It can be hard to say good-bye, and sadly, the time has come for America’s Next Top Model, cycle 22 and the series as a whole, to be put to bed and crown its final ever Top Model winner. Wipe your eyes, we’ve got all your feels covered.
Samir: These pensive shots of Lacey walking through a grassy field or whatever are ridiculous. And I don’t even believe her when she says “I want this so bad, it’s crazy!”. These intros where each model offers their case as if they’re ANTM court opening statements have me laughing on the inside.
Margaux: The remaining modeltestants sulking around the more scenic areas of their soon to be former home/prison are hilarious, it’s like stock footage photos in moving images.
Once we get out of these forced sad intros, and away from their “I just want this so bad” platitudes, we get to see Zappo couture photos from the shoot last week. Again with this faux, she’s doing bad, wait! She’s totally killing it! This back and forth is tedious, let’s just get to elimination and into the final runway already.
Samir: These business/game plans are equally hilarious. Do any of these people have any clue how to start a dance studio, or a research model humanitarian something or other?
Margaux: At least we’ve moved on past the poster boards and onto power point presentations. Mamé’s speech made about as much sense as her first pass when she pitched Tyra’s Shark tank something to the effect of a jewelry line? Mamé’s nerves seem to take over (again) and she basically rambled alongside her pageant presentation, the only thing I took away was that she still wants to be a model/humanitarian. Her post ANTM plan seem to be, “world peace”?
Samir:Yeah they’ve moved on from poster boards and glitter glue to the weird high flash selfies in front of creepy non-descript blank wall backgrounds, holding papers with their statements written in black marker-like kidnap victims holding up today’s paper and the ransom demands before they’re killed (that was Lacey’s).
These pony man-tails the guys are wearing for the runway make me wretch. AND, what do the judges really mean when they say Mamé and Mikey look “expensive?” So they looked cheap before is what you’re saying, or the clothes on Zappo’s couture look cheap and need the help of models to look luxurious?
Margaux: Well, the clothes are cheap, so you’re not totally off on that point. I think the judges must be surprised that the Zappos clothes survived the photo shoot by the way they’re excitedly telling them they look so good and expensive. But between Nyle and Mikey’s Zappos couture shoot, obviously Nyle makes the clothes look best, he pulls off every single look, there’s movement and a distinct vibe in Nyle’s photos. It’s not like Mikey’s are altogether terrible, but he looks very stiff. Tsk, tsk, don’t you remember your TyTy tip, Mikey?
Samir: You actually get the illusion that the clothes can make you look good when Nyle wears them. When Mikey models the Zappo’s couture, you feel like an arrest for sexual harassment lies shortly ahead on your twisted path. And when it came down to their presentations, Nyle had a smart and realistic game plan for his app and career. Mikey’s was a nonsensical mish-mash of meaningless platitudes, again I believe force-fed to him by production-through the brainwashing of ANTM living.
Margaux: Drinking the Kool Aid did Mikey no favors, there was just no denying Nyle’s…Nyle-ness, and Mikey doesn’t end up walking the final runway as finalist, and his poor Mother blames herself when he walks back out after his elimination. Nonetheless, it is kind of nice, albeit most likely unintentional, that ANTM had the final fours Mom’s there.
Samir: Yeah, I did feel sad a little bit when he and his mother cried together, like this really was a golden ticket for him. Well, better cry now than later I suppose when you realize it isn’t. Not winning generally does more for one’s modeling career than winning ANTM. Who knows if this last cycle will break the uhh…cycle. Oh wait, it already did But we called it on the podcast-we knew if Nyle made it through, the couples the story editors placed these semi-finalists into was bound to be broken up.
Margaux: Mamé making it to the final two over Lacey, especially after Mamé’s confusing at best business plan presentation, only confirmed our predictions that Nyle is (and does) end up winning the whole dang thing. Enough of the tears, we’ve got a final runway showdown between Mamé and Nyle, but I might cry because it’s the final-final Top Model runway show, ever.
Samir: OMG Tyra DAD sighting! I don’t think we’ve seen this in the entire series.
Re: Mame vs Nyle, we all know how this is going to end. And I can’t believe this is the last final ANTM runway!! :*( Not as intense as finishing the last Harry Potter book. Tyra’s talking about having live music like it’s a new thing on the runway. And look! They’re trying to stab Hadassah in the face with her outfit. I guess no one really liked her all along. I’ll miss this.
Margaux: OMG! A Bello sighting! I wonder if he’s put any curses on anyone recently.
I will miss this too, honestly it’s a such a missed opportunity not having an After The Runway post wrap up episode. There really is nothing better than watching the modeltestants from the past cycle walk this runway like they’re trying to show an ex what they’re missing out on. Courtney wobbled quite a bit on her pass, but to be far, these Rocky Gathercole “wearable art pieces” look as uncomfortable as they probably are heavy. Mamé’s final walk jumpsuit is fierce though, not gonna lie.
Samir: She looks great in that for sure. But don’t the judges usually knock the modeltestants for doing things like pivot-turns on the runway? They used to read them to filth over moves like that, as early as Cycle 2 even criticizing one model’s tilt of her head at the end of the runway as too contrived. Now they’re cheering and gasping in awe? Everyone stop trying to act!
