The internet is a magical place, but it’s also a place that never forgets. The problem with the following websites is that they clearly don’t want to be forgotten. Below you will find ten websites that are still alive and well, but maybe should have been taken down, I don’t know, twenty years ago. Either they are long since outdated, or are just so hideous that they should have never existed to begin with. Either way, check them out below and let us know if you know of a few that we missed.
Space Jam
Take a trip back in time to the Space Jam website. How odd is it that a website for the movie is still even around considering it’s not one or Warner Bros. biggest properties? The bigger question is will the site get a facelift for the possible Space Jam 2? One hopes they keep it exactly the same and just slap a “2” on the logo. Oh, and a few animated GIFs; 90’s websites loved animated GIFs.
Three Rivers Stadium
The stadium was torn down ages ago, but it would seem that nobody passed along that information to the Three Rivers Stadium webmaster. Or could it possibly be that the website serves as a memorial to once proud Pittsburgh stadium? It’s probably the forgetting one, but hey, at least it’s optimized for Microsoft Internet Explorer 4!
You’ve Got Mail
Whoever has the webmaster job over at Warner Bros. either has no idea how to do their job, or are just really, really, really big fans of some of the companies movies. You’ve Got Mail is another film by Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan based on an AOL notification that nobody under the age of 25 will probably even remember. The same can be said of the film.
The Lost World Jurassic Park
I think I’m beginning to see a pattern here. Nowadays websites that are parts of marketing promotions tend to get the axe after they have run their course, but in the early days of the internet companies left their trash about like some internet hoarder. I wonder if anyone mentions the money spent on these websites and having them renewed each year at board meetings? “Guys, listen. We are hemorrhaging money because people aren’t coming to out shitty movies. Do we really need to keep spending money to have the Freddy Got Fingered website going?”
Suzanne Collins
Suzanne Collins is a name most of you probably know. For those five of you that don’t, she is the author of the highly successful Hunger Games series of books and movies. You’d think that after skyrocketing to success she would invest the $100 to have someone touch up her website a bit. I can just hear that 56k modem dialing in every time I visit her page.
Yale School of Art
You know how some people say there are no real mistakes when making art? Well, that may be the case, but when it comes to web design you sure as hell can really screw the pooch. It’s hard to even form words as to what’s going on here with the Photoshoped sketches of Justin Bieber and Rihanna followed by an animated demon head GIF that rises from the canvas. That’s not even the worst of it as each link on the menu takes you into some other house or horrors. Mom and dad’s money is being well spent.
James Bond 007 Museum
You know James bond, right? He’s the dashing secret agent of MI-6 that oozes class from his every pore. Well, this is the website apparently dedicated to an actual museum in his honor. I say apparently because I can’t make it longer than thirty-seconds before wanting to blow my brains out. Pretty sure this website violates the Geneva Convention in some way, but no one has lasted long enough on the site to have it charged, as they just seem to vanish into the black hole of crappy websites.
Moshoes
I’ll never understand a company that sells anything priced for only upper class people that still uses a website designed by someone serving a life sentence in an insane asylum. Moshoes is so hideous, so gaudy, so repulsive… you know, come to think of it, it’s the perfect sort of website for those out there wanting to buy a pair of shoes that scream, “I’m a giant douche canoe!” The website and shoes are so ugly that they are probably helping to keep animals from losing their skins.
The Official Jim Varney Fan Site
Growing up in the ’90s meant that the comedy styling of Ernest was a big part of my life. Living in Southern California more so, as even before his direct to video rise he was pitching used cars for Cerritos Auto Square here (I’m sure he was doing it everywhere). Funny enough, my old roommate still pulls out Ernest Scared Stupid ever October. What’s not so funny is the atrocious website that’s been set up in his honor. At least I did learn that America’s freedom is under attack! Good to know some things never change. This website is clearly not for you, Vern.
Stop Alien Abductions
I wasn’t aware the threat of alien abductions was so high! It’s a good thing somebody came along to create a website to a way to stop those darn aliens cold. All you need is one of those old-timey football helmets and a butt-load of duct-tape. Suck on that aliens! You might be able to travel the cosmos, but you are no match for old-fashioned duct-tape. That man from Kentucky, in what looks like his alien mugshot, gives one heck of an endorsement. I’m sure it’s true nobody wearing one of their hats has been abducted, then again, I’m just as sure that anyone wearing that hat doesn’t have much human interaction either.
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