The Following’s finale proves one thing, and it’s not the power of forgiveness, as the episodes title “Forgive” might suggest. Kevin Williamson redefined the horror genre with Scream, but a strong concept doesn’t always translate into multi-season intrigue on TV, or even enough to sustain one season. Season two’s finale had odd shifts in tone, hurrying to wrap up the many story lines they’d weakly established, and was shocking only because for a show so illogical, it ends on a fairly (lame) logical note. Following The Following since it began, it’s dawned on me, this might of worked better as ninety minute movie, not a show heading its third season.
But my thoughts on Fox’s slate of shows has never stopped them from having a crappy finales before, let’s say goodbye to The Following season two.
Taking a page from the Jenji Kohan playbook of faux suspenseful writing, if you don’t know how to start or end your episode, add more cliffhangers. Last weeks penultimate episode ended with a gunshot and Mike Westin’s life in the balance, if you were fearing for him, I’m sorry you spent any amount of time actually worried. Turns out Carroll shoots Pastor Tanner’s son Preston instead, an equally fine choice. While everyone in the church yells at Ryan to expose himself or else Mike gets it, even Hardy doesn’t believe them, answers a phone call from one of the Grey twins instead. They have Claire and if Hardy doesn’t bring them Carroll alive, Luke (or is it Mark?) will be wearing Claire’s skin as a mask this Halloween – quaint! Everyone’s threats are on par with schoolyard bullies.
After Hardy easily disarms all the wires, unlocking the church for the FBI, he exposes himself to Carroll punching out Don’t Call Me Fatty. Of course Hardy doesn’t get shot (or will even die at some point) when he’s got lives to save, cause like, redemption or something. Thankfully, Carroll quickly agrees to turn himself over to The Grey’s for Claire’s sake, and this is when the The Following stops being about a murderous cult and becomes the strangest spoof of 48 Hours you’ve ever seen.
Driving to recuse the perpetual damsel in distress, Joe lays on the exposition thick to Ryan, obviously foreshadowing an end to his confusing reign. The biggest problem with The Following is they’ve made this point, a shit ton. Joe and Ryan like each other because they’re the same but different, maybe Joe could of been helpful to Hardy if he consulted on crimes with him. Trying to set this up so late, it felt like a cheap attempt to hint at season three as some sort Hannibal crime procedural. Excuse me, I just had to laugh, this show has a lot of problems – depth, being the primary one. Reaching doesn’t even begin to cover it if this is the direction they’re intending on taking this. Yet, I digress.
So here we are, Hardy and Carroll make it to The Grey’s compound, cordially invited to dinner. If there’s one thing we know about dinner’s with the Grey’s, it’s that someone is usually dead the table. After finding Claire and getting gassed, the strangest love triangle of all time wakes up ducked taped to chairs.
Ding Ding, first course is getting vodka poured in your face like a tourist-y TJ nightclub, while The Grey’s play Russian Roulette with Claire’s skull. Carroll cracks wise throughout because, duh – he’s a hardened serial killer. We find out with Claire that Hardy revenge killed his Father’s murder, thanks to this, Hardy can live – but Mike and Max die. Good thing their road trip, meet-cute shows up in time to shoot through the window and ruin this mid-day, dinner party.
After a couple confusing chase scenes in the house, Max shoots Luke dead. Mike couldn’t close the deal, too busy whining on about how he’s the one who killed Lily, he’ll never forgive the Grey’s for killing his Dad. Basically, he could of shot and killed everyone in that house during the time of his pointless monologue.
And for a person who gets kidnapped and has to fight for her life on the regs, I don’t know how Claire is A, alive and B, still scared of Joe Carroll. She gets away from Luke, only to wind up in Carroll’s arms, shrieking the whole time. Hardy interrupts Carroll’s fairly sincere apology and goodbye to Claire, and like that, we’ve finally arrived at the moment every single main character from last season has been talking about all season; being put in a position to shoot Joe Carroll dead.
If you had any stake in Hardy and/or Claire killing Joe, forget them now. Hardy gets his moment in the sun, Joe even wants him to kill him – I suppose it’s better than getting blown up by the feds. But Hardy can’t, he’s a “good guy” – another theme talked at us that doesn’t mean anything to anyone, ever.
In the end, Mark and Luke Grey’s dead body are at large and Carroll is arrested. All for now, most likely. Oh yeah, Hardy and Claire don’t end up together – Joe Carroll, the ultimate cock blocker. Bye Claire, hope you manage to not have your life threatened or get kidnapped in the coming season! At least Max and Mike live long enough to finally effing kiss, amid all the tragic events surrounding them.
In the end, Hardy eats his celebratory Chinese take-out by himself (is Carrie Cook dead?) and goes to bed, woken up Godfather style. Except it isn’t a horses head, it’s Luke’s dead body. And it’s a dream. FART NOISE.
The last shot does connect to Hardy’s sweaty night terror, Mark trudges his twins dead body through the snow, getting into a waiting car with his corpse. But who’s behind the wheel? You’ll probably forget to care before the end of this sentence.
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