We are almost to the end of the road and we may not be entirely ready to let go of America’s Next Top Model and its questionable fashion choices for Tyra and the final four modeltestants.
Samir: Mikey, you being on top is metaphorical at best, and this is rammed home by Tyra telling you to be authentic to your brand but to “remember to be high fashion.” Since your brand is sloppy date-rapist, I don’t think this is going to work out for you in the long run.
Margaux: Don’t understand why Tyra is so thirsty for Mikey, her high-low TyTy Tip encourages him to find a middle ground between high and low fashion which is apparently the key to Mikey’s modeling success. Isn’t that more aspirational quote than tip?
Samir: Aspirational = to get on the train to the middle. High hopes for this one. But why is Chrissy Tiegen here to eat food none of them can afford to swallow?
Margaux: Chrissy Tiegen is a co-host on Tyra’s new talk show FabLife, I’m sure Tyra added a hidden clause to her contract to force her onto ANTM. Why else would Chrissy let Mikey put his arm around her? No wonder she took that giant glass of wine with her when they go off to talk model shop. Chrissy gives Mikey the best critique by far, he looks like Kid Rock, it’s the realest piece of feedback this show has given this cycle.
Samir: See ANTM contestant Mikey in the new Tyra-produced series Kid Rock (Wannabe) of Love, cumming this fall. However Kid Rock does get modeling work sometimes, probably more than most ANTM contestants, so it may not be an all bad goal for him to really aspire to
Margaux: Riding Kid Rock styled coattails right to the middle! This mini-challenge shoot for Nylon is a great place for Mikey to start channeling his inner 90s trailer park.
Samir: These self-descriptions for the ‘testants to style themselves leads to Mikey being told he has such a great rags-to-riches story by the Editor of Nylon. That’s awfully presumptuous to the point of delusion. Does anyone think ANTM is really some golden goose anymore? Everyone still keeps talking about this great opportunity. Yeah, to be on TV and shill PooP phones and the Line App, and SLS Hotels, or anything that forged a partnership with this show for free advertising.
Margaux: Well, when you’re from Hollywood, Florida, subliminally advertising Tyra’s nefarious products is something you have to physically be asleep for in order for it to happen. No wonder Tyra is keeping him around, Mikey is endlessly impressionable. Especially if he keeps deluding himself into thinking women want to bang him.
Samir: Oof, Mamé looks stiff as a board for her “relaxed” faux Nylon-cover shoot. The narrative cobbled together from the confessionals seems to be trying to suggest she’s not America’s Next Top Model in the end-they’re all talking about how her photos have not been that great throughout. Both Nyle and Lacey say it, suggesting they have very dull pillow talk between shooting.
Margaux: To be fair, Mamé said the word that best described her was “regal” and the doily inspired black dress was not hip, young, or fresh. And it didn’t really read as Nylon either, so I think the costuming starting everything off on the wrong foot. By the way, Lacey, you’re the lucky who’s paired up with Nyle, how did you NOT know he’s a “ladies man”?!?!
Samir: Jealousy rears it pretty head again. I’m severely disturbed by our modern culture to find that when each cover is offered up to randos on the street, girls are actually choosing Mikey. What on earth are these women seeing in him? Are they confusing the increased heart rate that comes with fear, with the flush of amour? Thank God more people choose Nyle.
Margaux: Luckily enough people had the good sense and taste to pick up Nyle’s cover, though it’s not my favorite photo of him, I’m just happy that Mikey didn’t win the mini-challenge. And when we see all the covers together on the newsstand, Mamé’s sticks out like a sore thumb, at least her score wasn’t as low as it could’ve been.
Margaux: Tyra trying to be relatable is the most uncomfortable thing to watch at times. First, she tries to play patty cake with Mamé, then she brings out her Mom to wax rhapsodic about the beginning of her modeling career; how she was discovered on the first day of high school, and how much she had to beg her Mom to take her photo so she could eventually go to Paris at 15. I will say that I do love Tyra’s flashback pictures, they showcase her talent without her over hyped, faux humble brag stories.
Samir: Of course Tyra brings her mama back to the show (to work as unpaid photographer?), and in a shock, brings all the other ‘testants’ mamas too (to work as unpaid models). I think she has to bring her mother onto the show each season to remind everyone that she is not an alien, verified by the fact that she exited a human woman’s womb. Seeing Mikey cry real tears when his mother shows up makes me want to see a lot more of how he came to be the man he is now, in the sense of what could his mother be like to have created someone as pervy and gross as he is. Having been on TV before and coached to talk about how much I wanted to help out my mother to make me relatable to everyone, I don’t put much stock in these statements now, whether true or not. This is the same ole manipulation we have come to know and love.
