Previously eliminated modeltestants come back from the dead to shout their way back onto America’s Next Top Model, but like most things, there can only be one. Luckily there are two of us to tackle all that unfolds this week with “The Guy or Girl Who Came Back”.
Samir: Favorite picture of the season! Way to go Lacey – the rivalry between Mamé and Lacey is heating up, so much so that Lacey worries people are starting to get sick of her winning, which makes Tyra’s self-absorbed #TyTyTip to resist the influence of jealous haters actually useful, which is probably why Lacey saw it alone. BTW, did you know Hadassah grew up wealthy and ended up poor? I think they’re trying to trick us with her edit.
Margaux: There’s more than one tricky, possibly-going-home-edit this week, Justin. He begins the episode talking about his family’s struggle to accept his choice of going into modeling and not a stereotypical Asian-American route of doctor or some other non-model profession. But is this Justin’s week to go home, only to be replaced by a previously eliminated modeltestant? We know Justin’s time on ANTM is most likely running out. But who really cares about forgettable Justin when we’ve got GO SEES!
Samir: Cue Devin talking about his experience with 6 agencies, and how he’s going to kill this. As he screams “Next!” drunkenly making his way back up the stairs after the Tyra mail, I thought he’s probably heard that a lot.
Margaux: Who knew Devin had such a sense of humor about himself…
Samir: But the surprise is that this time around, the remaining models are paired up with the eliminated contestants, per their choice. Bello ominously warns us “I’m baaaaack” just terrifying- “I bet you didn’t expect to see me again so soon.” Actually I had hoped we wouldn’t see you again so soon, don’t get it twisted. And of course he’s the last chosen, after his hug-snub last episode when he was eliminated. Are you really surprised Hadassah wants to distance herself? The closeness of TV is too much for me and she has to share a house with you. But why does Nyle choose that girl I forgot was ever here?
Margaux: Probably for the same reason that Hadassah avoids Bello, just not worth the drama.
Samir: And to have someone less successful around you to make you look better.
Margaux: Which is why the trashcan fire duo of Bello and Devin is a double negative, basically cancelling themselves out of the mini-challenge. Neither of you are coming back and/or staying on this show, but hopefully they’ll provide more laughs while we’re forced to spend time with them. And they waste no time on delivering that; they show up to the same go-see as Hadassah and Ava and decide to not wait, after a lot of panic, shouting and general confusion. When they get outside, they’re instantly turned around and lost, Bello uses his broken Spanish to get directions much to Devin’s very childlike delight- he’s definitely the type of person who’s distracted by shiny objects. So much for that “amazing GPS” Kelly raved about on the Poop phone.
Samir: Apparently Tyra is so hard up for designers for the Go-See episode that she has to scrape through the meager, bottom-of-the-barrel contacts of one of Kelly Cutrone’s former miserable People’s Revolution employees “Emily” something-or-other who represents Idah Cohan. Of course she sabotages Lacey with a gown that drags on the floor and gives every other girl a dress without train. The way she talks through her teeth is highly irritating to me. In addition to her general demeanor and personality.
Margaux: Just like there’s always ONE designer who is clearly doing someone a favor, do note that Idah Cohan couldn’t be personally bothered to show up, hence IRL Emily (you know, the glum cartoon girl of Hot Topic fame). Conversely there’s always one modeltestant who feels it’s hugely important to attend e-v-e-r-y go-see and cut it a little too close, and this time around the model under delusions about how horrible LA really is Mamé – who paired herself with Courtney to avoid certain death by Bello.
Samir: I have always thought this lesson about punctuality with the precise time limit for go-sees in a city that’s impossible to navigate quickly was arbitrary at best. Like, how important is it that the modeltestants make it back to the office to listen to you earn your paycheck by reading back the designers’ comments with a snotty attitude that Morticia Addams wouldn’t find appealing, dear Kelly? I would think it’s more important that a model was appealing to a variety of craptacular designers in LA than being 10 minutes late to meet with your sour personality? It looks like it pains her to say people did well when she wants to bitch at them. But I was not surprised that Bello booked nothing, after the NEXT Model Management guy warned him about his attitude as he ran out the door before the challenge started.
Margaux: Gosh, Kelly seems so happy with herself when she gets to tell Mamé that she should of won this challenge, but due to tardiness, Kelly gets to “take it away” from her, making Hadassah the winner this week, booking 3 out of 4 go-sees. Um, so, what the hell was up with the troll dude from NEXT’s collar?! He looked like he was either coming back or going to a Alice in Wonderland cosplay night. He’s playing the rabbit with the pocketwatch. Obvi.
Samir: I thought he was a client of the Millionaire Matchmaker, but he’s not a millionaire so he couldn’t be. And what exactly did he do here today? Arrange go-sees with a guy who makes spandex drop-crotch harem pant-clam diggers in neon zebra prints for men? Why would any of them want to model for him??
Margaux: MY EYES CAN NEVER UNSEE THOSE HIDEOUS HAREM PANTS. Even Lisa Frank wouldn’t put a neon panda bear in those.
Samir: Is it just me or are they overpraising Hadassah this episode? How was it determined she was the best next to Mamé at the go-sees and win the challenge by default? And then the main challenge, the “People look like their dogs” photo shoot, they go gaga over her good but not brilliant shoot. And how many times does Yu-Tsai have to ask Nyle how to signify he’s yelling/screaming without words? I’m sure the bulging veins in your neck and you’re mouth stretched wide enough to receive three porn-star dicks tells him you’re yelling.
