It’s the most wonderful time of the year, if you love America’s Next Top Model, and if you’re reading this, we know you do. It’s Ty-Over time, people! Strap in for emotional responses to changes to ones hair by an unseen overlord named Tyra Banks.
Samir: #tytytip A new “prize” that comes with the Tyra Suite-Devin gets the crown jewel of modeling advice- don’t suck. But perhaps DMA (Devin, Mikey, Ashley) will protect Devin further in this competition. And how disappointed are you that Mikey has bewitched Ashley with his haggard love spell?
Margaux: It only took Mikey three weeks, but we figured someone would succumb eventually, it’s a numbers game, really.
Samir: Did I just see a Wizard of Oz production?
Margaux: Yes, some strange budget production of Wizard of Oz with Bello as Dorothy. I literally cannot tell if/when Hadassah is being sarcastic, her idea of a joke is not the first thing I would think of. But I do think the cabin fever has set in, before she walks in to show Devin her “joke”, someone in the background is bench pressing another person.
Samir: Where did she even get denim overalls, did she pack those for a modeling competition?
Margaux: God, I hope so. I’d respect her more.
Samir: Also, I can understand why Bello can’t stand Devin-dude is seriously obnoxious. When he criticizes Hadassah, I almost felt bad for her because he is so condescending. And I almost feel bad for Stefano when Devin starts laughing at him. Stefano is clearly marked for death socially and in the competition.
Margaux: He has the vibe of a Men’s Rights Activist, Stefano strikes me as less of a model than Devin. And if we find out Stefano has a rap sheet after the fact, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Samir: Eh, somebody with that bony skinny neck having a rap sheet would be surprising to me, he is too weak looking. He does seem like a paltry accessory, the one accessory Coco Chanel would tell you to take off before leaving the house.
Margaux: Stefano comes across as a abusive husband character in a Lifetime movie.
Samir: This house drama does not seem to segue very gracefully into the main challenge-a photo shoot with models/combat heroes who’ve lost limbs in military battle. Not sure how the heroes theme fits into the clothes or direction other than the military vehicle on the set and missing limbs. Yu-Tsai is already claiming models don’t work well unless he yells at them. But he spills the T on Devin straight to his face, and it’s glorious. “Why do you think you’re not successful?” Burn.
Margaux: “Because you don’t listen”. Yu-Tsai was on a roll at the photoshoot, when he critiques Stefano for repeating the same mistakes from last week, a critique that he doesn’t seem to understand how to put into effect, you know how his arc will work out this week – elimination. And if you need any further proof that Stefano is on the death march to be jettisoned out to space, aka kick out of the Top Model house, he tearfully calls his mother post-photoshoot and boldly proclaims, “I’m gonna win this, Mom”. Sorry, Mom, don’t convert his bedroom into your wrapping paper room just yet.
Samir: The real kiss of death was when he started talking about how much he missed his family. This early in the game, you just started nailing the coffin lid down with that statement. I don’t know if his trip to a modeling competition with Tyra at the helm would have helped his mother delude herself into believing he wouldn’t be coming right back home. She probably bought new sheets for his twin bed and has a warm meal primed for the dinner table. But thankfully this is yet another artful transition to the REAL point of this episode. TY-OVERS!!! The main photo challenge takes up barely a quarter of the show tonight to make room for this.
Margaux: If someone is crying in a high priced salon, you know Ty-Overs are here! Hadassah is being personally victimized by Tyra since TyTy must not be happy with how she looks because she wants to shave half her head. What Tyra should’ve said is, we want make you look like Rihanna cause that’s what that ‘do is.
You know who was TRULY victimized by TyTy? That poor girl Ashley! She gets the TyTy Chop for her Ty-Over, which is code for Tyra’s shitty haircut. GUH, this is not Ashley’s episode. First, she shacks up with Mikey, then she gets her hair unfortunately stiled by a succubus.
