And then there were five…America’s Next Top Model gets into the final stretch in Friday’s episode “The Guy With The Moves Like Elvis”. Samir and I breakdown down all the drama and bad wigs here and, don’t forget to check out our podcast, We Were Rooting For You!
Samir: At least he doesn’t have moves like Jagger. Regardless of the title, a LOT happens before we get to the wet n’ wild intro.
Margaux: As predicted the remaining model-testants are relieved to be ridden of Chantelle. Safe to say they were not rooting for her – shameless plug!
But now that we’re down to the final five and naturally, we’re getting into the people’s sadder backstories – which only means this won’t well for them.
Samir: Truth be told, we never really heard from those who were rooting for her. They certainly vanished last week.
But now Shei is talking about her mom, we can safely say this bodes ill for her. I totally agree, the episode tries to trick us, but not really fooled here.
Margaux: ANTM starts off with Keith talking about his hard upbringing but then Shei starts talking about being raised by her single Mother and how she wants to win this for her. Anytime someone sets out to win this competition for someone else, they’ve basically voted themselves off the show.
Samir: Of course, when Miss J shows up to remind them how important it is to be good to win, duh, he tells them something many of us probably didn’t know about the modeling world until now- that being able to rock a scene in a South Korean soap opera is essential to Top Modelry. And the example they show is a S. Korean Grey’s Anatomy ripoff. How this translates to being America’s Next Top Model escapes me.
Margaux: Emergency Couple, it’s like the K-Pop soap opera was developed specially for Top Model.
In the scene they’re acting out, someone is Catfish-ing the other, in half Korean.
Samir: K-Soap P-opera? Will is again tasked with playing heterosexual with the totally cute and beautiful Korean actress. And he has to do it in a foreign language. This is not a success.
Margaux: And on top of that, Will gets shouted at to, “BUTCH IT UP!” – I can’t even imagine how you begin to handle that, on top of being an inexperienced actor. Most of the model’s totally bomb, unable to remember their lines. This pleases Adam, who thinks he’s gonna totally smash this challenge – and it’s hard to tell how any of them truly are doing with this ridiculous dialogue.
Samir: Oh yeah, he burned his script because he was so confident that he had memorized his lines and didn’t need the script anymore. I guess he didn’t plan on making any notes. Keith isn’t that great either, but he charms the panties off of his Korean costar with what he calls his alternate personality, what was that name?
Margaux: Poor Adam doesn’t understand how MOVING film works versus a still photo, he keeps swaying back and forth like he has to go pee. And in Adam’s mind, he’s trying to appear loose and less like a Stiffy-Doo, as Tyra called him last week. But again, this is the problem with this competition if you think about it too hard.
Samir: Less Stiffy-do and more Limber-do? It’s funny how all the models say exactly the same things about each other – “so-and-so keeps struggling.” Who knew mastering a foreign language would end disastrously for these people? Because it’s worked so well every other time they try it on this show?
Margaux: Keith’s scene was pretty uncomfortable, I thought Keith’s alter ego “K-Songz” (I’m assuming that’s a play on Trey Songz, v.orginal) was gonna bang that actress against all those love locks. He basically hits on the actress and won the whole challenge by flirting his way through it. Even Miss J calls out “Clara” for succoming to Keith’s charms and not really crowning him as the winner because he has any real acting talent.
Samir: At least “Clara” is genteel when trying to address why Will was not totally engaged with her in the scene. Will shares openly why this is, in private. “I don’t like girls!” Keith and Clara would be a hot date though, I hope he does take her out on the town. But it did seem like he won mainly because she gets the vapors every time he smiles at her or kisses her hand.
Margaux: Unfortunately, Shei feels it’s her task to take on Keith and dethrone him but, as anyone who’s watched ANTM regularly knows, this can only spell disaster for Shei. She desperately wants best photo, since she didn’t win the challenge this week, and she’s never won best photo – girl, don’t fly too close to the sun!
Samir: Yeah, 20 minutes in and we’ve heard about her desperation to win and her frustration, and seen her cry. No spoiler here, her elimination was foretold from the first minute of the show.
Thankfully, Tyra has decreed that the models must model as American icons Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley, introducing herself as a walking mashup called “Evilyn Presroe” and mixing together Marilyn’s baby voice with Elvis’ Tennessee twang. The competing personalities in her head are coming out more frequently now. These icons are still popular in the Gangnam district, so the models will endeavor to recreate images they could never hope to live up to.
Margaux: Every model has a specific photo they’re supposed emulate. Lenox gets Marilyn circa Seven Year Itch, Keith gets Elvis circa Jailhouse Rock, and Will sadly gets Elvis circa Vegas Bloat. I know they gave Will this era because of his dance background but frankly, whenever Will tries to incorporate dance into his photos, he gets Willie Hunch. Again, setting people up to play to their weaknesses.
Samir: Yeah, they want him to be more masculine, so they give him the rhinestone coated spandex Vegas Elvis? Did they expect this to work in any way? And the pose he had to recreate was terrible for a fashion shot too, it would never work. But it doesn’t look like they’re selling anything with this challenge, so no real rules apply.
Margaux: Watching Tyra coach Keith through his photo, over and over and over and over again, only adds to how infuriating Keith’s winning streak is. I know a lot of the photos are part luck but his seems so undeserving at this point. Keith has got the face but like most of these model-testants, doesn’t know what he’s doing with it. Points for looking a lot like Bruno Mars though?
