Margaux and I actually had a lot of fun with The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
Trevor: I’ll be honest: for a movie that got off to a less-than-promising start (voiceovers are rarely a good sign, even if they’re delivered by Ian McShane), I enjoyed a lot of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. For the most part, it was good goofy fun, Nicolas Cage was clearly having a ball playing a wizard, and Alfred Molina made a good heavy.
Margaux: Featuring the least likely-looking “Balthazar” ever committed to film, Sorcerer’s Apprentice is definitely a movie in the Cage wheelhouse, it had a lot of similarities to National Treasure. Except I found Sorcerer’s Apprentice to be a hell of a lot more fun. Disney is good at these stupid adventure romps, no matter who they cast. I had to convince my friend that Teresa Palmer was in fact NOT Kristen Stewart.
Trevor: I didn’t even mind that the mythology was pretty silly. No matter how many times they said the phrase “Prime Merlinian,” it never stopped being goofy as hell. You can tell this movie exists because Nic Cage wanted to play a wizard (according to IMDb), but it’s pretty successful for something that began life as a cash-grab.
Margaux: Despite the sequel they set up never came to fruition, but we can talk about that post-credit scene when we get to it.
Trevor: And how good was Jay Baruchel? I mean that sincerely. He’s got a nerdy, awkward charm that in some way helps him command a scene, even opposite heavyweights like Cage and Molina.
Margaux: I actually enjoy Jay Baruchel. I like Goon (which he wrote and co-starred in), he and Cage had really good comedic chemistry. Cage’s unhinged, self-seriousness (pretty sure Cage wrapped this movie convinced he was officially a wizard) played well against Jay’s skeptical, awkward, self-awareness. But I still maintain that children are always shitty at being the “chosen one” and even though I thought having THREE time jumps in the first 10 minutes was excessive, I was happy we didn’t have to follow 10-year old Dave. When was the last time someone named Dave destined for greatness? Let alone some snot-nosed 4th grader.
Trevor: I love Goon. You’re maybe the third person I’ve ever met who’s seen it. And how great is Liev Schreiber in that? I digress.
Anyway, back to Sorcerer’s Apprentice. I actually liked a lot of the magic in this! It was cool to see wizards, you know, being wizards. (As much as I love Gandalf, he doesn’t do much in The Lord of the Rings beyond create light and come back from the dead.) The spells in Sorcerer’s Apprentice were fun and innovative, and the CG was actually pretty good; if it were done poorly it could have derailed the movie entirely.
Margaux: Let’s talk about when we first meet Dave and he escapes the Abracadabra store, marking him as the weird kid who had a field trip meltdown. From the second he steps into the magic shop and meets Cage, I literally yelled (and wrote down), “RUN! HE’S GONNA MOLEST THE SHIT OUTTA YOU!” That dragon ring is the candy to the stores rape van fell.
Trevor: Even if it meant I could be a wizard, I wouldn’t wear that gaudy Hot Topic finger armor. And I kept expecting it to come back in some way, like when he can cast spells without it, it becomes animate, like a familiar, and helps him in battle. We can put that in the sequel we write, which is just 100 pages of Cage being crazy (which is actually what it will say on the page).
Margaux: What’s a familiar? Is that D&D shit? You’d think after being friends as long as we have, I would’ve picked up something. NERP.
Trevor: Yeah, you’d think that, but what are you gonna do. I’m sure you remember making fun of me as I played Star Wars Galaxies though. A familiar is a beast (like an owl or a small dragon or a bat) that has a bond with a wizard, strengthens his or her magic, and can help them. I guess we could get into a semantic argument about wizards vs. sorcerers, but I’m not a big enough nerd to know the difference. What it boils down to is, they made a huge deal out of the ring wrapping itself around Dave’s finger, but it didn’t play as big a role as I thought it would.
Margaux: That’s where the six different (dude) writers probably figures into some dropped plot threads. If they hadn’t saved Horvath (Alfred Molina) with that post-credit scene, I’d initially thought they’d legit completely forgotten about the character. Cast a…forgetful spell, if you will.
Trevor: Can we talk about the villains? They were actually competent, save for Toby Kebbell’s Drake Stone, but even he was a lot of fun (and still managed to be a more credible threat than Kebbell’s Dr. Doom in Fantastic Four). People actually died in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, which surprised me. For a film that was mostly light in tone, I actually felt stakes. Maybe it’s just me; I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I would so maybe I’m being over-enthusiastic.
