphics will never age and they’ll never look dated.

This new modern 3D style was dated before it ever released. What sucks most is that the new music does not transfer over to the classic mode, with only sound effects playing. I’m pretty sure the original game featured some killer music for its day, but I can’t be sure. Maybe my version is bugged but the classic mode was so empty musically.

The remaster hurts most because the main character doesn’t even look close to his retro original, which has a pretty iconic look. The outfit isn’t even close to the same, let alone the model. How do you miss such basic things is beyond me. You may have spent hours on GODS back in the day, clicking away on your keyboard, but no one will be doing that in the remastered form.

What hurts most is that the game just doesn’t work remastered at all. Even if the graphics and models were done by a AAA team it still wouldn’t work, and that’s because the mechanics of the game are stuck in the very far past. Games like this simply aren’t made anymore as we’ve come a long way when it comes to controls and mechanics.

The Amiga and DOS didn’t use controllers, and chances are you never used a controller on a PC until at least the age of the Xbox 360. These games were designed for keyboards and because of this aren’t fluid. Everything is, more or less, based on a grid with key presses controlling the action. You get tight spaces, lots of enemies, and often can’t avoid taking damage no matter how good you are.

GODS Remastered is a wicked hard game, but not because it’s well designed, but because it isn’t. This might be a hot take on the Internet, but European games had a different design philosophy that didn’t always center on player enjoyment. The game was hard back in the day, but we excused the control issues because it’s all we had. Again, I loved games like these, but they just couldn’t match the quality of home consoles that used D-Pads.

Enemies pop up out of nowhere and are happy to swarm your position without any smarts. You can’t duck and shoot, jumping will always move you in a forward arc, and blind jump are the name of the game. This is the sort of game that you need to learn which is one style that just never really sat well with me.

I’m always down for a challenge but when a game feels like homework I always moved on after long. You are rewarded here for memorizing patterns and knowing what is going to happen next. Some people love this but it really kills the pacing of a game in my opinion (screw your Rick Dangerous). It means you aren’t necessarily rewarded for your skill, but for your work ethic.

In this regard GODS Remastered is a perfect remake of the original title, but is that really something that we want? I’d normally say “yes” to a question like that, but the new modern graphical style just turned me away from the full experience. The classic mode is still as great as you remember, but I’m not sure how I’d feel about buying a game that I’ll only ever experience half of.

There’s a real charm adjusting to some tweaked controls in the classic mode that now assign buttons to actions allowing for play on a controller. I understand the sort of game it was and the time it came from so I can appreciate playing it again in the classic form. That said, I think it would have been the perfect remaster if they redrew all the sprites, much like they did with Ducktales Remastered.

I’m bloody thankful for the new save points, the stable frame rate and the speedrun mode that leaves me feeling like a chump against pretty much every 90s kid over in Europe. The plentiful weapons and powerups are still a blast to use and the enemies and bosses are all as memorable and weird as ever, but all this praise is thrown only on the classic side of the remaster.

The team is asking for $20 and I simply can’t recommend it for those new to the game, or those looking for a new 2D side-scroller. Thankfully, the gameplay trailer on the Steam page is probably more than enough to keep new players away. If you love GODS you probably already bought this one since it’s the only place to play the original.

I’ve never had to call out the very same game for how great and terrible it looks in the same review. GODS Remastered is passable, I just wished more care was taken with the modern graphics it employs. I don’t think there are many people out there, fans or not, that are going to praise the new look.

“GODS Remastered let’s you relive the brutally hard original, but the optional remastered graphics are laughably bad” 

Final Score:

2.5/5

About Author