Causing bloodcurdling screams and free flowing tears is what America’s Next Top Model does best. Join Samir and I for this week’s review of, “The Girl With The BloodCurdling Scream”. And if for even more Top Model talk, check out our weekly podcast, We Were Rooting For You! or subscribe to us on iTunes.
Samir: Tyra Turban?? I keep forgetting about that. She’s still obsessed with that fortune teller look from her DNA genealogy revelation, even though she’s reading predetermined results, not the future.
Margaux: Tyra’s turban surely has everything to do with them going Seoul, Korea. Just like it’s no surprise that Chantelle wins the coveted spot back in the competition.
Samir: Naturally. Oh damn, there’s another challenge because there is only 7 tickets for them less one to go Seoul. So basically Tyra brought someone back just so she could glean joy from sending an extra person home right away.
Margaux: Production cannot afford to take all of you therefore you must fight model, to the death. If only Top Model started to embrace a more Hunger Games format.
Samir:I used to joke, throughout the first years of ANTM, that panel looked like some futuristic spacecraft and that every elimination looked like Tyra would would announce that there is only enough food and oxygen for 7 of you, the rest of you will travel on, and the eliminated model will be jettisoned into the sun, let us never speak of her again … and now it’s really true.
Margaux: I know Will won best photo but still found it super funny that they blocked out Realia’s face with “fierce” comments. But Will gets the last laugh when he says, “bye Denzel, guess you got some things to explain to your friends”. Ha, yeah Denzel – I’d love to hear you now.
Samir: I guess he will learn fast how to explain it now, since he’ll have to for reals.
Margaux: Denzel also leaves behind a forlorn Mirjana, who cries into the camera, saying she no longer has “a glow” with Denzel out of the house. Welp, guess we know who just sealed their own fate.
Samir: And the other models are out for blood now that they know Chantelle might take one of their tix to Seoul, but the best models hangin out moment is when Adam displays his tumbling skills on the front lawn and faceplants on the grass. But I especially love the photo shoot challenge. In the dark, in an abandoned slaughterhouse turned into a wanton haunted house tour, giving “fierce face” with the only clue as to where the camera is being the flash of the first shot. All just in time for Halloween, for the photog in his glow-in-the-dark skeleton tshirt?
Margaux: Yep, because you’re supposed to look directly at Mark the Cobra Snake in light. Oddly enough, once the lights go out, Realia drops to ground and starts to pray. And we learn of Chantelle’s cliche fear of the dark. Turns out scary things that go bump in the night are waiting for the models and at the end of it, they have to strike a pose. With only Yu Tsai’s screams to guide you. PS: WHAT THE HELL IS YU TSAI WEARING?! A half shirt and scarf? Are they combined?!
Samir: So haunted house precursor to the photo test tells us what exactly? How they hold their composure in stressful situations, because their futures of success in modeling will contain ridiculous moments like this one?
Margaux: Adam’s “strategy” was to SCARE THE MONSTERS. He says, with a complete straight face before he starts STOMPING AND BARKING at the actors, paid to scare him, and who do not how to react. I have never laughed so damn hard in my life, I also think I finally get why Adam is in the top 3% of partiers.
Samir: Most deal with the setting well enough, Lenox seems mortified and crippled by fear already, Adam should’ve taught her his strategy. 20 minutes in, and he’s given us two golden moments. Why did we ever want him to leave?
Margaux: Fresh off not being so warmly welcomed back, Chantelle wins the challenge. And honestly, her photo was a’ight. But then again, all the photos were pretty awful. And it was expected, only the models seem surprised.
Samir: Well of course, the challenge was awful from conception, so naturally none of the product would have been worth screentime. But a thought just occurred to me- the possibility that Mirjana would return home earlier? Raelia notices she’s being a lot sweeter without Denzel around hmm, guess that letter to her boyfriend is getting longer everyday, hopefully she can deliver it in person after this episode. And when does Will hug Mirjana as she tells his mother??
Margaux: Will, being last weeks winner and all, recieves his Tyra Treat in the form of his parents showing up. It was so cute, Will looks so much like his Mom! Oh and when he discusses with his Dad, who he came out only two years ago, finds out Will wore his six inch heels. He has a heart warming reacting, taking pride in how effing tall Will is in heels. It was sweet. It’s been so refreshing to see Will come into his own on this show, seeing him with his parents was like the cherry on top.
Samir: Only in the world of reality TV would a visit from your parents be a prize you have to win, as opposed to something a production just does for the people whom they have cut off from the outside world. Granted it is easier for the Stockholm Syndrome to set in without this sensitive position, but at least Will got to have a nice moment on camera with his family. And now we transition to HIV/AIDS.
Margaux: SO SMOOTH. It’s like arriving to a baby shower with a book on SIDS.
But the overall message of today’s photo challenge is, “no glove, no love”. Because we’re in the 90s. And this shoot enables the last thing I’ve ever wanted to hear, Lenox explaining the benefits of condoms to me.
I feel just as awkward as she probably does everyday.
