Do the remaining modeltestants of America’s Next Top Model have it in them to make a six second STEM PSA and convey a lifeless doll named in true TyTy fashion? Catch up on “The Girl Who Got All Dolled Up” with us.
Samir: Two weeks in a row where the title pertains to the subject of the episode. Way to go! Lacey the virgin’s TyTyTip to chew on while lounging in the Tyra suite is to try not to look sleazy when trying to look sexy. And Devin follows this up with his talk about heeding the advice of Tyra to basically not be Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura when he’s supposed to be modeling. Good luck with that.
Margaux: Lacey is starting to feel “those beady little eyes” on her, it is her second time gracing the nightmare inducing Tyra suite. And those beady eyes she’s referring to are an accurate description of Devin, Bello, and Mikey’s creepy, dead eyes watching her catwalk her way to the top three.
Samir: But I do love how the Bello keeps his hair dry with the Elizabethan bun on his head while in the jacuzzi. He then drops another kiss of death-”I’m not here to make friends.” He hasn’t talked about missing his family yet though, so there’s still a glimmer of hope for him to move through this week. Since we started with Devin’s worries and Courtney’s rejection from the poisoned remnants of DMA
Margaux: It was sort of sad how badly Courtney wants to be the C in the what would-be the newly reformed DMC. She seems pretty lost, and she has been in the bottom two already, but I don’t detect a whiff of the dreaded ‘loser edit’. Yet.
But onto the mini challenge! It’s about that time in the cycle where Tyra foists the models into a PSA they have no right to speak on.
Samir: Wait, it appears Tyra recycled her jumpsuit from last challenge to introduce the mini-challenge! That stupid highlighter yellow floatie shoulder pad is back! But really, models in a classroom? They don’t know what that lab equipment is for. This is not America’s Most Smartest Model-no, it’s for a Vine challenge. Because Tyra wants to talk about the gender inequality inherent in STEM, (Science, Tech, Engineering, and Model-I mean Math jobs). These jobs attract “MONEY, POWER, and RESPECT,” and what better and more respectful way to speak to that than with a 6 second video produced by amateur models. And to help them is a “Vine star” to make it really meaningful. Filmed on their Oppo phones.
Margaux: You mean the entire theme for the videos are tone deaf? On America’s Next Top Model?! SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHOCKING.
Since Money, Power, and Respect are de facto team names, decided by literally picking colored popsicle sticks, Team Power: Bello, Courtney, and Devin alternately have a terrible vibe AND concept, bullying Courtney into…power? Naturally, Bello, who complains from the jump at being paired with the “weaker” Courtney and Devin, ends up deleting their six second video “by accident” when they only have a few minutes left to complete the mini challenge. I’d say it’s no big deal, the video is only six fuckin’ seconds long, but these three don’t scream MENSA member. Correct me if I’m wrong.
Samir: Geena Davis they are not, no. They were given an hour to put together a six second video, with minimal camera set-ups (since they’re using a smart-phone). IF it’s already written and their meager props and story all together, do they really need more than a few minutes to put this shit together? It looked like Courtney was actually doing well with her takes, until Bello mistakenly deleted their video from his phone. Clearly these are the best representatives for STEM importance, because Courtney leaves thinking she sunk the challenge for her team and didn’t look like her fault to me.
Margaux: Well, Bello and Devin don’t come across the type to be willing to share blame or fault for anything; between Devin’s delusional of being 21 years old AND signed to six agencies, and Bello thinking he’s given up more than anyone to be on America’s Next Top Model therefore more deserving than anyone- Courtney was always going to be the scapegoat there, sadly.
Thankfully, the poor tweens subjected to watching, judging, and ultimately, crowning the “winner(s)” of the mini challenge, provided some pretty spot on comments on each other groups. The egregious error of not awarding Team Money (Lacey, Nyle and Justin) with the win, notwithstanding.
Samir: Maybe it’s just my Nyle-love talking, but I thought Team Money, with him and Lacey, worked best at least referencing the message in their Vine. Team Respect didn’t really do that but appealed to the younglings best, which is shocking since it has a man who looks like you’d be taught as a child to run from if he offered you candy. But Mikey, Hadassah and Mamé are the winners.
Margaux: It was a risk for Team Money to a silent Vine, it would went over well with an all adults audience, but the kids do like the lolz.
Samir: Nyle drama over the house not communicating with him was miraculously not solved after one night in the last episode, and Courtney’s b-day party for/apology to Devin leads to Devin’s self-absorption-caused stealing of Nyle’s one communicative tool-his phone-to take drunken selfies. When everyone realizes they’re cutting him off literally, Devin tries to say “I was talking to him” HE’S DEAF!! If you speak to him with your mouth from across the room, he doesn’t hear you!
Margaux: It was particularly offensive when Devin literally shouted at Nyle, his “way” of incorporating the Devin version of “sign language”, which only shows us moreso how incapable Devin is at changing or taking in any sort of feedback, negative or positive.
