If Samir and I ever write less than 2,000 words on America’s Next Top Model – so help us! Tyra welcomes the model-testants to Seoul, Kor-e-a! (That’s how TyTy says it) in this weeks episode, “The Guy Who Parties Too Hard”. It’s been a long two weeks, so let’s get to it! And don’t forget to tune in – or just subscribe! – to our podcast, We Were Rooting for You!
Samir: Gee I wonder who the “Guy Who Parties Too Hard” is, considering the big build up over two weeks to Tyra smellin’ alcohol on Adam’s breath. All the models are excited to go to Seoul, but Keith instantly starts the episode off talking about Adam. And his drinking.
Margaux: Even still, Adam makes his drinking and partying barely a secret but since he takes this competition seriously – could it be someone else (it’s not).
Samir: Shei certainly seems to respond to Adam’s charms, but he already looks drunk in his interviews for this episode.
Margaux: Shei is too good natured to take a random make out session with Adam – in the ANTM house confessional room – as anything more than what’s at face value. Could you imagine dating Adam? Bringing him home for Thanksgiving? He’d challenge your Grandma to beer pong.
Samir: Well if I invited him over for Thanksgiving, I’d probably serve only juice and cider out of fear that ANYONE would get too drunk and make the most of the holiday.
Margaux: Rut roh, I don’t like all this Realia talk about how much she wants to win ANTM – it’s always the kiss of death when the show focuses on that aspect of your personality. And that’s a shame because I feel like Realia is an honest to goodness great role model for young ladies. Which, being a “good role model for tweens”, used to be something important to this show – don’t think anyone is too concerned with that now though.
Samir: So the models get off the plane, into a shuttle, and head over to meet a K-pop boy band called BtoB? For a dance challenge, but they’re practicing the “Running Man” as if South Korea is fulfilling the stereotype of non-American countries catching up on to trends years too late. The Bs stand for something, but either way I keep thinking they’re “Back to Back.”
Margaux: At first glance, I thought it said Backstreet Boys. But the BtoB members are teaching the modeltestants to dance and they all look like Korean Justin Bieber.
So the seven that remain are split into two groups; Shei, Keith, and a drunk/jetlagged Adam. And Chantelle, Realia, Will and Lenox. Woof, being stuck with Chantelle seems….exhausting, girl is a pain in the ass.
Samir: Like the one she had herself in her first photo shoot that got her eliminated. But now, even Lenox doesn’t want her around, and she rarely expresses a strong opinion about anything that makes it into a finished episode. What everyone agrees on, again, is that Adam’s drinking is getting in the way of his performing. They are hanging onto this theme for dear life!
Margaux: Very little bring me as much joy as watching these contestants – basically set up to fail these challenges – dance around to a K-Pop song, while completely jetlagged. It was a forgone conclusion that Adam would totally fuck up the choreography, but his inverse running man (?) made it very clear he was not sober – how do you fuck up the running man? Even Lenox pulled it off.
Samir: Keith looks amazing during his dance, and though Lenox is “painful” to the sore-throated Yu-Tsai, whose voice is still as hopelessly gone as Kelly Cutrone’s usefulness. I actually thought Lenox was appropriate for the market she was in- cute and girly but edgy looking. But Raelia rocked it out, and Will, though he gets competitive and tries to outdo her, still is happy to see her win, because theirs is still the strongest relationship in the house. I hope they’re still friends after the show- Will still wants it to be just the two of them in the finals. And he seems genuine as Raelia wins the challenge, rather easily even though Chantelle was bizarrely praised for her not terribly impressive dance moves. Willia lives strong!
Margaux: Bummed out he got the lowest challenge score thus far in the season, Adam hits the bottle extra hard. He’s not doing much to make people think he doesn’t have a drinking problem, anyone who stays up until God knows when, while still jetlagged, drinking strange Korean booze, clearly has no chill. I think Adam affixing beer cans to his photo from the opening credit sequence is now the best photo Adam has now taken.
Samir: He has a beer in his confessional, he starts breakfast with a beer to a quizzical and concerned Will, who is told that “Water is bad for a hangover.” Well, only if you plan to stay drunk. Though Mythbusters did say that the best cure for a hangover was the hair of the dog. Since Adam is having nothing but that hair, he’s in a vicious cycle.
Margaux: Finally, a client! Their first shoot in Seoul is for high-end backpack brand, MCM. And like, no pressure you guys, the super sevre German CEO will be judging you loudly while you continue to try to figure out how to model. GOOD LUCK!
Samir, you’re right, this is Hunger Games – the ultra futuristic Korean backdrop only adds to it.
Samir: OMG, Tyra has decided to spread her wings further and has decided she will do the makeup for the shoot. And she is STILL wearing turbans! I love/hate when she gets stuck on these awful fashion themes. But let’s talk about this crazy luxury backpack line they’re selling. At least there’s an actual purpose to the shoot this time.
Margaux: First comment from MCM to Adam, “MCM is a new luxury brand, not a stuffy old one. We’re edgy, we’re for cool people.” That’s a real quote y’all. The MCM CEO is a like shitty Die Hard 2 villain.
Samir: Again, Yu-Tsai comes up with a more succinct and visual reference to describe what’s wrong with a model. He describes Adam, whose drinking is mentioned at least 10 more times in 5 minutes (including himself, as he’s “had a few beers” and can’t tell if he’s jumping and running or not), as “trying to eat ramen with one chopstick.”
Margaux: On the other hand, Will’s dancer ass totally nails it in the three shots. WERK GURL WERK.
Samir: Raelia is not doing that well though – Willia forever, you cannot go home RaeRae, we love you too much. She looks lost and confused during her shoot and doesn’t get good feedback. Normally there’d be a chance that the judges will think differently than the photographer, but Tyra is actually there, so that’s less possible now.
