First a story about a car powered by poop and now this. I feel like today requires the creation of a new tag for the website for stories of this nature. So I formally introduce the #ButtStuff tag because we are pure class here at GAMbIT.
The Ottawa Citizen is reporting that a former worker at the Canadian Mint managed to steal some $180K from the facility by stuffing it up his butt. Leston Lawrence worked at the facility and would use his access there to create 210g “pucks” of gold via the mint’s gold dipping system. I have no idea if “puck” is the technical term or if Lawrence just really fancies hockey.
“…an employee at the mint was asked to try putting gold up his butt in an attempt to prove it could be smuggled out in that manner.”
Each of these pucks were worth nearly $7,000, so the perpetrators butt got a pretty good workout to hit that $180K mark. Lawrence was known to guards at the mint as he tripped the metal detectors more than any other employee, aside from those with medical implants or are cyborg replicants. But every time he set off the alarm a pat-down and wand scan would turn up nothing, so they simply assumed something else was wacky with him.
He was only caught because he was selling the gold pucks at the Ottawa Gold Buyers shop that was located in a local shopping center. Not very black market stuff, but when you put gold up your arse beggars can’t be choosers. Lawrence would then take the money and deposit it at a Royal Bank in the same center. I don’t know, man, but if you’re willing to keep shoving gold up into brown town you’d spend the time to get one of those secret offshore accounts.
His final downfall came when a lowly teller at the bank called the authorities about the strange deposits. They would open his safe-deposit box where they found three golds pucks that had yet to be sold. Or it could be he was saving those for “personal” reasons. They would then search his work locker where they found a jar of Vaseline.
“His defense team (that may be paid for with “dirty” money) say that there is no way to link Lawrence to the money…”
But (no pun intended) things get all sorts of bat-shit crazy when an employee at the mint was asked to try putting gold up his butt in an attempt to prove it could be smuggled out in that manner. The experiment proved that you can, in fact, walk out of the mint with a butt full of gold.
Lawrence isn’t going down without a fight though. His defense team (that may be paid for with “dirty” money) say that there is no way to link Lawrence to the money as the mint never reported any gold missing. They do have a point because if they can’t link the gold to the offending anus and they didn’t report any gold missing, Lawrence may end up getting away with it.
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