Margaux: How about those fireworks downtown that they just happened upon because you know ANTM didn’t spring for fireworks, and just hoped the Dodgers had a game that night or something.
Samir: Or they’re close enough to Disneyland to catch some of their magic. Maybe they planned it ahead of time for the night Disney was doing something on their own to save money. Saving up the BankSigns is what this cycle is all about Margaux.
Margaux: Ring, ring! Oppo still has on-air ad placement to be fulfilled, at least Nyle and Mamé get a trip to Southeast Asia to be “brand ambassadors” for Oppo out of this. Wow, now that actually sounds like a “business networking opportunity”, and will help ease the memory of their non-trip to Vegas.
Samir: Sellin Poop the world-ver. On the plus side, I finally heard from someone outside of ANTM who uses the Line App, so we know it exists outside of Tyra’s desperate search for advertising dollars. I have yet to see a single Oppo phone on the market anywhere though.
Margaux: I think Oppo phones can only be found aboard, probably in Asia, hence Nyle and Mamé’s brand ambassador opportunity in the Southeast region.
Samir: How degrading for the models to wear some of the less appealing designs during their judging, with sea urchin needles all directed at Nyle’s face and Mamé in some idiotic red ruffle monstrosity with a giant red “22” pinned on the breast.
Margaux: While evaluating Mamé’s walk, Yu Tsai shockingly praises her pivot turn, and upon second viewing, I think her last walk in the jumpsuit wasn’t as strong as her first outing in the feather corset. You can see when Mamé turns to walk back on her final pass that she stumbles a little, but none of the judges call her out for it.
Samir: It’s all to confuse us, because they leave in lots of negative comments on Nyle’s runway before they get to the photos. They talk about Nyle’s improvement, but I think the change in lighting and photographers maybe also brought out his features better in later shoots. Yu Tsai, stop trying to convince us that not having an interpreter on a set is a good idea. It’s not. Because his best photos are more often the ones where he has an interpreter. Plus, communicating is a generally good idea, and a good skill to have (something Yu Tsai lacks).
Margaux: Of course when they critique Nyle’s walk, most of the naysayer comments come from Kelly because it’s the only way they’ll edit her into an episode, if she’s in dumb bitch overdrive. Don’t know why, but it’s always so satisfying when the judges review the remaining models body of work, getting their Mom’s reactions backstage only sweetens the deal. Mamé’s Mom visibly makes a disgusted face when she sees Mamé’s first photo in a bikini. Diplomat’s daughter gone wild!
Samir: I love this moment where Tyra talks about Mamé’s difficulties with her family and CUT to CU on Mamé’s Mom. Plus, that togetherness Tyra says she sees in their photo together is so not there, they look like they were pasted together from separate photo shoots. It’s got nothing on Nyle and his mama, (even though Mamé won that shoot). They both may be “vessels” (according to Tyra) to carry greater things than an ANTM crown, but this review of their work all season looks WAY better for Nyle. We’ve been saying that all season anyways, so …I wonder how this will turn out? (I’m not really wondering btw, it’s painfully obvious). And Nyle hugging everyone in the crazy Saw death trap shoulder piece is amazing-he literally could poke your eye out in that thing! And your heart, literally.
Margaux: I love how Nyle, Mamé, and Tyra stare at screen with shows logo on it, like they’re pretending to react to a countdown that isn’t happening, with all the anticipation they can muster. It’s truly a perfect, comedic moment, made even funnier by how earnest the whole thing is. Mamé takes losing like the perfect pageant girl, when Nyle hugs her, it looks like she’s getting stabbed in the face by the “wearable” art Nyle has on, what art piece has fuckin’ spikes coming out to impale you?
Honestly, the best person won, congratulations to dream boat Nyle! Umm, can we party with your Mom? She seems awesome.
Samir: Perhaps one day we will. And with the help of Nyle’s sexy ASL tutoring app with video tutorials to show us how to sign, we’ll have a wonderful conversation about his sexual fluidity. Fierce and love, Tyra.
Margaux: I can’t believe it’s really over, like, no new Top Model episodes will be airing on CW. Tyra’s good-bye sign off left a lot to be desired, she couldn’t come up with something more than, “you’re still in the running to America’s Next Top Model, and being a flawsome you”, now I know what it must feel like to be a beautytainer.
Stars for the episode, “Finale Part 2” and cycle 22?
Samir: Like her Harvard business degree, flawful is more like it. But this episode did make me happy because someone we can see perhaps actually being successful won, and he’s not a douchebag. He’s a sweet, sexy likable guy who seems to have something to offer everyone. How fitting that by the time they finally get this right again, the show has ended. What else will feed the India-ink blackness of my heart now? 5 stars.
Just because America’s Next Top Model is over, doesn’t mean we’ll stop talking about it. Subscribe or download our podcast, We Were Rooting For You! where we’ll be continuing our coverage of the best modeling reality show. Thanks for your readership over cycle 22, and cycles past, fierce and love, Margaux & Samir.
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