Keith is forced to carry and run with a stuffed animal, a puppy precisely? And he’s criticized for looking stupid? Is this what the new cool luxurious kids are taking to school these days, backpacks and fake puppies?
Margaux: Yes, Raelia is too sexy but making the dudes carry around a stuffed dog though – that’s the MCM, cool people image they want.
Yu Tsai makes a good point about Shei, she has great movement but she has got to find her light or else she’s gonna keep ending up with so-so photos.
Samir: Chantelle, according to Shei, has changed her hair and makeup AFTER TYRA made her up?! Now THAT’S stupid! Rejecting Tyra is usually another of the many kisses of death on this show! But perhaps Yu-Tsai shouldn’t call her a panda…
Margaux: Chantelle is sort of a control freak, it’s like once she figured out how to stand up for herself, she has to control every aspect of her life from here on out. Again, she’s a huge pain in the ass – or at least, that’s how she’s edited to look and her interview sessions don’t help us think she’s an approachable person. Sure, she’s pretty – but yous kind of a bish. It comes across in her photos too, she looks really stiff and upset – regardless of how you feel about Yu Tsai’s nickname for you, just shut up and work.
Samir: Well things are different when you‘re in the public eye, even ANTM, because normally we’d be pleased that someone takes control of their own life, but she’s acting like no one else is capable of it perhaps? I think there is a bit of jealousy, or survivor syndrome, uniting the rest of the cast against her, because Will, Shei, Raelia, Lenox, Keith and Adam have all suffered through the entirety of the season.
Margaux: I think Chantelle could be as big of an asshole as she wanted to if she offered anything to the world besides a pretty face that only sometimes delivers. That is my issue – you wanna be a Naomi type? Own it. And be good at you do, but until that day comes Chantelle honey, just limit your talking and interactions with others.
Samir: OMG, love the Blade Runner set for the judging. And Tyra has changed turbans AGAIN! Into a lime-green horror that matches her shoes. And somebody put some clever juice in Kelly’s coffee today- she’s in love with Lenox, and actually says something funny about Raelia’s lackadaisical photo.
Margaux: WHOOP HERE IT IS. The beginning of Tyra calling out Adam for possible drinking, even she knew there was something amiss on set that day but since he pulled out a decent shot – that Miss Jay accurately argues is the same damn face every week – gets a 9 outta Tyra.
Samir: Blue Suede Steel lives on! Kelly seemed like she was in a good mood, raving about Will as does everyone, including the social media voter who also decides to hold a stuffed animal in his li’l video. Miss J gives instant 10, and everyone follows suit. It is legitimately amazing, I think both Miss J and Kelly are on the same stuff tonight, even when they are wrong it’s funny- she says Chantelle looks like she’s “falling down the stairs.”
Margaux: I agree with Miss Jay, it looks like Chantelle has too much crap in her carry on bag – but Kelly is laying into Chantelle for all the shit I just said! HA! She doesn’t deliver consistently enough and has a turd face on set about it all the time. Even at panel! Chantelle’s attitude is gonna get her ass sent home, fingers crossed.
Samir: I love that Miss J tells her to leave the attitude at home, after he asks her if she changed her hair and makeup, and then says she didn’t. His disbelieving “mmhmm” says it all. Of course the models who have to live with her would prefer she take her attitude somewhere other than home to them.
Margaux: Keith wins best photo – and the campaign prize – and to celebrate, does the shimmy for Tyra. Ho’Boy. Tyra, you best watch out or you’ll end up accidentally getting some Manaconda too. WINKY FACE.
Samir: That’s surprising to me since no one was as excited about Keith’s photo as they were about Will’s. I think Will deserved that prize 🙁
Margaux: I think he did too – that picture is F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S. Like, one of my favorites from Top Model in general – I love me some Will, he just the best.
Samir: Tyra lays the smackdown on Adam’s drinking, but gives him a chance to NOT be a drunken fool. I knew it was a red herring, they built that up for two weeks and all episode-long, and then he stays on, and the bottom two is between Chantelle and Raelia, and Chantelle fucking stays! She’s had nothing but bad photos, hasn’t even tried her feet at runway yet, BUT Raelia who won the challenge this week is out?! The worst is yet to come without Raelia in our midst.
Margaux: RAELIA CANNOT GO! I AM ABOUT TO CRY – DON’T SPLIT UP WILLIA!!!!!!! MAMA TYRA, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. “Will, you better win, you hear me?” – let’s talk about class, Raelia has it in fucking spades. I am so sad to see her go, she was a real bright spot of the show, in looks and personality.
Samir: And I think it’s bullshit that she’s criticized for having no energy when she just traveled internationally for the first time, got right off a plane and went to work with no real experience of that ever. I suppose if it’s not an excuse for the others, it shouldn’t be for her either, but I’m still mad! And who are these idiots on social media who kept voting for her? It’s always her social media score that saves her. Hello – Vitiligo is NOT a fatal disease, can we stop acting like we’re supporting some great cause by keeping her on this show?
Margaux: We are mad as hell about this outcome! Talk about someone who was really deserving and just wanted to work hard to be successful – I know Raelia will end up doing great things, whether it’s still in modeling or not, remains to be seen. But Raelia, gurl, can we be best friends? You are my hero.
Samir: Enjoy your free time in Seoul Raelia, you’ll probably be hearing from a modeling agency soon I hope, since you no longer have to be tainted by your association with this show. Just remember – erase the majority of what these people told you and you’ll be fine. 4 stars, it was mightily entertaining, but the outcome was a bummer and the big tease over Adam amounted to nothing.
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