It’s like a little kid with progeria cracking all his ribs trying to catch a Nerf ball.
Look, are you really surprised that the iPhone X is imminently breakable? It’s almost like Apple hasn’t learned from all of those times people destroyed their phones doing stupid shit based on rumors started by 4Chan.
They’ve clearly just given up. Because, based on CNET’s drop test, it’ll probably explode in a light breeze. They dropped it from a height of 3 feet, and the first drop cracked the screen.
Further testing by SquareTrade reveals that the damned thing is super fragile. When dropped from a height of 6 feet onto its face, as might happen if you, say, dropped it while using it as a phone, made both its screen and much-vaunted facial recognition camera unresponsive. This thing is held together with the hopes of 3rd world children mixed into a paste with their tears. And it still costs $1000 MSRP. When broken, it’s probably cheaper to just replace it outright. Because Apple’s normal warranty doesn’t cover accidents; only AppleCare+ does, and you’re still gonna pay for it.
But not all hope is lost. My best friend’s uncle works for Apple, and he says they’re about to unveil a shadow feature of the iPhone X. It’s called Blend, and it allows you to charge your phone by sticking it in a blender and turning it on. Just a few quick pulses, and you’re back to 100% battery. Nifty, huh?
~Go ahead, I dare you to believe that.~
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