Samir: Plus, how does she even know anything about them, since she’s so terrified of sexuality? But she WERKS her photo shoot, and Tyra notices some people are showing how much they want go to Seoul. Duh, I want that trip too, if the cost of a ticket is following your orders for one more day and working some flowing feathery fringe as a symbol of using prophylactics, then fine.
Margaux: Mirjana totally messes up her photo shoot, finally proving once and for all, she cannot model. She looked like lost puppy up there, with dumb feathers she didn’t know what to do with. And another misnomer, Chantelle having a hard time getting her “shot” after overhearing some ladies bitching about her sourpuss attitude. Move over Mirjana, we’ve got a new Grumpy Cat. Just like the The Walking Dead can only have so many African-American characters on their show before they kill another one off, I see the same happening to Mirjana.
Samir: This time its because she doesn’t like living with other people. I get that the fishbowl atmosphere is not conducive to bringing out the best in people, but that doesn’t fully explain an all-around bad attitude. Meanwhile Yu Tsai compares photographing Keith to “biting into dumpling and finding there’s no filling.” Perhaps Kelly should take lessons in succinct analogies to describe people from Yu Tsai. He’s right though, Keith’s featherwork needs some improvement.
Margaux: When Adam is called up he, of course, jumps onto the raised platform – ready to model. Yu Tsai basically expects it, sort of resigned to his frat brah tendencies. And I’ve gotta say, Adam is on a fucking roll. Like, jokes-wise and modeling. Yu Tsai and the photographer yell at Keith to pay attention to Adam’s movements. Looks like Adam is bigger competition than Keith might’ve thought.
Samir: And he’s so in his element as he says when he’s shirtless, he even thinks his bod is distracting Tyra from the manaconda. If the theme is loving yourself by protecting yourself, Adam’s self-view will come in mighty handy.
Margaux: And Mirjana is so bored, she instigates more drama, but in a less overtly bitchy way. She tattles on Lenox about some passing bullshit to Chantelle and then there’s a 5 minute fight about practically nothing. Ladies, leave the catfights to ANY Real Housewives franchise, okay? Stay in your lane.
Samir: This seems to reflect poorly on Lenox at first for spreading a story, but it comes back to bite Chantelle in the butt in the judging, because her inability to cohabit with others due to bullying etc growing up also makes her seem just de-energized and over other people in general. Ever since Yaya in Cycle 3, we have know how little Tyra likes an impersonal top model.
Margaux: Oh boo effin’ urns dude. Cheer up, you’re pretty. Everyone has gone through shit, the more you use it as it a crutch, the longer it’ll take it you leave it. Grow up.
Anyway, Adam is 3 for 3 on jokes, HE gets to name his own modeling move to add to the Tyra lexicon, “Blue Suede Steel”.
Samir: Since the theme actually was loving yourself, Adam truly was made for it.
Margaux: LOL ALL THESE PEOPLE WANT TO BE MODELS, NO ONE EVEN LIKES THEMSELVES.
Regardless, everyone’s emotional issues are always bound to get rehashed at panel. Kelly sucks so much at giving scores, Tyra has to make up for her in Shei’s score by giving her her first ten. Rebirth of Raelia seems to be on hold this week, sadly. We did get lots of talk about her family and supporting them in the future. Luckily, she doesn’t get eliminated for it.
Samir: Seriously, Kelly is like those incompetents we’ve all known who aren’t really qualified for their jobs and make up for it by over-harping on miniscule crap that only they seem to notice. She was both overly specific and overly general, but her comments were 100% useless. I love that Raelia calls out the social media comments; “She came for me” and Raelia came right back. Please don’t go home Raelia.
Margaux: Chantelle comes back and wins it all this week, including best photo and obviously, a spot to Korea. Followed up by Shei, who is coming for Chantelle, so to speak.
Samir: Shei should’ve won that hands down, but we’re one step closer to Mirjana going home??? For a moment there when Tyra addressed them with the question, “Why should one of you stay?” she was going to allow them to speak, but no. She just kept going, and the verdict of social media is……
Margaux: Raelia, by landslide, she had a good couple points on Mirjana. And Mirjana, I disagree with you, especially going through your good-bye photo montage, you leaving doesn’t have much to do with Denzel getting axed as much as you’re kind of boring. When you’re not opening your mouth and being rachet.
Samir: Miss J’s reaction to her photo said it all right away, and thank goodness TyTy’s turban gave me super fortune teller powers to predict my desired outcome. Overall the episode seemed low on incident despite all the activity, as well as the laborious and convoluted comeback process this cycle. Mirjana going home and Adam’s antics raised this episode to 4 stars. Though wisely the source of his powers, alcohol, appears to be a central issue once they get to Korea according to the preview of next week with Tyra smelling his breath. Does he have a problem or just living his frat bro lifestyle too far past it’s expiration date?
Margaux: Hmm, I’d venture to say Adam is a little from column A and little from column B. Guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out what Tyra does after she smells alcohol on Adam’s breath. Four shiny stars for “The Girl With The Bloodcurdling Scream”.
See you all next week for another episode of America’s Next Top Model.
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