Mamé’s story about having diplomat parents who raised her by telephone makes her mother’s appearance a surprise. Nyle’s mother was a single mom. This is turning into a competition to see whose parent/child relationship faced the most hardship. Whoever makes you cry the most is the winner!
Margaux: The nugget of how Mamé wasn’t around her parents growing up really explains why they’re so awkward around each other. On the flip side, Nyle’s bond with his Mother is really touching, you can see how close they are, Nyle’s Mom reminds me a bit of Barbra Streisand.
Lord, what they do to Lacey’s Mom’s hair though is…unforgivable. I’m surprised Mama Lacey didn’t end up pulling her daughter off the show immediately after.
Samir: Did they get Miley Cyrus’ stylist to do her hair? It looks like the haircut that girl gets in the Summer’s Eve commercial where the roommates are competing to see who has had the worst day, and therefore should rightfully have the luxurious relaxation of a feminine wash first. This is almost as tragic as the other fashion crimes committed here: the wardrobe of mismatched horizontal pattern blocks that Mikey and his mother are forced into. Mamé gets a hideous gladiatrix epaulet monstrosity. But Nyle and his mama look fantastic by comparison. Great outfits and hair, and she even gets to do a Streisand pose. Watching Tyra directing Mamé’s mom to scream and dance is cringe-worthy. I’m sure this is not exactly what a diplomat’s wife would have expected to be doing here today, because she most likely had no idea this show existed until her daughter ended up on it.
Margaux: Mamé looks like Grace Jones, and they try to make you nervous with the editing and your prior knowledge of Mamé’s distant relationship with her Mom to make you think it’s not working. But Mamé looks so fabulous, the edit feels a little forced, Mamé cannot go home with these looks. And then we turn the corner into best picture town when Tyra gets Mamé’s Mom to loosen up and dance.
Mikey and his Mother look like they belong in an episode of Sons of Anarchy as the rival family biker gang. I’d like to amend Tyra’s toast to the models and their Moms at the end of the shoot, shouldn’t it be to the END of cycle 22? Not just general cycle 22? It’d raise the stakes, you’re going to be last (possibly ever) Top Model winner.
Samir: Unless it gets picked up by a streaming service (fingers crossed). The finished products of these mother-child pictures are a mixed bag at best. Mikey and his mother are…interesting. You know the way the French way of saying something is awful but you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings? Nyle looks sexy as hell in the judging tonight in his matching black tank and jeans, combined with his challenge win, the amazing photos with his Mom (maybe having to express themselves with their bodies as a mundane reality makes them naturals at this), and his emotional reaction to seeing them together in the photos that felt more genuine here than anything we’ve seen the whole episode, I think the show has officially abandoned the Nyle decline edit.
Mamé’s win this episode feels awfully forced though. Her photos just weren’t that impressive or moving this week, so not sure what that was about other than to try to confuse us more. Maybe it’s to distract us from thinking Nyle will win, and make us eat our words about this show being a stepping stone to the basement of the industry in the most generous estimation?
Margaux: Nyle just gets hotter, to not only objectify him, but everything he does just makes him more attractive. Luckily we know that regardless of how he does on this show in the end, we’ve happily seen recent months, he gets lots of model work where he’s either shirtless or very nearly shirtless. It’s nice when good things happen to people who deserve them. And are hot.
Why is Tyra wearing two different colored pair of high heels, one yellow and one black? I can barely focus on this stupid tie between Mikey and Lacey knowing Tyra has on TWO DIFFERENT COLOR SHOES. Whyyyyy? Other than to match another hideous jumpsuit? Tyra, we need to talk.
Samir: It looks like it was sewn together from two different jumpsuits, so maybe she was staying true to that with a shoe from two different pairs? But I am SO not won over by this finale having 4 people. I didn’t really buy Mikey’s emotional reaction either-Tyra tries to pretend she’s surprised at this behavior. It should be noted that his tearful outburst was curiously missing tears.
Margaux: Looks like more poster board and glitter is in our future, Tyra might’ve shown mercy to Mikey (we all know Mikey should’ve gone home) allowing him AND Lacey to stay, effectively not bothering to break the tie. But then tell the four remaining modeltestants that only one guy and one girl will make it to the final runway show, but not before they concoct another presentation on…I’m assuming their passion for becoming America’s Next Top Model. Last two episodes are going to be shit show. Let’s talk stars.
Samir: This episode rightfully brought some sense back to the fold by having Mamé’s and Nyle at the top, but did not successfully disguise it’s bald manipulation of reality TV reality in the manner I’ve become accustomed to, and it Mikey is still here. However the fashion crimes committed made it very entertaining. 4 stars.
If you don’t already listen to our America’s Next Top Model podcast We Were Rooting For You! What are you waiting for? There are only 2 episodes left of cycle 22!
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