Part two of Samir and I’s binge-watch reviews of America’s Next Top Model.
Margaux: OMG NEW TITLE SEQUENCE! MAKEOVERS! SO MANY ANTM CHANGES!
Samir: Weren’t you glad you were here for the world premiere of that intro?!
Margaux: I’m happier that this bunch of girl and guys are more friendly to towards each other than last cycle – barring Starvin’ Marvin. At the start of “The Guy Who Gets a Beard Weave”, every single contest is partying and getting to know each other BUT Romeo. He’s too busy casting spelling in the darkness to banish everyone who isn’t apart of the competition for the “right reasons”. The best part, the editors MUST be in the joke because they accompany Romeo stewing with strangely upbeat, sitcom music. Fear not though, they are only spells for motivation but he needs help from props to make wooden bells. I’m becoming less scared of Romeo’s powers and leaning towards amused.
Samir: He uses it to justify his anti-social behavior. One question- why does such an accomplished learned Wiccan need to still read a guide to Witchcraft in his spare time? Shouldn’t he have moved on to more advanced material by now? Something more than a candle-lit pentagram under the backyard gazebo
Margaux: It does seem a little bush league for America’s Next Top Witch to be consulting “Witchcraft for Dummies”. Let’s get to the photoshoot, it’s supposed to have an optical illusion effect – which means lying on the ground and/or hanging on for dear life.
Samir: They will lie on their sides and the angle of the camera will make it look like they’re standing up IF the models model properly. Mindbending.
Margaux: Adam besmirched Romeo in his interview and then does poorly in his photoshoot – finally, Romeo is using his powers for good.
Samir: Strange how magically Tyra shifts our sympathies with the villains- Adam hates Romeo and vice versa. And we almost forgive them for that.
Margaux: Yu Tsai’s “direction” during the shoot isn’t so much “direction” as it is just him yelling how awful you look with no real way to correct it. Thanks bud, you’re real key to this show.
Samir: And now Mirjana may be taking lessons from Romeo, as she is cursing every man she starts sticking to. She’s moved on to Denzel now, and now he seems to be cursing Yu Tsai in anger for the frustrating “direction” being offered.
Margaux: Denzel’s anger is casting a real shit cloud over Kari and Keith’s champagne catered photoshoot break.
Samir: Yeah, loading them with alcohol before the shoot was a good idea for good TV. And for modeling.
Margaux: Aw Lennox, we ALL like watching the silly love triangle drama between Mirjana, Matthew, and Denzel too…
Samir: So glad Lenox agrees with us, her look is going to keep her and her sassiness around for a while I hope. Also, do you sense a little bromance brewing between Matthew and Will? Will feels rather deeply for Matthews pain in the Mirjana-triangle, and Matthew even admits that Will is beautiful.
Margaux: Matthew did say in the last episode that he’s not “attracted to many girls” and Will is prettier than most of the girls in the house…ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!
The Hunt for Makeover October in the Top Model house begins! An idea I don’t totally hate, Tyra creates a makeover scavenger hunt – only if you get the magical schears will you get to find out what makeover you get. Denzel finds the schears, finds out he’ll be getting a beard weave. He is oddly excited about it. Don’t know how I feel about it.
Corey makes a welcomed reappearance at the Ty-Over salon where Tyra drops the bomb of the day: “Ty-overs” and DNA testing?! Umm, I have no idea what’s happening anymore…
Samir: This is some next-level invasion of people’s private lives. How on earth will she make respectable use of these results that she can’t tell them about now? What hideous project has she envisioned?
Margaux Adam gets his hair buzzed off, looks infinitely better. Keith looks so good, he doesn’t even need a makeover. BOOM BOOM WHATTTT.
Samir Adam = a million times hotter now, but he didn’t get a personality makeover. When that happens, maybe we can talk about liking him.
Margaux: Love connection on the rise: Matt starts hitting on Will way more with Will’s new pomp haircut. I really hope something happens there, Matt AND Will both deserve a nice guy – like they both are!
Samir: Praise The Lord! This makes me have a crush on Matthew too, kudos to him for recognizing Will’s beauty- LOVE CONNECTION!!!
Margaux: FIRST FREAK OUT: KARI! Going all blond ain’t that fun. She does look very Children of the Corn. It’s…unfortunate.
Samir: Poor Kari, Tyra has ruined her, she is this seasons “Ty-over” murder victim, like that girl who got bleached eyebrows. Why would Tyra want to make a woman look like Donatella Versace???
Margaux: Denzel’s beard weave looks like my Abe Lincoln Halloween beard – doesn’t help it’s basically glued on.
Samir: Yeah there’s wasn’t any hair to lace it into! Milhouse wore the same Abe beard in that episode of The Simpsons where Ralph falls “choo-choo-chooses” Lisa.
Margaux: With makeover over, the house (yes, even Romeo) get supa dupa drunk. Cue the mistakes!
Mirjana and Denzel bang in the shower (?), get it you beard weave loving weirdos!
Samir: The after morning hangover sequence to woozy jazz is a nice touch.
Margaux: WHEE!!!!! YES MATT AND WILL KISSED!!!!!!
Samir: MATT KISSED WILL!!! WHERE IS THIS FOOTAGE? HOW MANY STRAIGHT KISSES HAVE WE SEEN ALREADY?? Matthew says he “stands for no labels”, there is hope yet, but he says he’s “investigating it.” This is an unexpected turn, and becomes a moment of Will’s identification with his struggle. This season has some more meaningful unexpected treasures I must say.
Margaux: I love that Matt said he got to “make out the prettiest girl in the house” while high fiving Will. TEAM MA-ILL!
Samir: Or WilMat? fingers crossed so hard I now have arthritis.
Margaux: Ha! Both are unfavorable – we’ll workshop it.
Samir: Oh dear, the fan webcam judgings, so awkward. A gay male fan now has expressed his lust for Matthew by being reduced to moans and groans in place of words.
Margaux: Honestly, where do these “fans” come from? The net is cast so wide – I almost miss parrot lady from last cycle.
Samir: Mirjana is “fiercely tired?” Says Tyra. But Chantelle is not.
Margaux: Honey, Mirjana looks high as fuck – not tired. She looks like fell asleep in a dried up fountain.
Samir: The optical illusion of Adams shot doesn’t even work, you have to turn your head to look at it. fail.
Margaux: Most of the photos turned out like that, save for Will and Lennox’s shots. Yu Tsai is the fucking worst.
Samir: Ha, Tyra is not so mesmerized by Keith’s manaconda to not call him out for dressing like he’s going to meet the parents.
Margaux: Miss Jay has resumed his trademark commentary, “I’ll give you an 8 if you take your hand out of pocket”.
Samir: WOW. Chantelle! I did not see that coming.
Margaux: Truly a shocker, Chantelle gets eliminated but I don’t doubt social media will bring her back to the competition in the end.
Samir: At least Kari didn’t suffer the indignity of getting the most abysmal, horrifying makeover and ten being eliminated the same day.
Margaux: It’s interesting to note this is the second person Tyra has “discovered” that didn’t work out. Last cycle’s Mike the Ice Cream Man and now vito ligo Chantelle, granted I think Chantelle has more potential than Mike did and Chantelle mostly suffered from poor direction from Yu Tsai. I feel like Tyra needs a social media timeout.
Overall, “The Guy Who Gets a Beard Weave” had everything; tears, hook-ups, and a shocking elimination…
Samir: 5 STARS!!!
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