A movie as soulless as those beady little eyes
Like most everyone on earth at one point or another, I liked Funko Pop figures. They were a fun little collectible that didn’t take up a whole lot of space and gave you your favorite characters in a fun form factor. Over the course of the years, I’ve amassed near 40 of the bigheaded figures, mostly coming from being gifts, snagging a couple at conventions, and raiding the local 99 Cent Store on clearance.
The problem came when jag-offs started hoarding them like this was the modern-day collector’s boom. These stupid pieces of plastic that didn’t move and looked into your soul started going for hundreds of dollars with nerds of the worst kind starting entire YouTube channels about unboxing them. Or in many cases not unboxing them because playing with toys ruins their value.
But the little company that can turn anything into a generic-looking human with dead black eyes is expanding into new ventures. They recently had a video game based on Gears of War and are now looking to get a movie into theaters. No idea how this is going to work as the whole point of these things is using the works of others to make them into cheap mockeries of themselves.
To be fair, I still like a lot of Funko figures. I haven’t bought one in years but there are some great figures out there, almost always when they mockup a non-human character or something with a really well-defined look. Just go to the Funko Pop section of the store and you’ll see dozens of regular human man that all look the same. But that’s beyond the point and just my complaining and taking up more space on this page. Sorry.
According to Deadline, the folks over at Warner Bros. have optioned the rights to a Funko Pop movie, probably because every studio needs a few loses on their tax returns so they don’t jump up a bracket and owe too much to Uncle Sam. Look, I write movies so I know these things. It’s why I still continue to get work.
Will the movie be any good? Probably not. This is the sort of move that happens when a brand is starting to lose steam. Look at what happened to Angry Birds, with the films now more well-known to many than the stupid mobile games they were based on. And that emoji movie sure happened. I know it did because the week after release all the toys and merchandise were on clearance.
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