Samir: Not loving you just the way you are today though buddy. Snoozeville. Will should have had this photo to recreate, I think it would have turned out much better. Dead in the face, dead in the face, Yu-Tsai screams and screams, but frankly he screams everything he says, so it’s still hard to pick out the useful bits from his “direction.” Tyra looks over it herself, which would lead us to believe that his photo will be less than stellar. Shei is not warming up to this challenge either, :(.
Margaux: The same problem has plagued Shei this whole cycle, she can pose her ass off but doesn’t always know where the light is or what her best angles are. On the other hand, Lenox is terrified (as usual) to embody sexy Marilyn but based on the glimpses we see of the shoot, she does a great job
Samir: I laughed when Tyra comes to her before the shoot to tell her “It’s really cold right now. And we’re going to blow wind on you. Are you okay?” Is there any response other than “yes I’m fine” that you would accept? Is there anything you can do to diminish the discomfort? If the answer to those questions are “no,” then “Yes, I’m fine.”
Margaux: And because Adam drinking is an ANTM first (more or less) we’re gonna beat the crap outta this dead horse. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the one-on-one conversation Tyra and Adam have while she does his make-up is actually a nice and honest one but – we get it. He effed up and now he’s not drinking as much anymore – lesson learned. I do think Tyra talking to Adam helped him nail this shoot, it’s a first – watching Adam’s shoot was a pleasure to watch, and not cause we’re laughing at him.
Samir: And he does show that he can loosen up without alcohol as he says, and seems right in his element throughout the shoot, with an interactive crowd to entertain. And he IS from Memphis, so he felt compelled to get this one right. He did have the easiest look to recreate, but he was legitimately the best at this challenge. UH-oh, Tyra’s not done shifting back and forth between personalities, and starts speaking in tongues for a moment before she comes back this plane of reality at panel. Her hair also looks very Cindy Crawford goes to Lilith Fair tonight too.
Margaux: High class mall hair – er, wig – is all I see on Tyra’s head.
Surprise! Adam doesn’t look like “personal trainer” in his photo this week and gets almost all 10’s – it also must be noted that Adam’s picture is one of the few that has a real connection to the extras in the background.
Samir: The only time Kelly is right all night, and vociferously insists that he deserves to make Memphis newspapers front pages. The rest of the evening she will be a demented guttersnipe about everyone else.
Margaux: Rut roh, first off Kelly calls Shei’s a picture “drunk, trailer trash” – basically – and Shei bursts into tears. This starts an argument between the judges and Kelly over her photo. Ugh so sick of Kelly.
And Will honey, not your best photo but considering the photo you had, you did your best.
Samir: She calls him out on instructing him, the dance instructor, on how to dance in the photo. Poor thing, but she still gives him a good score, despite his “Willy Hunch.” Lenox did have a good shot, and Kelly goes off the rails again. When Miss J says “well, if you wanna be nit-picky” she retorts that it is of course her responsibility as a judge on ANTM. Kelly, if Tyra could get better she would. I’m sure she gets bargain-basement rates for your presence as the PR maven.
Margaux: Keith’s photo is straight horrible so of course, Kelly says that it reminds her of Elvis. YOU MUST BE OUT YOUR DAMN MIND KELLY – YOU SHOULD BE FIRED.
Keith has dead, serial killer eyes in this picture – I mean, when you CAN see his eyes. Seriously, I want to burn this fucking picture – if only because Kelly gave it a 10, what a dumb ass bitch. Even Miss J bout to slap some sense in dis ho.
Samir: Yeah, her nit-picky eye saw perfection in this photo? Miss J literally lets out a high-pitched squeal of disbelief, a sound I made when I heard her give that score. And hold-up, there are 4 finalists?
Margaux: Guess so? But Tyra’s wording – just like the Seoul, Korea trip wording – can be tricky.
Adam frat-stomps up to Tyra, sort of scaring her, when he’s called first – winning best photo this week. Followed by fuckin’ Keith, basically saved by the challenge he “won”. I mean, he did everything on that challenge but whip out his manaconda.
Samir: Maybe he did, but it was off-camera. Either way it’s a triumvirate of testosterone in the winner’s circle, leaving a bottom two of Shei and Lenox. Friday night is ladies’ night.
Margaux: Hahahaha, ladies only bottom two!
Bye-Bye Shei! We liked you…after we started committing your name to memory.
Samir: But as Tyra reminds her, she books go-sees, she still has a career outside of the show. Less encouragingly, she also threatens to spy on Shei like in that creepy song by “The Police” that people stupidly misconstrue as a couples’ song; all to make sure she never changes her hair. But, will you let her make her eyebrows the same color at least?
Out of fear, I’m sure Shei will keep rocking the dual eyebrows, best to not upset the Tyra Gods by ya know, doing what makes you more comfortable.
So, this is an interesting final four – three guys and one girl, could this be the cycle won by a dude? Probably. Tyra made it no secret last cycle how much she wished Starvin’ Marvin was a better model and couldn’t give him the title in good conscience.
Samir: Even her least modeltastic personality couldn’t agree to that travesty, but it kept him in the game for far too long. I definitely think this cycle of ANTM is a man’s world. Tyra wants someone she can mold and play with after the show is over. She needs a Ken doll to her Barbie.
Margaux: Would makes sense that after years of experimenting on her personal collection of Barbie dolls (I’m sure that’s the sequel Tyra had planned for Life-Sized) she has grown tired of it. But it’s just funny that this is the cycle she chooses to have a guy win, what with her Smize line coming out soon and all.
Samir: YES! As we surmised when we found out about that make-up line, the preview for next week shows her exploiting the contestants for free labor in promoting her product. Can’t wait. As for this week, the surprise of Adam being so good for once is a big boost, but Kelly’s idiocy and Shei going home made me sad, so I say 4 stars.
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