A long time ago on a studio lot far far away, there was a man with a vision. A vision to create a movie that would capture the cycle of the hero’s journey and bring it to the masses in the form of a science fiction fantasy epic. Unfortunately, that simple dream would lead into a personal journey of madness for its creator, a journey that would both birth a generation of fans in one hand, and crush their youth in the other. But, like any journey we must start from the beginning, back when Lucas was but a young director looking for his big break in the movie business.
There is no doubting that the original Star Wars was a monster hit when it debuted in theaters, not a great movie, but a good solid movie. While the film was well before my time, my mother often recounts the stories of seeing lines wrapped around the block at the local cinema showing this “wild” new movie that was playing. You have to understand that at a time before the internet, or even regular phone conversations were a big deal, Star Wars had managed to capture audiences attention in a way few other films had up to that point. It brought elements of what Science Fiction books had been using for years and put them onscreen for all to enjoy. While the impact of Star Wars is without question and not really up for debate, what is was if was what ended up on the screen what Lucas had envisioned throughout the course of shooting.
Many people know the great Alec Guinness hated the script and his characters of Obi-Wan and it’s safe to assume that most reader also know the stand-off nature that Harrison Ford has had with regards to Han Solo, going so far as to call him an idiot. But, and this is a pretty big but, what many people aren’t aware is that Lucas may actually shot an utter mess of a movie. There are rumors that have persisted for a great many years that after completing work on Star Wars, what was shown was just plain bad. So bad in fact that Lucas’ girlfriend at the time is said to have made major cuts and edits just to make the film watchable before getting what we know and love today. That notwithstanding, Star Wars was a major hit and helped cement George Lucas as one of the Hollywood élite and a major director, even if he would end up doing very little directing outside of the first film.
Star Wars would of course get a sequel in the form of Empire Strikes Back, the almost unanimously agreed upon best Star Wars film ever, a few years later. It’s important to note that the greatest of the Star Wars films was directed by someone other than George Lucas himself. This time around we really start to the marketing push with regards to children. We get lots of clothing, toys, games and on and on. Essentially, anything Lucas could throw a Star Wars sticker on he would sell. After another hit with Empire, we would get the conclusion to the original trilogy with Return of the Jedi, which incidentally was titled Revenge of the Jedi until just prior to coming out (there are lots of posters still floating around with that title) giving us the first indication that maybe, just maybe, George didn’t even really know how his own universe really worked. Thankfully as with Empire, Return of the Jedi also featured a director other than Lucas saving us for what could have been more Ewok… well, anything.
We now get to a point where the Star Wars universe faces a great awakening of sorts. A great explosion of content is demanded by the masses, but poor old George Lucas is plumb out of ideas being nearly tapped out after A New Hope that he just begins approving anything that comes across his desk. But with this growth isn’t without its cost as there is another, a more powerful collection of people pulling the strings of a simple and naïve Lucas, The Sit… er, I mean his yes men. Yes men are a cowardly lot who will always agree with you no matter how stupid, silly, or asinine your idea might be simply to stroke your ego so that they can continue to breastfeed of the tit that is (in this case) Lucas. The first such “Yes” endeavors was the creation of the Star Wars expanded universe.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots of really cool and interesting things to come of the extended universe, but it’s safe to say that a majority of it is only there to cash in on the name or is full of contradictions that it would make your head explode from trying to comprehend it all. Look, I know you all love your Boba Fet, but lets face face the guy was an idiot and a terrible bounty hunter. And Darth Maul is deader than dead, you can take your spider body having Wild Wild West inspired Maul and shove it. But all thats not the biggest problem with it; the biggest problem lies with the fact that Lucas himself didn’t give two shits about that universe and had very little direction in the paths it took. If you ever want to piss Lucas off and drive him up the walls, just bring up StarKiller from Force Unleashed otherwise know as “That other guy” at the LucasArts offices.
With Star Wars fever still high and George Lucas now more interested in approving wilder, stupider names for Jedi (Master Bates is a classic), Lucas had amassed a fortune that would see his empire expand into video games. You see, when the people working with Lucas have a good idea they would sit around a table and have a conversation that probably went something like this:
“Hey, so I have this new idea for a video game department where we can make these incredible games that will help define a generation”
“Wow, that sounds great Bill! So how many Star Wars games can we churn out?”
“Well… you see, I was thinking we could do all original stuff and bring in really great writers and animators to create new IPs”
“Damn… That will never fly with the boss man.”
“Wait! What if we told him we were doing a bunch of Star Wars stuff and release a few really shitty NES games to appease our Hutt Lord while we make the really good stuff for the PC?”
“Brilliant!
Now if you look at the long history of LucasArts, you will find a plethora of historically significant games in their catalog from over the years. What you won’t find is the Star Wars title stapled onto very many of said games. Why is this you ask? Well, if something had the Star Wars name attached then Lucas wanted final say in the matter. That’s not to say he was involved in the design, production, writing or creation of said game, just that he would inject his insane delusional fantasy on everybody.
I don’t know how many of you know this, but Darth Maul was to have his own game post Phantom Menace (Read the amazing article in the Game Informer June issue). Supposedly, he magically survived being cut in half, dropped down hundreds of stories, landing in a trash compactor, and having the wherewithal to create a mechanical spider body from old junk and garbage… FUCKING GARBAGE! That’s about as believable as if the leftover Spam in my fridge created an exoskeleton out of all the leftovers, called himself Optimus Prime Rib, and buddied up with my one missing sock I haven’t seen in five years. Oh, the sock this I just mentioned… yeah, after he fixed himself up he was supposed to have a buddy cop relationship with a random Twi’lek that Lucas liked from a random comic he once saw because he liked the show Burn Notice.