Margaux: The light tone made their deaths seem less permanent, if that makes any sense. Like their magic reserved the right to save them at a later date. I thought Criss Angel lite (aka Kebbell) was laughable at worst, which is my back handed compliment. And I liked the idea that science and magic were intertwined making science cool, you know, since magic doesn’t exist. My problem with the wizardry is how spotty their powers are from scene to scene. The moment that sticks out the most is when Cage and Baruchel are mid-car chase with Kebbell and Molina, driving the wrong way through a one way tunnel, and Molina casts a dust spell (??). Even though Cage can transform the car into a Mercedes, he can’t figure out a fucking spell to make the dusty fog dissipate?
Trevor: I agree that a major tenet of fantasy, horror, or sci-fi is that you have to establish rules that govern what your characters can and cannot do, and Sorcerer’s Apprentice definitely violated that, but oddly enough I didn’t mind because it added an element of fun. For instance, I really liked when Hogarth sent Balthazar and Dave into the mirror world and they had to drive back out of it. Honestly, that car chase was a fun set piece, although, yes, a bit of a mess narratively – just like the film itself.
Margaux: Whether this was a Cage “actor secret,” expressly written into the script, or direction given, but it seemed like Balthazar really fancied himself the Indiana Jones of the Merlin world. That hat, his rawhide duster, all he was missing was a whip.
Trevor: He looked ri-goddamn-diculous, and it led to my theory that he only wore clothes he brought from home (by which I mean one of his many castles). Which led to my second theory, which is that if Cage were a real wizard (and we have no proof that he isn’t), he’d be exactly like Balthazar: goofy and intense in equal measure. As far as the “peak Cage” performance we’ve been searching for, I’d put this ahead of both Snake Eyes and The Runner, but we still have a few films to go. (Not to pull the curtain back too much, readers, but we didn’t watch these movies in order.)
Margaux: In terms of Cage filmography (which, by the end of this, we could write a goddamn dissertation on), Sorcerer’s Apprentice comes directly after he wrapped Kick-Ass (he was, hand to God, the best part of that movie) and before he starred in what I assume was a direct to VOD release, Season of the Witch. Obviously a production of Mouse House, the effects are great and plenty, although I did find some shots during the mirror world scenes to be a little hacky. Looked like they tried to blend practical and post effects and only half of it worked. The story was uneven, but somehow, it pulled it off. But I’d argue the most consistent Cage trope, beyond wigs and questionable accents, so far is: third act problems. Holy shit, can we wrap this up without dragging it out?
Trevor: My main problem with The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is that the love story subplot never landed or seemed to matter. Teresa Palmer makes as much of an impact here as she did in I Am Number Four (which, fun fact, is an actual movie), and Monica Bellucci is utterly wasted. If I could rewrite this movie, I’d make it a buddy cop comedy, featuring Cage as the grizzled veteran and Baruchel as the rookie. Buddy cops! But they’re wizards! And one of them is Nic Cage! Holy shit I want to see that movie.
Margaux: Most sci-fi/adventure movies always feel the need to shoehorn in a love story for the laaaaaaaaaadies, but I’m here to tell you, WE DON’T WANT IT OR NEED IT. Especially if it’s written by six grown ass men, clearly going through some sort of life crisis. If the weirdest thing about Becky’s ex was that he wore scarves, we need to go back to the storyboard and you lot of men need to go and speak to a human woman.
Trevor: Fantasy films like this will always rely on a prophecy or a dead love, and Sorcerer’s Apprentice made the misstep of using both.
Margaux: They went whole hog on other popular sci-fi/fantasy themes: the power of believing in yourself, and being book smart but love dumb.
Trevor: But, and I think you’ll agree with me here, it was pretty fun regardless. This feature isn’t about the movies themselves, but about Nicolas Cage, and Cage was a lot of fun. Even when the film faltered, I was never bored, and I give Cage a lot of credit for that.
Margaux: In terms of re-watchability, I rank Snake Eyes over Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and both of them over The Runner. It’s fun to watch Nic Cage have fun, he is the definition of committing to a role, and I think he even made everyone (with the exception of Monica Bellucci and Teresa Palmer because they had nothing to do) step up with wacky-ass game. If anything, this movie gave us ample ridiculous band name, like The Grim Hold (which I heard as “hole” for 98% of the movie). Wizard talk is hilarious, but some of it also sounds like a metaphor for jizzing. Just had to put that out there, a lot of my notes are jizz jokes, but that’s just my regular Tuesday night, HEY OH!
Next up: Moonstruck
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