Margaux: And overpraising Dustin. This is the same kid they were upset with for…smiling, and getting giggle nerves. Keep in mind, he’s eighteen, but still – what could he have learned while not being on the show? If we’re still using Yu Tsai as our barometer on the photo shoot challenges on what the judges might be thinking at panel this week, he sealed Dustin’s fate by saying his shoot “earned him a spot back on the show”. And giving Justin the trademark Yu Tsai burn of the week, “I’m in the fetal position…I’m going to need to be reborn to shoot you”. If Devin weren’t so across the board terrible, it’d be easy to see who’s going home. Sorry J-So-Smooth-You’re-Forgettable.
Samir: Justin seems to have the loser edit big time this week. He looked asleep! I actually liked Dustin’s photo, he does have gorgeous bone structure. Stefano did really well too. Most of the eliminated models actually came up with great photos. Ava was doing quite well, but then used the fact that she “doesn’t really drink tea” as an excuse for not understanding the direction to stop covering her face with the teacup. Devin is paired with a Chinese-crested, naturally- crazy lookin’ dog, with a crazy ass Devin. He gets great wardrobe for the photo, but this was def a match made in heaven/hell; his expressions were priceless. In terms of camp naturally, not to sell any kind of product or article of clothing.
Margaux: By and large, they did a good job of pairing the models their corresponding dog, but we’re going to have to agree to disagree about Stefano, I’d rather see Bello come back, if only to have the wondrous return of his Elizabethan man-bun. I mean, Bello wasn’t even back in the house 2 hours before he’s shouting at Hadassah in the hot tub about “friendship”.
Samir: His buzzword this episode was “passion” he was a jerk at the modeling agency because he’s passionate, which he knows he wasn’t showing before. He yells at Hadassah for sensibly cutting herself off from his noxious influence, because he’s “passionate” about their friendship. So passionate that he gave her the “I just can’t” brush off when she tried to hug him after his elimination.
Margaux: Well if Justin and Bello are getting the “on your way out” edit, Hadassah is getting the “comeback kid” cut. Between her winning the mini challenge, getting positive feedback from Yu Tsai on set, she gets more praise at the judges panel. Kelly thinks Hadassah’s photo accurately convinces her that Hadassah is having “tea in France” with the show poodle, Norma Jean. Really, Kelly? The three-quarters fake wall and empty 99 Cent Store tea cups give you the impression of being in Paris? Thank GAWD Miss J eventually puts Kelly in her place during Mamé’s photo critique; Kelly gets “Paris, France” from Hadassah, but somehow misses the HUGE BDSM vibes from Mamé. Go on and sit down, honey.
Samir: And Mikey’s “mouth was not that happening” so Kelly is over the FL billy boy now. But really none of these photos could ever equal the symmetry of Oprah’s cover of O! Magazine all those years ago where she matched her outfit to the head of a horse. Nonetheless, Ava’s photo better captures that Paris tea shop vibe than Hadassah’s did. I think we can ALL agree that Nyle’s photo would make a legit HOT ad that could sell anything from that suit to the dog to some exotic fragrance, to the rug he’s sitting on. I wouldn’t only have stopped on that page in a magazine as Nikki Minaj might say, I would have straight up cut it out of the magazine and put it on the cover of my math book in high school.
Margaux: Nyle’s threat status went WAY up with that photo, I mean…what was there not to like and/or buy. When he stepped on set in the suit, he looked beyond fine, so it’s not total shock that the final product ended up photo of the week. Apparently even Tyra’s mom would buy what Nyle’s selling.
By comparison, it was a depressing, sharp turn to have to sit through the eliminated modeltestant critiques, because we knew based on things went on-set with Yu Tsai that it’d come down to Stefano and Dustin, the spot ultimately going to Dustin. At least now Stefano can go cut that horrid mop off his head.
Samir: You know how in Mortal Kombat and other video games you have a “power” meter, so like when you bang a hooker and kill her and take your money back in Grand Theft Auto, your health/power goes up? I think Tyra’s was running low, so she had to break the hearts of the eliminated modeltestans one by one to feed off their disappointment and build up her strength for the trip to Vegas? A place you can hop on a bus to get to is their new fashion destination??
Margaux: It almost doesn’t register that ANTM is prepping us for the travel portion of the show when Tyra reveals that they’re going to….
…Vegas. They aren’t even changing time zones OR getting on a plane. At this point, it’d be more interesting to watch the models get on a Greyhound bus than “sending” them to Vegas. You’re in LA, it’s like, a three hour drive. Remember when you guys used to go to Italy and Greece? Hell, you went to Korea last year!
Samir: None of those countries will approve her travel Visa after those sojourns through their lands. Plus the budget probably isn’t what it used to be. The post-production work on Tyra’s boyfriend’s photographs must put a significant dent in the show’s pocketbook.
Margaux: I hate when they end on a “cliffhanger”; who’ll go home? Devin or Justin? Quite frankly, I don’t care – send ‘em both home. There, done.
You wanna talk stars?
Samir: Well at least there will be more room on the bus for their bags that way. I give a hearty 4.5 stars: I always live for the go-sees, but because Tyra decided to dispense with an actual conclusion to the episode, I have to knock a half star off. Let’s not play this tiresome game. But maybe she didn’t want to overdose on pseudo-model tears this week. A girl’s gotta pace herself.
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