So what now? Conquering film has left him feeling great, owning the retail toy market for years has made him feel unstoppable, and having his company at the top of the new video games industry has caused his head to balloon to Death Star proportions. We all know what came next, the first public misstep that even all the Lucas yes men couldn’t shield him from; the Star Wars Special Editions. Lucas claimed that he wanted to go back to his original trilogy and “fix” what he couldn’t get to when filming. What this meant was adding scenes that did nothing to move the story along, add special effects that were unnecessary and distracting from the trilogies original tone, and change key scenes that alter the entire persona that a character has had for generation of fans.
Yes, Star Wars belongs to Lucas (at the time) and he created the world and should have the right to go back and do whatever he wants, right? RIGHT?!?! Well, no he doesn’t. You see, the work that Lucas had created way back when had now grown into a life all of its own. Fans were gobbling up extended universe anything and buying Star Wars everything, and had been doing so for years. What tied everything together was that the Trilogy was cannon; It was the be all end all, the bible if you will, for the Star Wars Universe. And by having this mass following and world built up, Star Wars had since become the people’s and no longer Lucas’. You see, I don’t think Lucas ever really truly understood the scope and reach of what he created, I maintain that he has always seen Star Wars as his baby, his pet project, and because of this figured long ago with the continued success of the brand that he was the star and could do no wrong with anything, including changing that original vision.
Well, needless to say people were pissed, as evidenced today with people talking about pre and post special editions versions. I have both the original VHS box-set on the shelf right next to the first Special Edition box-set and when people come over they could care less about the shiny gold box and care where I bought my original series from. Despite all this, Star Wars was still hot and George Lucas in his wisdom decided to do something that would shake the world to its very core and hopefully bring all his fans back into the fold by giving them what they wanted; a new Star Wars Trilogy.
What follows is a descent into madness…
If you were a Star Wars fan prior to the release of Phantom Menace you know the immense excitement the film garnered. It was a time of great joy in the universe; Star Wars was coming back in a new trilogy and was major news around the world. It was like taking part in what our parents took part in when A New Hope opened, only this time our parents understood our love and were there to share it with us. I can still remember opening weekend, going to a brand new theater in town built to coincide with the release and seeing fans of all ages ready to be blown away. But let me travel back a little bit to before the film opened and shocked the world.
The internet was still a relatively new thing for most people, I can remember still having to call in via landline to AOL and access the web through a portal which was a marked improvement from our early CompuServe days. Because of this information wasn’t as readily available we had only bits and pieces to go on.
We knew George Lucas was directing and had penned the script, but what we didn’t know was just how insane the man had become under and his yes men. I have the strong suspicion that during writing, casting, and his directing duties he never heard the word no uttered the entire production. But hey, look who we get staring in the film! Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor and Natlaie Portman, all huge stars in their own right who have gone on to star in major Hollywood blockbusters and be nominated for big time awards. So to say that the casting was weak is ludicrous, but why then did the movie seem to implode on itself?
Because, you know, George Lucas.
Phantom Menace became not a natural progression to the already rich Star Wars world, but it became Lucas’ way of explaining and removing everything that gave Star Wars its personality. Gone is the force as this mystical bond or energy that very special people (both good and evil) could tap into with training and dedication, instead it’s just some shit in your blood, you know, science stuff.
It’s as if Lucas didn’t understand (or care) that he created this fantasy epic in the vain of the old Greek tales, but instead wanted it now to be some science fiction hybrid with needless facts expelling away major core principles of the universe. We already have a hugely successful science fiction series and string of movies for that, nobody wanted Star Wars to be more like Star Trek with inane technobabble. Not only that, but there were major issues with the movie that even as an awkward middle schooler about to enter high school stuck out to me. Here is a short list of stupid things that bugged me as a kid:
- Whats with the robots? I want Jedi’s and Sith Lords or at least real people. Robots are dumb.
- Trade Federation? These guys are booooooooring! Are they really the bad guys?
- Why does Jar Jar Binks sound kind of like a southern slave? Feels icky.
- C3PO… Really?
- Midi what now? Blood stuff, like the X-Men have?
- That pod racing is freaking awesome! (not a stupid thing but it’s awesome)
- Why is this a kids movie? The old one weren’t kids movies?
- Really… all those robots had a single off switch?
- Wait, this dumb kid can fly a military spaceship?
- Fuck yeah, Darth Maul!
- Da Fuck?!?! Why would Yoda let Obi-Wan train this kid who is supposed to save or destroy the universe. That’s not a very wise move if Obi has been a Knight for all of 30 seconds, is it? Why can’t he do it, or one of the, you know, Jedi Masters?
- This movie is bullshit.
Okay, so Phantom Menace wasn’t as good as… well, anyone outside of someone who has never heard of Star Wars expected. The story was lame, the magic was stripped, Anakin was more annoying than sympathetic and a distance lack of more Darth Maul action made for a generally bland film, but what about that Trade Federation, right, ehhhh. All kids love politics and embargoes and senate hearing and shit.
Join us next next week for Part 2
The above article is meant to poke fun at the Star Wars universe. It was also written at 3am during a food poisoned induced stupor. Star Wars is awesome, but let’s face it, Lucas is a crazy person.
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