Samir: Yeah the “TyTy Chop” as Big T calls it herself, yeesh. A sign she really loves you is when she uses your body like a Barbie doll to remake you in her image. At least the haircut works a little better on this young woman, though it’s gonna take a while to erase this look from her head.
Margaux: Ashley does look a lot Tyra with that haircut, and also, it highlights the features of her face better.
Samir: Mikey claims he looks like his sister now-with a tiny trim and (finally!) some meager conditioning. No, she looks healthy, that is clearly not your look Mikey. By far the worst as far as I was concerned was the kooky Christian Ava – my God it looks like L7 tried to cut her hair after a drunken club performance; so uneven and jagged! Or when Joan Crawford cuts Christina’s hair when she catches her impersonating her and cuts all her hair off. It’s very that.
Margaux: Who knew Tyra was a Mommie Dearest fan! What an homage.
Samir: I love Mamé’s Diana Ross hair and the fight back to sloppy drunk accessory boy. Seriously, fighting over who gets to use the confessional interview booth first? Stockholm Syndrome has officially set in in the ANTM house.
Really Mikey you’d be the “happiest person in the world” if you were the face of Zappo’s couture? I don’t even know what those words mean, so somehow I doubt that. Severely.
Margaux: Actually, to me, that makes total sense that that would be Mikey’s greatest achievement. He’s already the face of Florida and why you never want to visit.
Samir: How apropos that Miss Jay would call the fact that Courtney doesn’t brush her teeth “insane” right has he gives us a profile of his contrasting white braids. Then we get to Hadassah, which is insane. The judges keep trying to convince her what a great move it was to shave half her hair off. And then there’s the photo…
Margaux: THAT IS OUT OF FOCUS. I know that he’s shooting for ANTM, but Erik Asla, how are you a working photographer? That shit is so bush league, my five year nephew can fuckin’ focus a damn photo better than that. AND WHY IS THAT THE SHOT THEY CHOSE. This photo seriously highlights what a real joke this show can be.
Samir: What a great advertisement of Eric’s skills. Furthermore, how tragic is it for the short girl Ava to look so amazing with her old long luscious hair that looks amazing in her photo, and then we see the Christina Crawford she has now. That poor girl. Nyle looks amazing as always, and then he drops a metaphorical mic/Oppo (sp?) phone text-to-talk cutdown to everyone complaining about their hair (Hadassah). “You’re. All. Complaining. About.Your. Hair. Do. I. Complain. About. Being. Deaf?.
Margaux: AND THE STEPHEN HAWKING VOICE! It just makes his insult all the better. “All you are complaining about is hair. Hair. Hair. I can’t do that, Dave”. While we’re on the topic of Nyle though, I do agree with Kelly (holy shit, two weeks in a row, that’s a new record), Nyle looks better edgy and less nerdy professor. And I like my nerdy professors, just usually in a coffee shop or something.
Samir: I like my nerdy professors anywhere. ANTM runway or office hours, let’s study human anatomy Nyle. When I looked at Ashley and Stefano standing next to each other it dawned on me just how much Tyra loves this Chop.
Margaux: So nice, she did it twice! But Stefano’s Ryan Seacrest dye job doesn’t really suit him, it makes him look more corny, somehow.
Samir: Ohhhhhh, and the loser is eliminated by a mere tenth of a point, like this was some gymnastics or figure skating competition. But what we predicted all along came to pass, so no matter how much the numbers spin like a penny slot, there’s no suspense here.
Margaux: Though Stefano wasn’t expecting to go home tonight, we all saw it coming a mile away. Good riddance, ya misogynistic douche!
Want to talk stars?
Samir: I think this was worth 4.5 stars. I live for TyOvers, and we got drama and awful travesties and surprising success just like we always do. But I can’t blow my five star wad on this episode.
Margaux: If Hadassah walked out on the show, I’d of given “The Girl Who Has a Close Shave” the full 5 stars, so 4.5 will have to do.
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