And Devin, you lying little bitch, IN WHAT WORLD ARE YOU TURNING 22?! Child, please.
I digress, we have more fun, Life Sized inspired fish to fry.
Samir: DOLLS! The main challenge they are dolls, something we saw in previous seasons (like when the Brits Vs Yanks season had them posing with Tyra’s perfume), but this time Tyra took it as a chance to talk about her performance in Life-Size and show off how to pose in a box. All the dolls are named by her of course, so they get titles like “Boom Boom Bon Voyage,” “H2 Teed Up!” and “Fierce Fashionista.” Is there an “Extra in a Rob Zombie Movie” doll for Mikey to pose as? Nyle rocks it, taking to heart Tyra’s precise advice on how to pose as a doll (“Eyes follow the body” was actually a very useful tip!) and Hadassah uses her obsession with collecting dolls to good effect. She owns over 300 and clearly has a rich well of visual references. Bizarrely, in playing an inanimate, thoughtless object, Yu-Tsai claims he got to her inner beauty, as opposed to the surface beauty he usually gets from her. By focusing on the surface you plumb the models’ depth in ModelLand.
Margaux: Courtney may not understand or know what a Fierce Fashionista is, but Yu Tsai can barely say it, so let’s just all take a step back and realize that all these words are fuckin’ made up and none of this matters. Kinda like sports!
I mean really, if anyone can explain to me what the hell a Savage Smize – Mikey’s doll persona – is please let me know. Because it sounds like Tyra’s next men’s cologne.
Samir: I’d buy it, by which I mean I’d steal it from Ross if it was available. Why is Bello growling like a dog to channel the ugly Brit punk doll?
Margaux: Because no one know what the hell the names of their dolls mean. Clearly, Devin is not a golf man, which surprises no one. Yu Tsai got a good burn on him in too, “hope you’re here next week!”. Bye bitch.
Samir: Yu-Tsai is less than impressed with Devin this week, proving that a sliver of reality can break through the protective shell Tyra’s built around these people.
Margaux: If only to confirm/give the sense that the end of Devin is nigh, and probably also Courtney, it’s a DOUBLE ELIMINATION this week! I LIVE FOR THIS.
Why I am happily unsurprised that Nyle looks like a Ken doll in his final photo. YES SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER.
Samir: And another and another. Is that doll for sale? I wouldn’t say no to Total Package: Life-Size, The Sequel starring Nyle. Mikey’s doll looks like a life-size collectible for the movie Deliverance. But I have to wonder if all the photos Hadassah took really left only that lost in the headlights one we saw? And a real LOL moment, Tyra wanted to see “nothing” coming out of Devin, echoing my sentiments exactly. But it is strange and appropriate that she would come up with a challenge where she did not want to see “human” from her contestants.
Margaux: Of course Lacey totally kills her photo, her bandage dress even gave you the impression of it was made of rubber. Her and Nyle are definitely the Barbie and Ken of this competition, and also, life. Probably. I don’t know what they’re up to nowadays.
Samir: You could tell in the shoot that she was slaying the children with her TyTy Tooch doll-everything was working in her favor tonight. And just like it should be, the real Team Power was Nyle and Lacey. She wins again, and Nyle plays runner-up again. I hope she invites him into the Tyra suite.
Margaux: Team Power had the loser edit looming over them all episode, so it’s only full circle storytelling that these three suckers are in the bottom this week. DBC for not very long!
And the axe comes down on “tablet model” Courtney. I feel bad for this little doe from Avon Lake, but she’ll makes better use of her time caring for her disabled brother than getting her spirit broken every day on this show.
Samir: Once we saw that little feature on her family outside the TyTy bubble, we knew she had to be going home. BTW, Justin was wearing short shorts during the judging, and we still didn’t notice him. Yet Bello gets the other axe, coming down to him and Devin in the bottom bottom. Good riddance, with his Gloria Swanson turban, and fortune-teller hair. And THEN he says “I can’t” when the group tries to hug him. I can’t either, don’t worry Gloria. But he did mention the comeback??? And go-sees are next week! Hmmm, my Tyra sense is tingling.
Margaux: It’s like a fuckin’ double rainbow next week – it’s go sees AND the comeback elimination! And of course next week is the week ANTM moves to Friday, why must you make us wait so long?!
Wanna talk stars? I’m feeling 4.5 stars, there was no shortage of drama in “The Girl Who Got All Dolled Up”, but I want to see Bello come back next week and turn Hadassah into a skin suit for himself to slip back onto the show. Can we do three straight weeks of five stars? Because I already know next week is going to be a five star episode.
Samir: I’m feeling 4.5 stars, this is a half-step down in key from the previous week, to prepare us for the return of Ol’ Fake Blue Eyes in the bridge. I can’t wait to see just how they work out this comeback, and combined with go-sees I think we can bet on 5 next week. Get my Top Model bookie on the phone-because comedy is a sure bet to ensue when we see Devin in a go-see to put his lack of money where his mouth is.
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